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AIBU to expect to be in different areas?

(20 Posts)
PinkyandtheBrainyOne Fri 14-Apr-17 15:53:03

My partner and I have been TTC for over six years now and have already had two unsuccessful IVF cycles. But for every appointment, we have to sit in a waiting area with parents, babies and pacing fathers. Sometimes we can even hear women in labour.

AIBU to expect the TTC department to be in another part of the hospital? As someone who has been trying for so long, every visit to the hospital is another reminder of what we're without.

pipsqueak25 Fri 14-Apr-17 15:57:19

sorry to heat about your problems ttc butit isn't realistic to hide other patients from you is it ? what happens when you are out and about you must see lots of babies and kids then.
hoping you concieve soon though flowers

pipsqueak25 Fri 14-Apr-17 15:58:01

typing a bit loopy today blush

BubbleBed Fri 14-Apr-17 16:00:28

This was something at my hospital I hated too. I had to have my fertility treatment and cancer cell treatment all under a gynecologist who was also an obstetrician. Which meant all gynea and maternity were in the same area. Made me cry on more than one occasion.

NapQueen Fri 14-Apr-17 16:02:05

Try being the woman who has just miscarried and asked to "bring the contents in" and be checked over. Then being sat in the same waiting room as the women having their 12 wk and 20 wk scans. Most of them trying not to look at the sobbing woman with the tupperware box.

dudsville Fri 14-Apr-17 16:02:41

Pinky, I miscarried multiple times on a ward for pregnant women. I absolutely agree with you. I once even was told my pg test was positive even though we all knew I was mc'ing and it was only the all elevated hormones, while standing in a hallway on the same ward with everyone else. What everyone else made of my hysterical crying I'll never know. Must have been tough for them too.

araiwa Fri 14-Apr-17 16:03:31

I would want to be in that specialty area

Unless you want the janitors to do it?

HeyCat Fri 14-Apr-17 16:04:06

That is very tough, and I suppose you could feedback to the hospital (maybe through PALS) that this is distressing.

However I'm afraid in these days of funding cuts, austerity, staff shortages etc, tbh the hospital may not have any realistic option as many of the staff and facilities will be the same for both groups of patients.

Ellisandra Fri 14-Apr-17 16:05:20

It is tough. And it's not the same as babies being around you out and about, it's very acute when it's the maternity unit.

Some hospitals do what they can about it - a bit similar, in my local hospital if you discover a miscarriage at your scan (as I did) they at least let you out a secret side door not back through the waiting room confused

I had to walk past maternity to enter my IVF unit, thank goodness a different waiting area. You could bring it up with PALS as a suggestion to look at alternatives, OP?

In the meantime... I reminded myself that having one shared sonography suite saved money, and that was why my IVF could even be offered. Small comfort.

Wishing you luck for a successful pregnancy one day flowers

CaoNiMartacus Fri 14-Apr-17 16:07:02

@NapQueen, that's awful. So sorry. flowers

Ellisandra Fri 14-Apr-17 16:08:21

The janitor comment is spectacularly unhelpful araiwa biscuit

Plenty of hospitals manage to separate EPAU from routine sonography.

Sometimes just a small second waiting room in the same area can make all the difference.

MatildaTheCat Fri 14-Apr-17 16:13:27

I used to work in a maternity unit and everyone found this distressing. Eventually the gynae was moved to a completely different area of the hospital and rightly so. For anyone who is desperate to conceive it's completely in humane to ask them to wait to discuss this in a room full of pregnant women.

And ditto the miscarriages. Poor women in hospital gowns and blankets were pushed in wheelchairs from A&E and forced to wait for scans in amongst the routine pregnancy scans.

It's unacceptable and the more people who complain loudly via PALs and Twitter the more likely it is to change. Be sure the staff aren't happy with this.

Ellisandra Fri 14-Apr-17 16:18:41

Worked in my favour with my missed mc scan though hmm

Midwife said I would get the "what next" options booklet 7 days later as they needed to rescan me after a week to check my dates were correct and it was genuinely not a 5 week foetus (I should have been 13). I said I needed to understand it now so could I take the leaflet anyway.

I said, through gritted teeth and tear stained face "please get me the leaflet, or I will go back into that happy expectant waiting room and ask reception for it very loudly, and explain why".

Funnily enough, she got me the leaflet then, patronising arse.

Everyone else involved in my mc care was lovely, I would like to stress.

SmileEachDay Fri 14-Apr-17 16:38:11

NapQueen I could've written that post. Sympathy x

RhodaBorrocks Fri 14-Apr-17 17:02:15

Where I work has separate maternity, EPU, GDU, MDU and and a gynaecology ward split into 2 areas (1 for routine, scheduled things and 1 for emergencies - mostly ERPC cases). They are all in self contained areas off a main corridor with individual waiting rooms.

We've not had the smoothest of rides recently, but at least our women's and children's services got a 'good'
rating from the CQC. I had DS there and never had to worry that should the worst have happened I'd have to sit in the waiting room with women with advanced pregnancies. I had a 50% chance of miscarrying and/or PROM so I really only relaxed in the 3rd trimester. But I'd had a tour and seen all the areas I might need, including the counselling rooms they had and felt really reassured.

I can't even imagine how hard it must be for anyone going through such an awful time and having to sit in a standard waiting room. flowers for all of you.

wittyUserNameHere Fri 14-Apr-17 18:00:19

@Ellisandra - that's quite weird. Even through the grief you leveraged the happiness of other patients to get what you wanted quickly!

@OP - I understand why it's tough having been in a situation where you're very upset and coming to terms with news whilst everyone else is very happy (baby with congenital issues at the 2 week post-birth check-up) but unfortunately, hospitals don't have the space to accommodate everyone's wishes all the time. They can't build you a special waiting room.

PinkyandtheBrainyOne Mon 17-Apr-17 13:12:58

Thanks everyone. Nice to know I'm not alone in this.

AnUtterIdiot Mon 17-Apr-17 13:15:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsTwix Mon 17-Apr-17 13:36:35

They should have separate waiting areas flowers

DancingDora Mon 17-Apr-17 13:39:01

When I miscarried the first time the midwife sat me in the waiting room full of people and asked me what my plans were for Christmas (it was the 20th of December) whilst they were waiting for a room to be free so they could go in to more detail about what happened and what they found on the scan. DH was sat holding my hand as I was just sobbing and the midwife had her arm around me.

One woman actually stood up, walked over to us and said to the midwife "Can you please take this poor woman somewhere private? This is so unfair to her." The midwife apologised to her and said there wasn't anywhere else to take me for now. I can't really remember what else was said but as we were finally called back in to a room DH went over to the woman and thanked her, the wished her all the best then her OH hugged my DH.

When I went back for a check there were people on the waiting room showing each other their scan pictures and getting all excited, one woman felt her baby kick for the first time while she was sat opposite me and I was just sat there again in tears.

When I was pregnant with DS we had an early scan and they asked me to be considerate of others as we left which we absolutely did.

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