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to think it's OK to be happy?

(14 Posts)
Ellybellyboo Fri 14-Apr-17 11:10:55

The last couple of years haven't been the greatest, but over the last few months things are beginning to improve for and I feel happy and content at the moment.

I hate my current job, stressful, we're understaffed, our boss is a bully and totally unpleasant and we're in the middle of massive redundancies so it's awful, however, I was told a week ago I was being made redundant and was put straight on garden leave. I have a new job which I start at the beginning of May so I have no worries and feel like a huge weight has gone. I get a decent payout which will cover some debts and we can put some away.

My working hours will change and the money is better so I can do a course I've been wanting to do for ages and I've been looking into that.

We've booked and paid for a holiday abroad this summer - the first one for years and I'm so excited

Had a fab day out with kids yesterday - only took the dog to the beach for a couple of hours but even my 15 year old DD was running about and splashing in the sea with the dog.

The sun is out, summer is on it's way and I just feel light hearted, buzzy and happy.

Met up with a friend for a drink last night which I was really looking forward to.

We were just chatting about general life, asked about work (she knew about the redundancies as it's been in our local press), plans for summer (she's going away too), etc. I wasn't bragging on banging on, but she was just so negative - I might hate my new job, Ibiza in August will be hell, etc.

I was wearing a new skirt that I've made and bloody love and quite proud of - well, it's not to her taste, not something she'd wear.

She just seemed so determined to knock me down and came away feeling a bit blue. I feel a bit like I've been put back in my place.

I've known her for years and she's always been a bit like this - it's like she hates it if someone has good news or something to look forward to and has to take the shine off it.

Okumara Fri 14-Apr-17 11:18:57

Some people always seem to see being miserable as a competitive sport. Every situation requires them to look for things to be unhappy and sneery about. It is similar to people being horrified that you are annoyed with the rude person in the shop yesterday when there are people dying in Syria. I got quite shitty about that one, and pointed out that I am emotionally sophisticated enough to be mildly pissed off about the shop incident and horrified about Syria at the same time and isn't it a pity that you can only have feelings about one thing at a time. I was being unpleasant but they had been very unpleasant to me.
I always try to be happy about small things, sunny day, nice walk by the beach, reading my book in a cafe without a care in the world. Why not be happy about those things. I can be and still be aware of the other things. I just think how miserable they must be inside themselves if they can't take a minute to enjoy the moment.

user1471545174 Fri 14-Apr-17 11:23:59

Good for you, OP - it's great to have the ability to experience happiness amid other stresses and strains, and it's really emotionally healthy. Sorry your friend brought you down, maybe she intended to warn rather than rain on your parade - hope so anyway smile

GetInTheFuckingSea Fri 14-Apr-17 11:28:31

Don't let her piss on your chips! All of what you have described sounds like you're seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and that's always a lovely feeling.

I'm sure at some level she knows this but she's maybe unhappy herself. Imo some people who are, especially if it's a deep unhappiness brought about by situations they can't control, feel that others who are happy are somehow taking something from them. And because they can't control what's happening to them but can control their response to you, and because you're there, they're mean.

However, that is her issue, not yours. It sounds like you've been through a lot and things are looking up so, yes, enjoy the positive thoughts you are having.

sweetcarolines Fri 14-Apr-17 15:51:31

Ah tell her to fuck right off with her negativity... sounds like you are in a good place.. stay there!

Chasingsquirrels Fri 14-Apr-17 15:56:18

Grab every bit of happiness you can with both hands and embrace it.
Life is too short and has too many setbacks not to.
What do you get from this friendship? Does it enhance your life at all?

pipsqueak25 Fri 14-Apr-17 16:00:15

this isn't a friendship, she sounds so negative do you need this rubbish in your life now things are turning round for the better ?

gingeristhenewblack43 Fri 14-Apr-17 16:26:26

Grag your happy feeling with both hands, nurture it, cherish it, appreciate it!

Friends should build you up not bring you down. She may have issues in her own life that are making her feel low but that's down to her to share them with you, not dig a hole under your happiness in the hope it will all collapse, because that is just mean and spiteful flowers

HecateAntaia Fri 14-Apr-17 16:30:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Trb17 Fri 14-Apr-17 16:36:14

She's a 'foul weather friend' ... only happy when you aren't. I would reduce contact but my personal favourite way to deal with these types is to be overly happy. She says "Ibiza in August will be hell" ... you respond "I know I can't wait it'll be crazy!" ... she says "you might hate your new job" ... you say "I know but don't you just love a new challenge and the money is awesome!" ... it pisses them right off and gives you a giggle and the power grin

Moanyoldcow Fri 14-Apr-17 16:37:59

She sounds like a right mardy cow. I cut people like that out.

Congratulations on everything! Enjoy being happy - I'm sure you'll love your new job.

Ellybellyboo Fri 14-Apr-17 17:19:59


Foul weather friend - I like that term! Yes, she's definitely like that. I don't think she's particularly unhappy. Had the usual ups and downs we all have.

It's almost like she's attention seeking. The person with the good news has the spot light for a few minutes so she has to knock them back down

Another friend recently got engaged after some really shitty relationships and all she said was 'it'll all end in tears'

I don't see loads of her these days, she's quite draining - if the sun is shining, she'll be forecasting rain by tea time.

Definitely rained on my parade, not that I was banging on or anything.

Mysterycat23 Fri 14-Apr-17 17:51:07

Congratulations OP on all the good news in your post.

Why waste a moment more of your life with this misery guts. You don't owe her anything, people change. Many people have ended a friendship for this reason. Life is hard enough without a so called friend dragging you down! A true friend would be excited and happy for you and encouraging of new found hope and joy. Let go of her and make room in your life for new, positive friends.

Cheaploopaper Fri 14-Apr-17 18:25:25

Phase her the heck out.

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