I'm a foreigner in the country I live in, so there are not many people to choose from as friends and most of them are at work with me so I can't just sack them off and move on. I have a colleague/friend who is as generous and kind as you could hope to meet.
But.
She makes a lot of personal comments that get me down. She was complimenting me on my weight loss after pregnancy but it felt like a burn "Look, those trousers are hanging off your bum!" (I'd just bought them off the internet so they didn't fit properly but at least I could get them around my tum. I hadn't realised the fit was obviously bad, and I liked them until she mentioned it.)
Now she's making comments about my baby! FFS, the baby is 2 months old and it's "look how feminine her feet are" "I bet you are jealous of her long legs". They're all compliments but they fuck me off. What's wrong with how my legs look?!? Can babies have feminine feet and what does it even mean? Am I being unreasonable? I know it's just a baby and there's not much you can say about them "look how short the hair is/wow such little fingernails" but still.
They're little flea bite words. She was making comments about my baby's "low" birth weight (50% percentile) which really was a sore point because of major issues with gaining birth weight back in the first week. This is my baggage and not hers, so she probably doesn't know what she's saying is irrationally hurting my feelings. They don't make me livid or mumsnet "fuming", they just irritate and get under my skin for a short time.
I have considered saying something but people have been making comments about how strident I can be, so I think I overshoot when I think I am being assertive. I like this person and she probably thinks she is being nice but her own insecurities "leak" into what she says. I don't want her to feel as bruised as I feel after talking to her, if you see what I mean.
I have watched her say similar to/about her pre-teen daughter, while she is right there, carving her body up with her words like she's meat
"Look at these hips, I hope she's not chunky like me" sort of thing.
I said nothing because there is no way I am wading into that particular quagmire but there is no way in hell she's going to talk about my kid like that when she can understand actual words.
But what do I say and when can I start? It's not like I can tinkly laugh "you'll give her a complex" when the baby hasn't even realised that she has a body to feel insecure about yet.
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nailbedssuck · 12/04/2017 13:00
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