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Should 12yo and 8yo brothers play in park without me?

(8 Posts)
SicknSpan Wed 12-Apr-17 11:59:13

My STBXH and I disagree about this and I would welcome your views as they won’t be biased with the divorce proceedings issue to help me form my own opinion (I am trying to be logical but part of the reason we split from my point of view- he would argue against it though- is because of his controlling behaviour that made me question my judgement about everything so I am struggling to rely on my own gut feelings!)

We have just moved to a different area of our town, although it is familiar as we know people there and often spend leisure time there too.

There is a skate park 5 mins walk from our new home, and I have been happy to walk the boys there (there is a busy road that I don’t want them to cross alone) and let them play for an hour whilst I walk another 10 mins into town with their little brother in the buggy to run errands, stopping by on the way back to talk to them with their friends and let little one run about before we all head home.

STBXH is concerned about this and I recognise that I need to check my decision if he isn’t comfortable.

Part of our move out of the family home was to allow the boys more social time (we were in a more isolated location before) but am I being reasonable?

Would welcome your views.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Wed 12-Apr-17 12:02:10

Presumably he trusted you to parent the dc when you were together? Tell him you will continue to parent to your standards whether he approves or not. .
Be prepared to have to do the same tho. .

MangoSplit Wed 12-Apr-17 12:02:54

I think this is one where there isn't a right or wrong answer. Some people will think it's OK and some won't. FWIW I wouldn't do this with my 7yo and 11yo (but maybe I would in a year's time!).

McButtonwillow Wed 12-Apr-17 12:03:20


I've just started letting my youngest ds (8 in September) go to our local park with ds1 who's 12.

Ds1 has a phone and they are both sensible and we've run through what to do in different scenarios i.e. If one gets hurt etc.

Ds2 loves being allowed to go with his big brother, its important to encourage independence imo.

drwitch Wed 12-Apr-17 12:06:47

yes if 12 year old is responsible. Two issues for me (having got a skate/scooter mad ds). He would stay by himself for a hour or so from about 9
1) smoking (inc weed) at the skate park - are you happy that they would simple ignore this if it goes on - it does with us 2) what happens if they have a bad fall - before ds had a phone we would simply leave our number in his pocket

RedSkyAtNight Wed 12-Apr-17 12:10:21

Round here lots of DC go to the park unsupervised from age 8/9 so the playing in the park bit would not bother me.

The 12 year old is absolutely fine (does he make his own way to and from school)

For the 8 year old, I'd be slightly worried that you were in town rather than at home (so they wouldn't know exactly where you are) while they were at the park. Are the DC expected to stay together? Do they have a means of contacting you (e.g. mobile phone) if necessary? Do they know other families that live near the park (i.e. emergency bolthole)

HeyCat Wed 12-Apr-17 12:10:39

Well I'd prob allow it but know some parents wouldn't, it's a subjective one. What you don't want to do is to inflame things with the divorce or give him any ammunition.

I assume you talked about safety, what to do in emergencies etc. If so you could respond to ex reassuring him that it's a safe environment, you e taught them how to deal with a problem etc. That way if he complains in court you can show evidence of you being very reasonable.

That1950sMum Wed 12-Apr-17 12:11:23

I'm sorry, but I agree with their Dad. An hour is a long time and a park is an environment over which you have no control. Our local park is often full of bored teenagers (often drinking, swearing and shouting abuse at one another) and isn't therefore a particularly nice place for younger children.

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