having to tell off kid in soft play

[deadpool99]

We were in soft play with DS aged 5. Another boy who is almost adult size (stranger) appears to be chasing DS (no prob if they are playing nicely).
He then picks up DS very quickly, puts him on his lap and goes down slide. Then he chases DS, he tries to pick him up, there's a scuffle as DS is wriggling alot trying to get away. DS falls to ground then this boy picks DS up by his Tshirt so that DS is basically dangling horizontally to the floor being held by his tshirt and jeans by this boy. I rush into the play area by which point he is holding DS down and asking him his name, to which DS replied 'if i tell you will you let me go?'
At this point i shouted 'oi' at this boy to get him to release DS.
His response was that he was 'just playing with my DS'. I said very calmly but sternly 'i don't care. i don't like it. You can play with him but no lifting or pushing or anything like that.'
He agreed. He kept his distance after that.
His M was there but wasn't able to see the actual incident and I did not discuss it with her (it took me ages to work out who the M was anyway).

AIBU to think that this boy should have already known that this is not the way to behave with smaller kids and that i was right to intervene ? And that picking kids up by their clothes is not 'playing'. I always tell my kids to be careful around smaller children.

[NonsensicalNonsense]

Maybe he had some kind of special needs etc? How old would you say he was? Either way you did the right thing.

[deadpool99]

nonsensical
Yes that did cross my mind abotu special needs but as we know it's difficult to tell sometimes. I think he was about 11.

[Floggingmolly]

Do you really think you shouldn't have intervened?

[WorraLiberty]

Of course you were right to intervene

What was the alternative?

As for whether the boy should have known, it's hard to say because he could have SN.

But that's all the more reason for the adult with him, to supervise him around other kids.

In fact, all kids should be supervised anyway but a lot of parents have their heads stuck in their phones for most of the time.

[MrsBobDylan]

I think the fact that a boy around the age of 11 was a) in soft play and b) wanting to play with a random 5 year old would suggest he has sn.

That's why it's always a good idea to keep an eye on kids (as you did) in soft play so you can intervene if necessary. I wouldn't over think it.

[deadpool99]

no i don't really think i shouldn't have intervened. I just wish i didn't have to. I don't like having to do these things. The M and kid were staring at me when i came out of the loo.

[deadpool99]

MrsBob they were there with younger siblings.

[deadpool99]

thanks all. It's good to know i wasn't overreacting.
You're right. Kid may have some SN and not be aware of boundaries.

[WorraLiberty]

No-one likes doing these things but it's all part of it really.

I had to teach myself to take a deep breath during the rushing over, to whatever incident, so I didn't come across as too scary

I learnt to be firm with a death stare, rather then loud and shouty.

[Imaginosity]

Sounds possibly like he had special needs but who knows? My child has autism and sometimes acts up. I watch him much more closely than other parents watch their children but sometimes he gets out of sight. It's very tough because it's a hard way to live your life, always on edge watching, never able to fully relax - but at then same time I know this is not anyone else's problem. It has made me very understanding though of unusual behaviour from other children.

[deadpool99]

thanks worra
I did the death stare too and then got him to shake my hand on a deal to no lifting/pushing etc.

[deadpool99]

Imaginosity yes i understand. I have another child with ASD so did think this may be a possibility after i calmed down.

[Imaginosity]

Oh and of course you were right to intervene as you can't just watch your child get hurt. I think if it was me I'd intervene in a way that gets my child out of the situation rather than trying to give the child a dressing down especially if I suspected SN.

[bigmouthstrikesagain]

You were right to intervene op. For contrast I had to intervene at the park this week as a group of pre schoolers and primary school age kids started to get a bit lord of the flies with my 12 yo ds. My dd2 was putting the converse in as well!

It started innocent enough with d's and his sister's playing and running around with the younger children while on the roundabout. Which he loves, ds has aspergers and is happy to play with younger children despite being nearly teenage and about 5'4" . He is always gentle and let's the little kids push him around a bit sometimes, one of the little ones started riding on ds back then they fell over in the grass and a group started pushing and hitting ds, all in fun at first (as in d's was laughing) but when it got so they were chasing him round the park trying to hit him (all we needed was Benny Hill theme), we intervened and sent our dc on a mission for ice cream. Away from the tiny hoodlums.

Sometimes the big kids need protecting too!

[MrsBobDylan]

He may well have been there with younger siblings but there is no way my NT nine year old would have pulled a child he didn't know onto his lap to go down the slide and hang out with him. And he often ends up in places like soft play to please his younger brothers poor child.

I think this other boy showed such a lack of boundaries than you had to intervene and you did. Sounds like you didn't go overboard but just drew some much-needed boundaries.

[deadpool99]

thanks all

[Wando1986]

One of my nephews looked about 13 when he was 7. He's a giant. But he was still only 7. At just 14 he looks about 22 and fully grown but is still growing

Sometimes they can look a lot older than they really are.