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How do you feel about your parents?

(14 Posts)
CactusFred Thu 06-Apr-17 22:02:35

Met my DSis and DM food in my lunch break today.

There were a few words when DM told DS she was annoyed re something DS had done. I backed DSis that DM was being unreasonable.

Anyway when DM was in the loo DSis suddenly announced 'if she wasn't my mother I'd have nothing to do with her. I get nothing from this relationship'.

I was totally  because they have their moments but I didn't realise she felt like that about mum.

I do get annoyed with my DM but I love her and I enjoy her company most of the time!

As a parent I'd be devastated if my DSis grew up and said something like that about me. 

Is it ok to feel like this about a parent? I'm talking 'normal' upbringings, (in my case that means not a lot of money but never wanted for anything, ingrained work ethic, no abuse from either parent etc)

Am I unreasonable to think my sister is out of line?

deadpool99 Thu 06-Apr-17 22:12:44

If that's the way she feel I don't think you can say she's out of line.

There have been times when i have felt like this about my DM when i was younger, due to various issues, but we get on fantastically well now and wouldn't be without her.

I would just take your Dsis comments with a pinch of salt and leave it be.

WhataMistakeaToMakea Thu 06-Apr-17 22:18:39

I had a 'normal' upbringing. If it wasnt for certain circumstances that I can't change right now I would see my mother once a year for Christmas and tolerate her. I'd attempt to avoid phone calls as much as possible in between. I just can't stand her. My sibling also only tolerates her. She's overbearing, sexist and a martyr and always believes she's right about everything and treats and talks to us (one is in thirties and the other is in forties) as children and we don't know what we are doing. Arghhhh. It's probably not normal though!

WhooooAmI24601 Thu 06-Apr-17 22:23:56

I had an abnormal upbringing; adopted at 10 after 7 years in care. But I love the bones of both of them. There are times we argue or get on each other's nerves; if my Mum and I spend too long together we implode. But I love them and enjoy their company. I'm closer to my Dad than to my Mum, but have great relationships with them both, given the 'abnormal' start to life I had. They're both a huge part in the DCs lives, and both dote on their Grandchildren in a way that makes me love them more.

CactusFred Thu 06-Apr-17 22:44:07

I think I'm upset because I just think if this being me in 20 years time! You love your kids you do your best for them and they decide they don't even like you!

It's true you can't choose your family and I know my mum is far from perfect but she's a decent person.

Trifleorbust Thu 06-Apr-17 22:49:34

I would say that a person's relationship with their parent is a totally individual thing. People can't help their emotions towards a parent.

Brokenbiscuit Thu 06-Apr-17 23:00:08

I don't think your dsis is out of line. She feels how she feels. It sounds like she still makes an effort to see your mum.

I get where you're coming from though. I read what people write about their parents on here, and I'm devastated at the thought that dd might one day feel that way about me. I mean, I try really hard to be a good mum, we get on incredibly well now and I will try to respect her independence as she grows up, but obviously, lots of adult dc do find their parents really difficult.sad

I'm fortunate to have a really good relationship with both of my parents. My dad can be difficult at times but he has a heart of gold and would do anything for me or my dd. My mum is bloody fantastic, has all sorts of baggage which can make life difficult at times, but she is an amazing person. They are both brilliant grandparents, I feel very lucky. Love them to bits and see them every week. (They moved to be near us a few years ago).

GoldSpot Thu 06-Apr-17 23:00:37

My mum died when I was 3 and I never got to know her. My dad died just before I turned 23. He was overbearing and very eccentric - I spent most of my adolescence and early adulthood battling him. Now he is gone and I have children of my own, I miss him desperately. I realise how much he cared about me.

ADayGivingMeHope Thu 06-Apr-17 23:07:50

How old is your sis? Might just be an age thing? Every teen / young adult goes through it I think. Or maybe it was just an off the cuff statement?
I don't like my parents but I see them occasionally so they can see DC, more out of obligation really but then they SAY me and my siblings 'had everything' growing up but actually we had everything money wise but no love from them so that's why for me.

corythatwas Thu 06-Apr-17 23:18:46

What Trifle said. You can't decide what your sister should feel about her relationship with your mother, because it is a different from your relationship with her.

Alisvolatpropiis Thu 06-Apr-17 23:27:31

It may well just be something said in anger, perhaps they've not been getting on so well lately generally speaking.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed Thu 06-Apr-17 23:36:57

Both selfish and self absorbed

I love them but don't like my mum much my dad accepts his mistakes my mum still blames everyone else

I am closer to my mum but get in better with my dad

UptownFlunk Fri 07-Apr-17 00:23:44

You just can't think you understand your sister's relationship with your mother, it may be completely different to yours because she is a different person. I am one of three siblings, two of us dislike our mother for very good reasons (I have been mercifully estranged from her for years) but our other sister is glued to her. This is partly because she is very thick-skinned so can just ignore my mother when she is being vile, partly because she is a drama queen herself so quite enjoys it all and partly because she enjoys the kind of enmeshed lifestyle my mother wants, where you trade personal autonomy for money and 'help'. I think she's bonkers to live a life like that but she thinks it's perfectly healthy.

EffinElle Fri 07-Apr-17 00:25:45

You can chose your friends but you can't chose your family, springs to mind.

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