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To ask my father not to visit?

(14 Posts)
FamilySpartan Wed 05-Apr-17 15:29:43

DH and I are expecting our first child in a few months. Both of our families live in other countries.

We have planned to take time off work, hopefully a few months, as this will quite possibly be our only child due to our ages.

I was recently speaking to my father who mentioned that he and his partner would like to come over when the baby is born and stay for a month. I was a bit taken aback as we didn't really plan to have houseguests immediately, nor do we have space for any. Also, we have no idea how parenthood will work for us. I'm hoping to breastfeed so I imagine I'll be sitting around with my boobs out for much of the day and trying to grab moments of rest. Also, a MONTH?!

DF and his partner would be coming a long way. I don't feel like we can offer them the hospitality that we'd like to, and I don't really want anyone to muscle in on our first months as a family. They aren't very self-sufficient in that they wouldn't be able to drive whilst here, or think to head out for the day or go and do some shopping or sightseeing. I know it will mean that we have another two people to take care of and, frankly, I'm not up for it. I know DH's partner will want to have the baby at every opportunity and I'll probably lose my rag pretty quickly.

AIBU, and is it crushing to just say no?

SleepFreeZone Wed 05-Apr-17 15:51:12

Errrm sod that, say no.

KinkyAfro Wed 05-Apr-17 15:55:44

Fuck no, tell them no now before they make plans

ETanny Wed 05-Apr-17 15:57:28

Could they maybe stop with another family member?

willothewisp17 Wed 05-Apr-17 16:01:18

no, you are not being unreasonable at all! anyone who wishes to impose themselves on you for that long whilst you are adjusting to life with a newborn baby, they are the unreasonable ones! either that or just a little slow 🤔 you'll be busy enough, and in the moments your not busy, you'll be looking for time for yourselves, not looking after other adults!

just say no and explain the situation xx

FamilySpartan Wed 05-Apr-17 16:01:51

Nice idea ETanny but I have no other family here. DH has a sister several hours away but she's never met my DF. I just need to tell him it's not a good idea, don't I.

KinkyAfro Wed 05-Apr-17 16:03:23

Big girl pants op, get him told

Justanothernameonthepage Wed 05-Apr-17 16:08:49

Tell them you appreciate his offer to come and look after you, DH and the baby (I know that's not what would happen) but as there is so limited space and you'll all be trying to work around a newborn and breast feeding on demand, as well being sleep deprived, a month would be far too long to expect him to stay. But once you've found your feet, you'd be more than happy to invite them round but it's going to make much more sense for them to stay at a hotel.

flumpybear Wed 05-Apr-17 16:09:01

I couldn't think of anything worse!!! No way you need bonding time with you, husband and baby
Just say no but tell them why but don't give in - you'll hate them being around

icanteven Wed 05-Apr-17 16:59:46

I would say absolutely yes, the help getting in shopping and helping to look after the baby/me will be very welcome, and does he need help choosing an Airbnb. Naturally staying here so soon after the birth will not be possible. Airbnb around here is great and they can be within a short walk of X.

If they choose not to come, then that is their business.

SquinkiesRule Wed 05-Apr-17 17:10:29

Say No.
My mother booked to come see us for a couple of weeks but booked for 8 weeks after my due date to give us time to settle. Ds came early so was 10 weeks when she arrived. It seemed to me like the perfect time for us.

FamilySpartan Wed 05-Apr-17 17:48:45

Ugh. Obviously at the end it should say 'DF's partner', not DH.

Yes, I will hoik up my big girl pants and tell him to book for November at the very earliest.

Thanks for your replies.

JonesMalone Thu 06-Apr-17 13:40:11

Just say no!
I was in a very similar situation with my mum. She told me she wanted to stay to 'help'. She literally sat on her ass all day and had me running around after her.
I didn't feel I could be too forceful with her while she was here because she'd have. No where to go after the inevitable argument.
It's been 2 years and I still resent her for doing that.
If you aren't 100% sure they will help you out a lot then tell them no.

Allthebestnamesareused Thu 06-Apr-17 14:33:08

November would be good Dad and by the way here is the address of a really nice B&B up the road....

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