To be completely sick of listening to my toddler?(13 Posts)
She whinges and whines and cries all the while when she is with me. Whenever we are at home together or if I've just been reunited with her, for instance after a day at nursery or after a morning with Mil. I'm always told how happy she is so wtf am I doing wrong. At nursery she'll be playing happily, clock me and that's it, the tears start. It's like she bottles it up for me, the cork pops and off she goes. Then the whinging just seems to continue all the way home and for the afternoon/evening. She only really seems to stop when we go out together or if I'm not there at all. I don't think it's a tired thing, this morning it started at 6.30 until we left the house. I wonder if she is bored or if I need to stop Bf'ing.
It's starting to really wind me up. Makes me wanna scream and slam doors. Then she wakes during the night with more crying. DH is fed up with trying to talk to me over her whinging too, I feel the tension and he ends up leaving for work early or bailing out to another room.
DD is 17 months and always been a whingey baby from day.
AIBU to have such strong resentment about her crying with me all the bloody time? Do I just need more patience?
It sounds shit. Don't feel guilty for being sick of it, who wouldn't be? Maybe she is bored. My DS (18months) is like that if he's inside too long. But whatever it is, you will work it out with time. Until then don't beat yourself up about feeling a bit "FML!".
No real solution I know, but I've found the guilt I feel when something's driving me batshit only contributes massively to the problem.
Is it possible that she's tired and hungry when you collect her from nursery?
Mine usually are when I collect them and we usually drive home with two crying children.
I also find that mine whinge more when we're all cooped up inside all day. When we're out and about they're always happier so possibly it's linked to boredom at home?
We are bf-ing here too. I don't link that to whingeyness and wouldn't give it up as I'd find it harder to settle without just allowing baby to nurse!
Sounds hard work. The only comfort I can offer is that if she whines with you, you're doing something right. A friend used to work in a school for children with emotional and behavioural difficulties, and said that one of the reason children played up at school was because it was their safe place - most of them had hideous home lives. A healthy, happy child plays up at home, because that's where they feel most secure. I realise that doesn't make the whining any less annoying...
It's shit now, it will pass.
My first DS was like this (still is) and it is tiredness. If he doesn't have a good nights sleep and when he was younger, a nap, I deal with a beast.
My younger sister - who I was childcare for as there is a huge age gap was also like this.
Always had reports back of how wonderful she is but the demon was unleashed as soon as we stepped out of that setting!
My mum always said she would rather it was that way round as it meant she wasn't left embarrassed by her behaviour at nursery/school etc.
Couldn't of left my mum that desperate, she had another 2 after!
She is now however, joining the circus....so perhaps she was a little odd!
DS went through a phase of being like that with me - happy with everyone else and a right whinge beast with me. I felt a bit rejected (as well as driven mad by the endless whining) but actually tried to take it as a compliment - mummy is the only person they can let the mask slip with, because they are totally secure in your love. They know they don't have to be on their best behaviour, because you'll love them anyway. So it's a sign of a good attachment. DS is 2.5 now and happy with me and with eve one, so it will pass. Don't feel guilty for it getting on your last nerve, just try not to be impatient because of it, is my advice. Scream into a pillow in another room.
Kids typically do this with moms who never tell them off for whinging. You have to nip it in the bud or it escalates and she will always use a whiny voice in your presence. Tell her to stop whining and use a normal voice or you won't listen.
Some of your above responses are ridiculous. Whinging is NOT a sign of good attachment to the mother and it is NOT a sign of feeling safe and secure. They are whinging because you let them do it. I've known kids who don't whinge simply because they were never encouraged to do it. Constant whining is a sign of being spoiled and undisciplined. Occasional whining is okay but if it goes on all day it is the mother's fault. But it is a bit difficult to admit to it, isn't it?
Ditto what Sheepy said: in my experience children play-up the most where they feel safest. So in good news; you're winning!!
for you - DD has had a particularly whingey WEEK (she's only five months old) and I'm already ready to scream (silently into the abyss, I realise screaming at her would be entirely counterproductive).
NeonGod I hadn't read it as using a whiny voice, the OP suggests DD gets upset and tearful, full of emotion rather than just a whiney Nora!
Thanks for being so understanding! Some really reassuring words of wisdom, nice to know other people get it. And that I'm not a crap mum for letting it drive me mad. I will approach tomorrow with a new outlook on the whinging! Starling i nearly cried when I read your reply- flippin heck you can tell it's been a bad day. or to all of you that have endured a constant whinger!!!
Yes, Notthebell, you're right she becomes whingey then tearful. She only says about three things at the moment so I can't really as her to explain herself with words
or the cat would feature heavily in any explanations. She's still very little but it's just so relentless! I actually dread picking her up or arriving home to her :-(
Stop resenting DD for a start.
Try tickling her when she whinges instead. She'll soon start to learn the joy of laughter in her DM's company.
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