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To ask advice on ex SD

(10 Posts)
Tinkerbec Tue 28-Mar-17 19:59:49

Background will keep it brief for ease.

9-10 years ago I met a man with two girls age 4 and 7. Loved them. Had dd all get on well. They lived a distance away but we saw them holidays weekends etc.
Three years ago split with their and my dd's Dad. He was vile to me when we split abusive texts. Still wanted us back together. Slagged off my parents when he was drunk etc. Just vile.

Now it is sort of amicable for dd but I still get the odd abusive text when he is drunk. I have seen both step daughters when they visit not the whole time but a day here and there. we text etc.

Ex has asked me to look after ex sd 2 for three - four days at Easter as he is on a course for three days. She doesn't want to stay with her mum as she looks after her younger sister ( not exes) and mum has met a new guy who smokes weed in the house. She has had to swop her bedroom to the living room as the music was keeping her up and she is embarrassed to bring friends home. She also want to see my dd and her Dad.

So what do I do? It would mean staying at exes house as I live with my Parents while he is away. Which I really don't like to do. Dd will love it but I had plans work to do etc, girls night and I won't be able to see my boyfriend for four days and we are looking forward to the hols as it has been a hard term.
I am thinking of doing it though as I still love them both. Older sis is 17 and off with her boyfriend all of the time.

Tinkerbec Tue 28-Mar-17 21:21:49

Some friends say that it's not my problem anymore and I have my own life. Just torn.

shyturnip Tue 28-Mar-17 21:26:31

I wouldn't do it.

From what you say about your ex, this could be the start of something permanent and your friends are right. You've moved on and have your own life. Your ex is not a priority anymore. Don't let him make his mark on your life again.

Justanothernameonthepage Tue 28-Mar-17 21:29:12

If I was making the decision, I'd probably say yes, but see if she wants to do a sleepover at a friend's on the last night and her Dad can pick her up from there so you can have one of the nights to see friends/BF. But it would be doing it for her, not ex. And you shouldn't feel guilty if you decide not to do it or if you can only do one night.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Tue 28-Mar-17 21:31:39

If you are intending to have her in your lives for the foreseeable future I would ask your parents if she can squeeze in with you all. Or ask ex for some money towards a mini break to take them away for a few days.

Tinkerbec Tue 28-Mar-17 21:33:27

Thanks all there is nobody she could stay with here though. We live 300m away from her.

I probably would feel guilty you are right.

Laurendisorder Tue 28-Mar-17 21:56:18

Has your DSD asked you to look after her - it sounds like she needs some support?

Tinkerbec Tue 28-Mar-17 22:06:35

Not directly. I am not sure who suggested it. sd or my ex.
I think you maybe right.

I wish I had my own house. It wouldn't bother me as much then.

MrsTwix Tue 28-Mar-17 22:07:37

She is your daughters half sister. He might be your ex but to my mind if she is your child's family she is your family. If you want to do it and it will be nice for DD then why not.

Tinkerbec Tue 28-Mar-17 22:29:33

I agree. It's just sleeping in his bed etc using his stuff.

Just makes me feel a bit queezy. Maybe that's silly.

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