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AIBU?

I am trying to be chilled about this. Am I right?

68 replies

Nicotina · 28/03/2017 09:27

This has only come to light now. Not sinister but could have been. Dd (was 12) went on a camping weekend with school pal (girl also 12), brother of friend (year younger) and their parents. For one night, the Mum was called away for an emergency todo with her own Mum. Dad left in charge of 3 kids. Sensible bloke. Or so I thought. Turns out, while he slept - separate area of big tent - the three sneaked out for what actually sounded like an Enid Blyton adventure- exploring some nearby woods to look for badgers. No one found out at the time ; they all got back safely. My dd fessed up when we were discussing camping. I told her she could easily have asked the Dad to supervise some nocturnal animal search. I also explained how much difficulty she could have got into. She said she had her phone but I doubt the signal was any good - rural area. I haven't told the parents of the other two yet. Should I tell them? I doubt this would have happened if the Mum had been there. Her emergency turned out to be not so serious- Mum's Mum had leaky pipes and got panicky. And should I let her go away with them again?

OP posts:

Report

Noodoodle · 28/03/2017 09:42

At 12 they knew what they were doing. They didn't want supervision so didn't seek it. I wouldn't expect a parent watching 12 year olds to stay up all night in csser they decided to wander off. Teaching dd not to do that would be better. I personally wouldn't bother telling anyone. The mum's emergency being important or not, isn't important.

EastMidsMummy · 28/03/2017 09:44

It's fine. 12 year olds pushing at the edges of what their Mums think is safe to do is exactly what spirited 12 year olds should be doing.

Peados don't hang around woods at night waiting for children. The dark makes children move more slowly and carefully. An organised nature hunt with Dad would be a hundred times less fun.

Noodoodle · 28/03/2017 09:44

*case not csser

JonesyAndTheSalad · 28/03/2017 09:46

It sounds like a normal/silly thing. I wouldn't be too stressed. I have a 12 year old and one of her mates' Mum is very, very relaxed. Whilst there one night, my DD and her mate went to the nearby GRAVEYARD at midnight!

I told her not to do such sill things again. But it was done. Nothing the Mum could have done anyway as she was quite understandably asleep!

KoalaDownUnder · 28/03/2017 09:48

Not seeing how the kids sneaking past him while he was asleep somehow refiectsbafkg on the dad!

Also not seeing the problem, tbh. I wouldn't bother telling anybody.

BewtySkoolDropowt · 28/03/2017 09:48

In what way is the Dad not sensible? He wasn't at fault here...

BearNose · 28/03/2017 09:48

doubt this would have happened if the Mum had been there.

How would the mum have been different surely she wouldn't stay up all night to watch 12 year olds even if she was there

KoalaDownUnder · 28/03/2017 09:49

*reflects badly

Ffs.

PuntCuffin · 28/03/2017 09:50

Sensible bloke. Or so I thought

I am not seeing anything here that counters the dad being a sensible bloke. Should he have slept in with the girls
Or stayed awake all night? How can you be sure the mum would have heard, other than sexist assumption that the dad wasn't paying attention.

They were 12 and in a group. Nothing bad happened. I suspect they were out for a lot shorter time than they think. Every minute feels like an hour in the dark.

Pinkheart5915 · 28/03/2017 09:51

Surely at 12 they knew sneaking out while dad was asleep, saying nothing was wrong? I definitely think a 12 year old knew that was naughty

I also would expect the Mum/dad to sleep in separate areas of the tent for dc of that age. So I don't really see how this is all Dads fault and would never of happened if Mum was there as Mum would of been asleep I a separate area too

Would I say anything no I don't think I would as for letting your dd go again well that's up to you

CherieBabySpliffUp · 28/03/2017 09:54

You put their ages at the time so how long ago was this?
Maybe their DD has told them about it already. If that is the case and they haven't told you then I wouldn't allow my DD to go away with them again

WateryTart · 28/03/2017 09:57

It sounds like a wonderful adventure. They are old enough for such things.

SparkleTwinkleGoldGlitter · 28/03/2017 09:59

At 12 the children absouletly knew it was naughty and they shouldn't of been going out. Your dd knew what she was doing as did the other children

What did the dad do wrong here? At 12 I would expect the parents to sleep separate rather than in with my child.

Wouldn't of happened if Mum was there, bullshit she would more than likely of also been asleep in the separate part of the tent so they could just of easily of got out.

Would I say anything, no
Would I let my child go again, well to me the Dad done absolutely nothing wrong but your child should of known better so unless I felt that she could be trusted No I wouldn't

OnionKnight · 28/03/2017 10:03

The dad did nothing wrong and I'm not sure how the mum being there would have changed things, your daughter and her friends knew what they were doing.

SerialReJoiner · 28/03/2017 10:04

Sounds mostly harmless to me.

WelliesAndPyjamas · 28/03/2017 10:06

I would only mention it if your dd gets invited camping or for a sleepover again. You have given your dd a stern talking to and you have to trust her not to do it again, especially as she is now a year okder. At least she had the courage to tell you about it eventually.

My ds1 was at a class sleepover when he was in yr 5 and a bunch of them sneaked out of the house and went to the park in the middle of the night. Some of the kids, ds included, stayed behind and the guilt of knowing what had happened made him and others tell parents about it the next day. Some of the mums then got a bit dramatic about it and one tried to persuade me to join a 'concerned group' who would approach the ringleader's parents (it was their house) about it. I didn't, I'm not in to that kind of 'pack' approach, but instead talked with ds about it and had a private agreement that he wouldn't go for sleepovers in that house again.

Nicotina · 28/03/2017 10:06

Thanks for the replies. I only mentioned it not happening if Mum was there because she is a light sleeper (or says she is, she's someone I know fairly well - both were our dds at same primary). Not because she's The Mum.
As for the Dad not being sensible, on reflection, I am underestimating how exhausting 3 preteens on a camping holiday would be - especially if he had to fly solo unexpectedly. No wonder he didn't wake up.
This happened about a year ago.
I didn't want to kick off about it although it unnerved me a bit.

OP posts:

eddiemairswife · 28/03/2017 10:06

Reminds me of the time, when camping with my best friend and her family, we children got up at midnight to disable some rabbit traps we had seen a man setting earlier, and threw them into the sea. We were 12 and 14. It was exciting and we told no-one.

Fruitcocktail6 · 28/03/2017 10:07

Completely harmless non-event.

BakeOffBiscuits · 28/03/2017 10:08

Me dd and her friends did exactly the same thing, on a SCHOOL trip!

When I arrived to pick her up a parent volunteer accosted me in the car park and had a rant about how awful my dd had behaved. I was absolutely livid with DD when I found her and told her we were going to speak to the teacher in charge. The teacher said "we've dealt with this already and DD has apologised" she then took me aside and apologised to me for the parent helper accosting me and the teacher said it happened ever single year!

So OP I wouldn't be too her up, nothing happened to them and it's something you will laugh about in about 10 years

BakeOffBiscuits · 28/03/2017 10:10

Excuse typos

I meant children going on midnight walks happened every single year.

Feckitall · 28/03/2017 10:10

I thought you were going to say dad got tanked up on stella and insisted they slept in same tent compartment!
How would mum have stopped them unless she stayed awake or slept in with them?
At 12 they knew it wasn't allowed but did it anyway...
I wouldn't say anything, what's done is done, just a chat about personal safety with DD and you have an anecdote for the wedding speech..

BearsDontDigOnDancing · 28/03/2017 10:10

Why would it not have happened if the Mom had been there? Are mothers more likely to sit up all night, in case a couple of 12 year olds sneak out in the middle of the night, when they know they should not?

Not sure why the poor dad is getting the blame for something it seems your daughter knows she should not have done.

lostatsea1 · 28/03/2017 10:11

Some 12 years olds went for a walk in the woods on their own and came back safely.

Or am I missing something?????

If my 12 year old asked me if she could do this I think I would have said absolutely have a ball!!!

ToesInWater · 28/03/2017 10:12

What was the dad supposed to do, sleep at the door to the tent in case the silly 12 year olds decided to wander? Would the mum being there have been any different? Kids had an adventure, if you want to blame anyone blame your daughter for doing something she probably knew wasn't the most sensible, not the adult for not supervising when he shouldn't have needed to.

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