At 24, I was on top of the world. I was engaged to the man I loved, graduating postgrad, about to embark on a high-paying career yada yada yada. A few years later -in my early thirties- we had (still have!) two beautiful smart children, our own home etc. I am not exaggerating when I say younger women told me they looked up to me, - I had money, a career, family, etc. I was pretty and slim, smart and confident.
Sometime around ten years ago things started to go wrong. My ExH started to become physically abusive, moody and generally unreliable. At first I was in denial it was happening, also didn`t want to let my family know. He was also normalish for long stretches of time- up to years before the next outburst. I also made some "wrong" career choices (follow your heart not your head type of thing) and changed my field of work- my previous field proving very stressful and travel-heavy, and I felt it was causing my family troubles. I still was able to get jobs, but it wasn't the great career path I had in my twenties. I started retraining for another career.
Fast forward to now- I am now 42 years old. I have spent a packet of money on divorce and legal proceedings trying to get rid of my crazy X- basically draining my savings. I have a contract until September, and after that no job. I have been applying for jobs and not even one callback. The latest vacancy sent me a form letter saying over 400 people had applied for that position.
I have no child support from the X- he has moved to another country. I have no close family in the city I currently live in, and the children aren't allowed to travel (both parents have to agree for them to travel, and we are in no contact with the father. The divorce bureaucracy is a whole other level of crazy). Once my current job is over in Sept, we will have no benefits, no extended insurance, no salary.
On a side note, as a fun extra, I have become obsessed with aging as it affects my appearance, daily charting new white hairs and wrinkles. Especially I notice how my face seems to be ~falling off~ when I look at my reflection with my head tilted.
I am facing a future where I have to get my children through their teen years with no support, and an insecure financial situation. When I think about the future my insides shrivel with fear. It's one thing to be responsible for yourself and then feel as if you have failed yourself. It's another thing to think about your hopeful bright lovely children and their future and feel you have failed them and have their futures weighing on you.
AIBU?
You all had such good advice for the OP who was 24 and felt like a failure. It got me thinking about where I was at 24 and where I am now. WWYD?
user1489670695 · 24/03/2017 08:28
op 
one of the greatest gifts you can teach and show your dc by example is how you deal with all the problems life throws at you. No life - even the royals - the richest people on earth The ghettys lives are insulated from massive problems and tragedy.
In the grand scheme of things it sounds like you have had a really good number of years, things go wrong, no life is perfect.
YOu have not failed your dc in any way at all! This is all par for the course of life. I dont know a single family that is not dealing with tragedy and problems in some way. You are who you are, your dc love you, this is life 
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A for face, I had small bit of this turning 40, keep moisturizing and drinking water! step away from mirror.
"spare room"- LOL I wish! I did used to take in a lodger when they were smaller and X had moved out- I charged much less rent than the going rate and they babysat for me- great arrangement!
Now DD is 15 and can babysit her younger brother, and needs her own room. Actually I was reading a thread on here a while back about how OP has two kids in a 2-bdroom flat and she plans to sleep in the living room- It was a really helpful to read and I was like yup that's gonna be me.
Same with the fun things- games and homemade popcorn was a treat when they were younger, as they grown older it feels like its all about the money... tbh my main concern isn't the money right now, as such, its just the horrible uncertainty and insecurity. The kids know about the job hunt and September, but I don't want them to worry, and so it's more like "oh yes something will turn up" -screaming inside-. In fact I may have done too good of a job of shielding them, since yesterday DD asked if we could join this fancy-ass sports and swimming club where some of her friends go and I was like whaaaa? Are we on the same planet? 
I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. All I can say that I bet there are still lots of people who look up to you. Also, I know this sounds ridiculous but finding tv programs and films about glamourous, attractive people in their forties might help a bit? Mid forties is still pretty young and can still be super chic.
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