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Friend being just as bad as the other

(22 Posts)
Redtwizller Tue 21-Mar-17 08:34:26

3 of us let's call one Sarah and one Zoe. me and Sarah had a few problems bit of falling out relationship was very up and down. Zoe and Sarah then had a drunk argument didn't end well. I decided to not see Sarah for a while didn't speak for a few months. She messaged me apologising for her behaviour and asked to make amends. I decided to give her another chance and rather than speak everyday it's once a week. We maybe meet up once a month rather than every week. I'm building up my trust with her and she seems to have matured settling down more. Zoe has always said she was a bitch and horrible always saying mean things. She can't get over the argument they had. Every time we meet and someone brings Sarah up she goes off on one bitching about her calling her vile saying she won't go near her. I feel she basically accusing Sarah of what she's doing herself. it's hard to sit there and listen to her bitching about someone im friends with. I feel like there's double standards I've tried saying things. Like don't say things like that or you trying to be worse than Sarah or she is still my friend. I don't no what else to say it's making seeing her really awkward

RB68 Tue 21-Mar-17 08:41:53

Well you can see what sort of "friend" she is and how forgiving in flaws in the other she is etc - walk away

Redtwizller Tue 21-Mar-17 09:26:50

Worst part is my boyfriend hated Sarah to and when I mention Zoe being horrible about her he agrees with what she is saying

ImFuckingSpartacus Tue 21-Mar-17 09:57:02

I think you should all grow the hell up and get some actual grown up friends.
None of you seem to be acting remotely like adults.

Redtwizller Tue 21-Mar-17 10:08:34

I think I am being grown up how am I not a had a falling out with a friend and took a back seat of the friendship

ImFuckingSpartacus Tue 21-Mar-17 10:14:35

Grown ups don't have fights and fallings outs, or treat friendships as if they are intimate relationships, they don't bitch behind each others backs and get their boyfriends involved etc etc.....

sounds like an episode of one of those inane reality shows.....

Allthebestnamesareused Tue 21-Mar-17 10:22:54

Just say I'd rather not talk about Sarah as we have moved on from our difficulties.

WhereYouLeftIt Tue 21-Mar-17 10:26:56

"Zoe has always said she was a bitch and horrible always saying mean things."
Always? Even before their drunk argument? To her face? Just behind her back? If she always thought that of Sarah, how did they ever become friends? Or does Zoe just have people she doesn't like around her to perform a function - someone to go out drinking with, or to feel superior to? Zoe sounds nice hmm.

What age are you all? Because I have to agree with ImFuckingSpartacus, none of this behaviour is adult. It all sounds drama-llama duck-poutty ridiculous.

It's not compulsory to be friends with people you don't like. You don't have to meet up with anyone you don't like. You don't have to listen endlessly to the rantings of anyone you don't like. If you don't like Sarah or Zoe, you don't have to be their friend. You don't have to tell them you're not their friend, just dial it back a bit, be busy elsewhere etc.

TheLegendOfBeans Tue 21-Mar-17 10:32:51

Spartacus

Grown ups don't have fights and fallings outs

If that were true then approximately 80% of the threads on here would be vanished in a one-ner!

ImFuckingSpartacus Tue 21-Mar-17 10:53:01

They all sound like children too!
I don't recognise that behaviour as very adult, all this she said she said nonsense and so on. Who has time for this shit?

Redtwizller Tue 21-Mar-17 11:37:34

I told you I dield it back with Sarah and you all said I was childish

Introvertedbuthappy Tue 21-Mar-17 11:43:24

Have you asked your parents if you could move schools to make a new set of friends?

watchoutformybutt Tue 21-Mar-17 11:48:58

Introverted grin grin

Redtwizller Tue 21-Mar-17 12:05:46

Seriously haven't any of you read Mumsnet adults fall out all the time guessing you've never had an argument with a friend

ImFuckingSpartacus Tue 21-Mar-17 12:06:41

No, I don't have arguments with my friends. I'm not 9.

Redtwizller Tue 21-Mar-17 12:20:57

Half of Mumsnet is full of arguments is half of Mumsnet childish

WhereYouLeftIt Tue 21-Mar-17 15:37:32

Yes - arguments about something - not 'ooh she's so vile ranty ranty rant.'

alltouchedout Tue 21-Mar-17 15:41:35

No, I don't have arguments with my friends. I'm not 9.

Are you sure? That wasn't the most adult of responses.

mumofthemonsters808 Tue 21-Mar-17 15:55:09

My friend, is friends with someone I intensly dislike and I can't bring myself to say anything positive about her when her name is mentioned, therefore ever time my friend starts talking about her I just say I don't want to know, yes it's childish, but I can't help the way I feel, closing the conversation down works for me.

Ginkypig Tue 21-Mar-17 16:15:39

I cut ties with a friend of over ten years after her increasing bad treatment of me. I still miss her but for my own wellbeing I can't have a relationship with her.

We were part of a group of 4.

One of them dropped me because she was friends with the other first that's her decision, I don't understand it but I respect it.

The other though has stayed friends with both of us. I absolutely do not bitch to her even when the fallout first happened. It's not fair to put her in the middle, i prefer not really to talk in depth about her as to be honest I would want her to feel she's being talked about but will say hope she's doing ok if she comes up in conversation.

I don't wish bad on my old friend even though she treated me badly I just can't have her in my life now. It really is as simple as that.

So the other friend has two independent friendships (one with me and one with her) now that don't crossover that's the only difference which was easy to do as there weren't any other mutual friends in common. I would have hated her to feel awkward or uncomfortable as the issues had nothing to do with her.

CaptainMarvelDanvers Tue 21-Mar-17 16:34:28

When both you and Zoe weren't friends with Sarah, when her name was brought did you ever express mutual dislike? Because your boyfriend also dislikes Sarah I'm guessing when her name did get brought up you more than likely did engage in a bit of a slagging off session at least once. You've now made friends with Sarah and you probably think things should go back to how they were before you all fell out.

It does remind me of falling out with my friends when I was 11.

Redtwizller Tue 21-Mar-17 17:18:56

I've always been friends with both these girls from school I never slagged Sarah off I would just often get back in from a night out where Sarah had left me or Been bailed on again or she borrowed money off me never gave it back was only like the odd fiver so he obviously has a bad picture of her from the time he's picked me up from going out and I've been upset

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