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AIBU?

To feel like dh shouldn't do this

20 replies

TheCalamityJane · 20/03/2017 18:19

My stepkids live with me and dh full time. Dh got a new job in January and it involves a lot of traveling to the states. This leaves me all alone with four teenagers in the house for about 50% of the time.

It is awkward and hard work especially when they clash and things have gone downhill with the relationship between my stepchildren and my kids when they were once great and really close. It must feel weird to them to be parented by a stranger.

They can't go to mum because she isn't around I get on with them well but don't have much of a bond with them.

OP posts:

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NavyandWhite · 20/03/2017 18:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ImperialBlether · 20/03/2017 18:23

You've written about this before haven't you? I think your husband has a real nerve going off and expecting you to look after everyone.

TheCalamityJane · 20/03/2017 18:27

Do you want him to change jobs? Sorry I'm unsure what you're saying.

I want him to change jobs yes I don't want to be a single mum 50% to two children who aren't mine.

OP posts:

Gallavich · 20/03/2017 18:29

Of course he shouldn't do it. He has 2 kids and he can't just leave them for weeks on end. Sounds like he's already doing it though - how did it come about?

Angryangryyoungwoman · 20/03/2017 18:30

Were the children already born when you got married?

NavyandWhite · 20/03/2017 18:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BrieAndChilli · 20/03/2017 18:33

How long have you been together? If only recently then yes it is probably weird to be a parent to kids you don't know. If it's been a few years then you should have developed a good relationship with them by now.
Did he have the kids all the time when you got together? If so then you knew what you were taking on. If again it's only recently then yes probably a bit too soon
This is why I would never live with another man if me and DH split up, it just gets too complicated for everyone involved. I'd rather keep the 2 semi seperate until the kids are grown up.

Allthebestnamesareused · 20/03/2017 18:45

How do you propose he is going to support the 4 children (and possibly you) if he gives up his job?

MrsTerryPratchett · 20/03/2017 18:48

I feel so sad for the stepkids. Mum not around, not much bond with the person they spend the most time with, dad off in the States avoiding them (it must feel). Poor buggers.

What was the discussion around the job? Alternatives?

sick0fmykids · 20/03/2017 18:51

I dont think i would agree to that!

BackforGood · 20/03/2017 19:07

It's not that straightforward though, is it?

Depends on all sorts of things like how long you have jointly been parents to the youngsters. How long he has been doing the job. If the travel is new. What you expect him to do if he gives up the job. This is all intertwined with finance and prospects and career paths, etc. Part of a much bigger conversation, not as simple as "don't let him go".

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 20/03/2017 19:29

It must be really hard for your step children, feel for them in this situation.
You need to speak to your DH about alternatives, just giving up his job is ridiculous -what discussion went before accepting this role?

Trifleorbust · 20/03/2017 19:32

It depends on quite a few factors, as pp have said. What were the circumstances around him taking on a job with so much travel? How long have you been together?

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 20/03/2017 19:37

You can feel any way you like.

What do you want to do about it though?

Love51 · 20/03/2017 19:41

This is the sort of thing that would need lots of discussion in a nuclear family, (if that's the right term) because you can't automatically expect your child's other parent to facilitate this degree of absenteeism. I think when you add in the step element, a few more checks and reassurances from the dh would be in order. Our kids aren't teens yet, but we did the working apart thing pre kids, and it put a strain on a very simple setup, which yours isn't. Your dh is asking a lot, does he not realise, or not care?

GirlElephant · 21/03/2017 06:16

OP agree with other posters what was discussed when his lifestyle changed?

Happyfeet1972 · 21/03/2017 06:49

Of course he shouldn't do it. Poor kids indeed, what the hell would he do if you two split up? I'd expect my DP to only take a job with such implications by discussing it through with me first (and me him)...And that's without 4 kids in the mix , 2 of which aren't even yours.

NapQueen · 21/03/2017 06:52

It must feel weird to them to be parented by a stranger

How on earth are you a stranger to them if they live with you full time and you and their dad are married?

What an odd thing to say

LindyHemming · 21/03/2017 06:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user1486915549 · 21/03/2017 07:15

You say you are a stranger to them.
Have you only just got together with their father ?

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