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...for not wanting to be told where to live...

(15 Posts)
Punkatheart Sun 19-Mar-17 18:07:45

Had a fairly crappy number of years - partner left and daughter had a lot of mental health and physical health problems. I have incurable lymphoma but I manage it with chemo shots. Have adapted to doing some work from home but now have sold our house in the south east and moved in with my mother temporarily. I have the money to buy a home and I have found a area I really love - Stroud. But the family are being quite 'heavy' in the sense that they would prefer me to live in Bristol, which would be more convenient for them. I know that they only want the best for me and that they want to help. Bristol is lovely but I have set my heart on Stroud. It's not exactly miles away. I don't want to live somewhere that is more convenient for people and I am beginning to feel like a burden. I know that I am poorly but I love my independence, like solitude and really don't want to be overwhelmed by family all the time. I am beginning to feel very stroppy and it's taking the joy out of looking for my home. I want to settle somewhere where I am happy. Surely I deserve that now or am I being selfish?

thecatneuterer Sun 19-Mar-17 18:19:52

I don't think that thinking about it in terms of what you 'deserve' is helpful. I think most of us think we deserve all sorts of nice things, but understand that practical and financial limitations mean we can't always have them.

It sounds as though you will continue to need practical help from family, and they feel they will only be able to offer this if you live close enough. This is then a major practical consideration you need to take into account if you want to continue receiving their help.

thecatneuterer Sun 19-Mar-17 18:23:18

If on the other hand you really feel you don't need their help and would be happier without them around so often then go for it and don't feel guilty.

Punkatheart Sun 19-Mar-17 18:38:13

Yes, I understand your points, the catneuterer - but there are no financial restrictions here, as I can afford a small house inStroud. We are however talking about the difference between Stroud and Bristol, which as far as travelling to me, is hardly huge. I have coped on my own for a very long time and I am a very private person. I just don't want to live on the doorstep of family - I would be suffocated. I would disagree that we cannot have the life we feel we deserve - after numerous medical stuff and horrendous situations with my daughter, I want now a calm, relatively stress-free life.

FeckTheMagicDragon Sun 19-Mar-17 18:59:22

YANBU - it's 30 miles, not 300. Do you have transport? I live about the same distance from some of my family. Any closer and we'd kill each other smile

rjay123 Sun 19-Mar-17 19:00:28

Stroud is lovely (albeit hilly). Bristol is expensive.

Punkatheart Sun 19-Mar-17 19:03:04

I don't drive but I am pretty happy with public transport and it's important to me to walk as much as I can, to keep fit. Ha - exactly that, Feck. Family is lovely but some of need space!

clarrylove Sun 19-Mar-17 19:03:19

Stroud is fab and on the mainline from Paddington - 90 mins. Stick to your guns.

Punkatheart Sun 19-Mar-17 19:25:36

Good to hear that Clarry - I love it there. It just feels like home.

Punkatheart Sat 22-Jul-17 22:21:57

Well Stroud didn't quite work out - I couldn't get the property I wanted. I am now buying a house in Coalway, Gloucestershire. Thanks for all your advice though.

Madwoman5 Sat 22-Jul-17 23:46:45

Coalway or coaley?

Gemini69 Sun 23-Jul-17 00:46:59

move where YOU want to move too x

Italiangreyhound Sun 23-Jul-17 01:24:55

OP are you expecting your family to visit you often etc? Or help you at all?

If not then live where you want to. You do not need to justify where you live to your wider family.

If you think you deserve a nice life after years of illness and problems, I 100% agree with you.

Do not let your family push you around.


BoysofMelody Sun 23-Jul-17 01:31:01

As others have said, if you need or will need family care in the future or expect that they'll continue to provide childcare, I can sort of see their point, if family members are visiting daily, the journey time could easily be two hours and adds up to over 400 miles a week.

If you are relatively certain you can remain independent, then go for it...

Punkatheart Mon 24-Jul-17 19:22:04

I will be in Coalway which is now much closer to my folks. Everyone is really getting their knickers in a twist about me not being able to cope. Childcare is not an issue - my girl is 20.

Thanks so much for your support and the virtual flowers, Italiangreyhound. I have contemplated suicide many many times and the thought of having my own little home, near nature, with clear forest skies at night, is a comfort. My life is not great - in fact health-wise it is really awful in the sense that my condition is disfiguring and makes me feel unattractive. But concentrating on painting the walls and thinking of the future makes me feel I might have options.

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