Aibu....family theory!(8 Posts)
Hi all first post so please be gentle....
I have nc with my dads family and haven't done so in over 12 years.The nc contact comes from my dads side as they blamed my mom for my dads alcoholism. However I've always had a gut feeling that there is a massive secret being kept from me by my dad and his family.
I think that my dads sister is my nan and my dad is her son. My aunty was 15 when my dad was born, the people who I am told are my gp where in their late 40s when my dad was born and although not impossible, I was always told that my uncle who is adopted was adopted due to the difficulties that they had conceiving my aunty and after her birth.
This might well stem from an overactive teenage mind but I just can't shake this off and now I would like to discover the truth for my own sanity as if this is true changes everything about who and where I come from. My bf says to leave it as I doesn't change anything but i think it does. Aibu to peruse this ?
What does it change if you're NC with all of them?
I'm with your bf tbh, you need to stop going over and over this in your mind because it doesn't actually change any thing.
My Dads "sister" is actually his Mum. I always knew but he didn't find out until he was a teenager. He always saw his Nan as his Mum (and called her Mum- she's dead now) and has nothing to do with his biological mother as she's not a very nice lady, frankly.
Are you NC with your Dad or just his family? It's a hard one because I'm glad I know the truth about my family for lots of reasons but if it hadn't been out in the open it wouldn't really have been my right to peruse, I don't think. It's been very damaging for my Dad and caused him a lot of upset and anguish- if your suspicion is this case and your Dad doesn't know it might well be very troubling for him.
But if you think about it, what would it change? If you were right or wrong do you think you'd have more contact with them? Why do you think they'd tell you if it was the truth? Would you be willing to risk destroying your dad's sense of family purely down to curiosity? If you're NC with them, then you're essentially setting off an emotional bomb among people you don't know and then walking away. Have you thought about the possibility that your aunt was coerced/raped and this could turn out to be even worse for everyone else than you're imagining. People are entitled to their secrets and it doesn't directly effect you - statistically, we all have ancestors who probably aren't really related to us.
My dad actually died when I was 15. It wouldn't change anything as I do not want to have any contact, I confided in my 'aunt' about something my dad had done to me when I stayed there one weekend and she called me a liar and this part of the reason for nc. This incident still effects me to this day and I would like to know what would make a women think that a child who told them something like that was lying and why she would side with her alcoholic brother over a vulnerable child. maybe it's the parent in me who can't see past this incident.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
They might have lied on the birth certificate though, put your grandparents down as the parents. I understand your wanting to know , I have recently found a family secret and it is really hard to get my head round. Do you think the incident with your dad and your aunt not believing you has affected you to the extent you hope having some answers might help?
You could look up his birth cert on ancestry.com or get a copy.
Aside from that there is nothing you can do. If you approach them after all this time making wild allegations then you won't get anywhere and could end up accused of harassment.
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