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To think every - little - thing you do in the presence of your children is now monitored and judged by the general public and the authorities?

(12 Posts)
Mammysboys Fri 03-Mar-17 23:35:14

Like vaping, drinking, how you interact, guidance/discipline, speaking, buying presents, how you spend your holidays, how you dress, how you entertain, how you educate and spend time, what you allow and disallow, if you work or sah, what car you drive, whether you own or rent, what your education is, who your life partner is, if you holiday/where you holiday, what your ambitions are, how your DCs dress, if you vote a certain way or have a particular belief or value system, if you do attachment parenting or are more authoritarian and so on and so forth?

Is it just human nature, a result of our modern day environment, is it because the world is becoming more insular or more global?

Are the thought police out in full force?

Am I paranoid and speaking nonsense or is there some truth in what I'm asking?

LilacSpatula Fri 03-Mar-17 23:37:03

There is definitely a truth here where no one finds out what's actually going on, they just judge from the outside. I generally intentionally avoid people like this.

LilacSpatula Fri 03-Mar-17 23:38:18

Strangely though i think the authorities are less interested unless you come to their attention. They just don't have the resources so we end up 'policing' each other.

Jazzywazzydodah Fri 03-Mar-17 23:43:59

I think defiantly yes for authorities.

Not sure about the general public, I think there has always been rude judge Lynn people that stick their noses in! wink

WildBelle Fri 03-Mar-17 23:46:14

I personally don't give a fuck what people think. I do have ASD though grin

All sounds a bit 1984, OP. Just carry on and do your thing, anyone who really matters to you won't care.

Mammysboys Fri 03-Mar-17 23:54:20

Even if they (the 'authorities') did come to your attention, what about all those who don't come to the attention of them?

Honestly, I work with kids and I can tell you, there are many parents who by all means seem great to the outside world (have money - provide materially - fit the mould) but when you get to know these kids, you realise you are a better parent, or indeed person, than you thought you were.

I find this hard to get around. Was life/society always this shallow?

People do judge. I guess that's always been a facet of human nature. Nowadays it seems to be the rule - written and unwritten - to monitor and to act on what the individual, or system, feels is inappropriate for societal norms.

Who is anyone to judge if a child is loved and feels loved?

It also seems that some aspects of parenting choices and reading (that could very well be deemed negative, if we look deeper into the psyche) seem to glossed over?

Mammysboys Fri 03-Mar-17 23:55:55

Rearing not reading

PuddleJumper01 Sat 04-Mar-17 00:00:22

after Victoria Climbie it was deemed essential that all the services share information. There's a VERY horrible slide that anyone who's done any form of safeguarding training will see, and it's all the agencies who had contact with this child (google it if you don't know what I'm talking about).

There were over 100, and several within the same agency (staff from more than one hospital, for example). NO ONE shared information, there wasn't a complete picture and so a vulnerable child died.

Since then the rules were changed and we now HAVE to share information.

It's not about kicking parents, and in most cases the professionals don't care. It's about protecting the weakest and most vulnerable so that what happened to Victoria doesn't happen again.

I gently suggest you would be U to facilitate what happened to her happening to another child.

Mammysboys Sat 04-Mar-17 00:07:36

Puddle I'm not speaking of Victoria Climbie.

I'm speaking of parents who provide materially but not emotionally, in a nutshell. Who outwardly and superficially appear awesome. Look up the stately homes threads

Ohyesiam Sat 04-Mar-17 00:11:58

I don't white get the drift of your post. How can the authorities monitor how you vote, or what presents you buy etc? if you put it ask on social media with no privacy control someone somewhere might take notice. But when I look at the authorities I see they have little enough funding to cover the basics of what they are supposed to do ( I'm thinking police force, NHS, education, social services, all struggling), so would have no resources to collect and correlate huge amounts of info.
The place where buy brother is watching is social media, and the net in general. Algorithms for all we buy and are interested in, and all for marketing purposes.

Mammysboys Sat 04-Mar-17 00:18:34

Let's not forget Daniel Pelka. Whose death occurred 12 years after Victoria. Whose mother had a 'spotless' , immaculately kept house. There was no information shared - 12 years later.

Even if a child does not die. What about the emotional scars? Oh, that's ok. Because mummy and daddy showered you with gifts, extra curricular activities and included you in society because they drove the best car and had the best house and hence taught you to grow thinking you are better than others because you have more.

People seem to gloss over this. It does happen. I feel sad for the material and facile society we live in.

HerBluebiro Sat 04-Mar-17 13:47:29

I am confused as to your point op.

Is it that material wealth can hide an abusive environment for children? Because yes it can.

Is it that once you come to the attention of 'the authorities' be that social services or school or medical staff, then it can feel as if your life is being scrutinised. Then yes it can. And this can feel unfair when one activity is highlighted as a problem, when in and of itself it wouldn't be enough to cause ssris to open a case. E.g. smoking in the same room as your child. We can all agree this isn't good for your child. But alone it wouldn't be a big enough problem to interest the average social worker. But if a child is already known as a child in need then smoking in the same room as a baby might be highlighted as an example of neglect.

But yes. That is normal too.

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