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AIBU?

I really dislike DD's "friend"

20 replies

ivechangedmyname123 · 27/02/2017 23:09

So DD is 10. She has this friend from school. I can't explain her in any other way than fake and two faced! (It's so hard for me as I generally like all kids)

So she's been round to ours tonight, been fed and played in DD's room for about two hours, just checking through phone and she's calling DD all kinds and saying she's not her mate anymore! As far as I'm aware there was no disagreement and DD seems totally oblivious to what she may have done!

This isn't the first time she's turned on DD, she is forever stealing her other friends and not allowing them to play with her! I told DD to play with someone else and when she does she gets called names for daring to play with others!

It's basically like this child is isolating her and she can't win either way!

I'm not really worried about DD as it seems to just roll off her, she doesn't seem worried but I've told her I don't want this kid anywhere near my house again and she got upset because "were friends now".

Urge I'm so angry!! This kid is basically screaming out for attention!! She gets lovely clothes and has the latest gadgets but her mum is so negative about her and has very little time for her! I've tried being nice and being a positive role model for her but it seems it all just gets thrown back in my face!

AIBU to ban her from my house? Has anyone ever disliked their child's friend? I feel so bad for feeling this way but she's modern day version of "little miss horrid"! What can I do?

OP posts:

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Haffiana · 27/02/2017 23:17

You can respect your daughter's choice of friend? And be there to give her a hug if it all goes tits up? That is a positive role model, I would have thought.

ivechangedmyname123 · 27/02/2017 23:19

I get what you're saying, but I'd rather not have her in my house because I can't easily forget the disgusting names that se calla my child. I am obviously supportive of DD and explained to her that I couldn't stand by and watch this child taking advantage of her. This only applies to my house they will still see each other in school.

OP posts:

DailyMailDontStealMyThread · 27/02/2017 23:20

Are you sure there is no SN/ADHD/ASD for her friend? You don't need to like her friends at the age of 10, just support her through learning behaviours and friendships.

heebiejeebie · 27/02/2017 23:25

I think it would be better to support your daughter in standing up to her rather than banning her. You don't want to drive them together out of the house (us against your mean mum) or give this girl a chance to manipulate your daughter into hiding things from you.

Beeziekn33ze · 27/02/2017 23:29

Can you angle it to DD that it's her friend's behaviour that you dislike, not the child herself? I wouldn't want her in my house either!

charlestonchaplin · 27/02/2017 23:37

I would discourage the friendship, including not having her in my house. Is teaching your children not to have negative influences around them no longer part of parenting? Teach your daughter that she is worth more than that, or it could be the basis of relationships with people, including boys and men that treat her badly.

MummaBear14 · 27/02/2017 23:43

I had a 'friend' like this in primary school. We even went to the same secondary school, and thankfully drifted apart when we were around 14/15. She controlled my life, by belittling me, calling me names and putting me down. She'd then be lovely so I'd think it was a one off, but it would all start up again, she knew exactly what she was doing. My mum disliked her, but never bad mouthed her to me. If she had I think I would have resented my mum at the time as I still saw this horrid girl as a friend. Maybe as she's still young, you could speak with the DDs other friends parents about meeting up. Maybe that will encourage her to form closer friendships with them, and drift from this girl who claims to be her friend. Sadly you may push your DD away if you try to prevent them from being friends

MiddleClassProblem · 27/02/2017 23:44

Are they likely to be going to different schools soon?

ChinChinCaroo · 27/02/2017 23:56

Is teaching your children not to have negative influences around them no longer part of parenting?

Good point.

My son had a friend I was a bit about around the same age. I also wasn't quite sure what to do, as they were quite close and family OK.

I think I made some remarks sometimes when I wasn't happy about something e.g. swearing on the Internet. My son also had his doubts at times. They had a row about 6 months ago and now only see each other occasionally. They are still 'friendly' when they meet but don't go out of their way to. They did go to separate schools though. I think my son finally started to realise his friend could be a bit of an ass, and I was quite proud of him that he finally took this step and mixed with others.

p.s. When this "friend" did something unnacceptable at my house I did speak to his parents. I think if it was worrying enough I would intervene more perhaps, and at the very least let my child know my thoughts on the matter ...

ivechangedmyname123 · 27/02/2017 23:56

Yes! Thankful!! I'm hopeful that my DD gets her place in a school that only two of her friends have applied for so they will be separated! Even if DD doesn't get her first choice, her fallback option is different to this friends, so no chance they'll end up together! Just need to keep my fingers crossed for tomorrow I guess!

OP posts:

ChinChinCaroo · 27/02/2017 23:57

They were almost inseperable for a couple of years.

MiddleClassProblem · 28/02/2017 00:04

ChinChinCaroo how do you know their family was OK?

ivechangedmyname123 · 28/02/2017 00:05

Thing is, nothing ever happens at the house, apart from using my bloody shampoos and body washes to make "mixtures" (which makes me angry but I used to do the same at that age- loved sciencey stuff).

It's when she gets home and starts texting her telling her she's obese and calling her other names. I've reported it to school and spoke to her Mum but this kid has never had to deal with any consequences, people seem to pussyfoot around her.

Definitely no SEN but she has "family issues" so people feel sorry for her.

OP posts:

ivechangedmyname123 · 28/02/2017 00:11

I meant to say there I feel sorry for her I mean she's just a child but she seems to get special treatment because of the situation at home and I think that just reinforces her behaviour.

OP posts:

MiddleClassProblem · 28/02/2017 00:19

If it's just the next 6 months or less then I would prob just support DD and ride it out but explain what bits you can about her behaviour to DD if possible to help her not take it all to heart. It's a difficult age though to understand it fully but close to it.

Remind her that at the new school she deserves friends who are just that.

Italiangreyhound · 28/02/2017 00:20

ivechangedmyname, sorry it is crap.

"Thing is, nothing ever happens at the house, apart from using my bloody shampoos and body washes to make "mixtures" (which makes me angry but I used to do the same at that age- loved sciencey stuff)."

Buy el cheapo stuff and put it in nice bottles.

"It's when she gets home and starts texting her telling her she's obese and calling her other names." This is quite harmful and I think you need to teach dd how to respond to these texts, maybe block her for a day, just get her to text back " Your texts are rude I am blocking you for a day, stop and apologuise and I will unblock tomorrow."

(Disclaimer I don't know how to bock people on my phone by I guess for me blocking would be deleting any nasty messages and not replying!)

Just teach your dd to stick up for herself.

"I've reported it to school and spoke to her Mum but this kid has never had to deal with any consequences, people seem to pussyfoot around her." So the school is shit and so is her mum, you can handle this.

"Definitely no SEN but she has "family issues" so people feel sorry for her."

Maybe her mean texts are a cry for help,I mean this.

I'd invite her over for tea, then join them for tea and 'chat'. I'd ask her why she is using these rude terms to my dd and what is going on at home, is she unhappy, why is she stiring and making problems, it's not nice.

Italiangreyhound · 28/02/2017 00:22

In fairness I'd run it past my dd first. I'd say if there are 'issues' then it would be kind to her 'friend' to give her a chance to explain. Luckily, my dd has always wanted me to get involved in issues, and so I have always spoken to the school if there were any issues etc/encouraged her to speak to friends and sort things out (she is very shy and so she has needed some support).

I think once the friend knows that her mean ways are known (to you) she might shape up.Or tell you what is going on at home that is causing this, which you could then report to the school.

I don't think I would ban the friend, unless it got worse.

I know this sounds way too invested, but I am!

I'm a helicopter mum, I guess!!

TheEdgeofSeventeen · 28/02/2017 00:27

block the girls number ?

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 28/02/2017 00:41

Of course YANBU in disliking the child. Youre probably rightly and understandably thinking. Hang on ive fed you and made you feel welcome and you turn on my daughter. Im not going to lie. Itd piss me off in a major fuckin way. However. That's kids for you. They're so fickle. One minute they love. Next minute they hate. You can't stop them being friends. Its nye on impossible..
I know its hard,;but. You do just have to leave them to it. .

Octuscactus · 28/02/2017 21:27

You can respect your daughter's choice of friend? And be there to give her a hug if it all goes tits up? That is a positive role model, I would have thought.

So your child judgement is better that yours (an adult I presume)? Gosh...

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