slightly overly nice work colleague....

[user1487365597]

I have started a new job and have been there 6 months. I love it. There is a main office, but there's not enough desks in there so there's a second side office with three desks. We are supposed to hot desk but most people get in before me and sit on the same desk each day.

I most often go in the main office but if it looks like the desks are taken I go in the smaller one. But, whenever I do, there is a guy I work with that immediately comes in and tells me there's a desk free and to go into the main office. If I say oh I like it in here as it's quieter he just says 'come in' we're (having cake/making tea/discussing so and so project).

Everyone has to take a turn to sit in there. He hates it in there but I like the quiet at times. If anyone else sits in there he doesn't even notice. It's only because I clearly come across as vulnerable in some way and in need of being in the main office and socialising 🙄

I'm guessing he thinks i will be lonely and wants to make me feel included. As I'm new he's making a special effort. He also pretends he needs to 'get away from his desk' in the main office when I'm sat in the smaller office and eats his lunch sat with me. If I'm in the main office too,he never needs to 'get away from his desk'. He just stays sat at his desk in the main office all day.

I started sitting in the little office for lunch and he started coming in to 'get away from his desk in the main office'.


I don't take this as him hitting on me or anything. He's made it very clear from the first day that he's dating someone. We just have friendly chats.

I'm presuming he's just trying to make me feel welcome which I really appreciate. But it's a bit annoying. I'm 31 and a very outgoing, confident , genuinely sociable woman who has already made several friends at work. I am chatty and bubbly at work not quiet and unsociable. I don't need to be made to feel welcome to this extent and feeling i should be left alone to sit in the smaller office if I want to. And if I'm sat there, not to have him come in specially to give me company. I'm not a baby.

I know he's trying to be nice. But it's annoying me. There's not exactly anything I can say. He's just being nice. But it's secretly annoying and I need to vent on here and be told I'm not being unreasonable. So, AIBU?

[redexpat]

That does sound annoying. Could you suddenly develop a love of audio books that you listen to at lunch with some big headphones?

As you say he does sound as if he is just trying to make you feel included. Have there been complaints of bullying before you arrive I wonder? Perhaps he really hates sitting in the smaller office so thinks therefore you do too.

[PageStillNotFound404]

YANBU. It's kind of him up to a point, but he needs to start reading your signals. Be firm when he tries to insist you move desks. Can you put headphones on at lunchtime? Is there anyone else in the office you could make a point of chatting to during breaks?

[rollonthesummer]

That sounds really annoying!! I think you need to have a 'stuck record' phrase that you keep saying to him.

[Lilaclily]

It sounds like he wants to be friends with you

Just be firm and say you're fine where you are

Why don't you go out for lunch ? Sounds hell staying in

[haveacupoftea]

Maybe he just likes your company

[user1487365597]

He's a lovely guy. Just trying to be friendly. But there's two other new work colleagues who have arrived since and he doesn't bother with them one bit so he obviously sees me as vulnerable in some way. 🙄

I think putting headphones in would be too rude and hurtful. Maybe I'm being too empathetic. I mean I do now just say I'm fine and staying in the little office but he still comes in for lunch if I'm in the little office.

[user1487365597]

He does like my company. And I like that. It's nice to find someone who enjoys your company. But he's going a bit OTT.

Or maybe I'm being a bit grumpy!

[Bahh]

I don't understand when he says come in a second time, you can't say no thank you a second time. Smile and turn back to your computer or pick up your phone to make a call. Make it clear you are perfectly capable of making your own decisions on where you sit.

[user1487365597]

I know. It's easier said than done though as I'm new and don't want to be offending anyone

[PageStillNotFound404]

You're not new-new though, are you? Six months would make you part of the furniture here, especially as two other newbies have joined you afterwards.

There's nothing wrong with chatting with him occasionally - you don't have to put headphones on five days a week. But you can make it a little bit more of your choosing, rather than his. Saying "don't mind me, just going to listen to a bit more of my book" isn't offensive - it's not as though you're planning to smash him in the face with a chair while screaming "LEAVE ME ALONE, MOTHERFUCKER!"

Ultimately you go to work to work, and nobody should be offended if you don't want to blur the lines between friendship and professionalism.

[happypoobum]

Are you sure he doesn't fancy you?

[Sprinklestar]

Sorry but I think this is creepy!

[1AnnoyingOrange]

YANBU
?go in earlier?
I am such a chicken. I tried writing lots of firm but kind things to say but I know I'd not say them!

[TheSnowFairy]

Is he your mentor?

[DameDeDoubtance]

So annoying. It's not your job to be nice and it's unfair that he is invading your space.

[user1487365597]

No he's younger than me and Newly qualified 😂

I don't think he has any romantic interest in me. He makes sure to mention his girlfriend in my presence and also when they were on a break he asked someone at work on a date and we had a chat about how it went. We talk about guys and girls we like so he is definitely not interested in that way and it's not that kind of friendship that is leading up to anything romantic.

I do get the feeling he stalks my Facebook though. He accidentally liked a pic from 2009.

I don't know if it's fair to say it's creepy. He's just overly friendly!

[user1487365597]

I'm so unassertive in some ways and others I'm incredibly assertive.

This not being one of those times. I do keep thinking of things to say but always feel bad. He doesn't always talk to me at lunch, just sits in the same office as me. Body facing me but not actually talking.

[Nomorechickens]

The Facebook thing is creepy. Check your security settings. Maybe post personal stuff to 'friends except acquaintances' and make him an acquaintance

[user1487365597]

I don't have him as a friend. It was a public profile pic from 2009.
I noticed and saw it was him.

[Bahh]

"No offence but I'm really snowed under here, need to get the headphones in and crack on, barely have time to stop today!" Etc.

[Woollymammoth63]

Well, do you like him or not - is he good company? If not, just try to reduce the time you are on your own together

[redexpat]

Have you read nice girls dont get the corner office? Might help with assertiveness.

[user1487365597]

I don't actually want to stop him. It's not THAT much of an issue. Just mildly irritating. I just wondered if I was being really mean and unreasonable.

[FelicityGubbins]

Maybe because you are a bubbly and confident person he likes being around you because he isn't? It's possible that when you are in the smaller office he is ignored in the main office and he feels lonely/ostracised without you..

[AllaboutsheZ]

Maybe he is lonely? If you are sociable and approachable, then he may think you'd be a great person to be friends with. I'm sure he is just being friendly, and enjoys your company. You don't need to be rude, just say 'I'm working through my lunch today', 'I'm just going to make a phone call to a friend', 'I'm just going to listen to a bit of music'. I think it would be nice to make time for him at lunch a couple of times a week, he seems nice and I'm sure he'd appreciate the company. I get what you mean though, I appreciate having peace and quiet on my lunch break and it is really annoying when people disturb that.