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Feel like an idiot at work

(14 Posts)
Simonely11 Fri 17-Feb-17 17:38:30

Been in my current job a good few years now, there are people I've worked with for years who id say I've got decent relationships with and there also new people who I get along with but I'm not mega close with. As a whole we have a really good team and I enjoy my job.

I'm pregnant and don't work full time anymore. Anyway today one of the girls i work with said that she didn't include me in an email about a weekend away for her 30th birthday as it was 2 months after my baby was due and didn't think I would be interested. Before I had chance to ask what her plans were etc for this weekend, all the girls in the office started talking excitedly about this weekend away and about what they've got in stall for her (some surprise), how it's gonna be a great weekend etc. It then transpired they've all got a group on chat about this weekend away where they're all planning stuff etc. I'm not included in this chat and no one has mentioned anything to me about this weekend, although this all came about a week ago. So it's been kept fairly quiet. So I am the only woman in the department who hadn't been involved in any of this.

After the conversation ended I said to 2 of the girls on my side of the office in a joking sort of way, thanks for giving me the heads up on this! I kind of laughed it off etc. These girls I occasionally meet outside of work and stuff and we text regularly outside of work and I thought we were close so I was really surprised that 1.they didn't care to suggest I was included in the chat group and 2. that they didn't even just mention it to me. I felt a little embarrassed and that's the best way to describe it I think. If it were me I wouldn't really like the thought of 1 person in the office not being included in something and I'd perhaps suggest that they were or ask if they should be etc. But no one mentioned it. No one even spoke about it afterwards or filled me in on the plans etc. I honestly feel like an idiot and a little bit down. Aibu?

WheresTheEvidence Fri 17-Feb-17 17:41:20


You won't want to go to a weekend m away when dc is 8 weeks if not 4 weeks if you go late. So you weren't invited ame as you won't be going you don't need to be on the chat. You say you whatsapp the other girls - is that everyone or just a select few...

Simonely11 Fri 17-Feb-17 17:45:07

Only a few of us text and it isn't via chat. I just would have liked the invite, instead of finding out through a bunch of women chatting excitedly about it and me being like, huh?! Lol.

Derlei Fri 17-Feb-17 17:49:16

Yanbu - it is nice to be asked even if the answer is likely to be no. Are you more sensitive about it because you're feeling nervous about being forgotten while you're on maternity leave?

Simonely11 Fri 17-Feb-17 17:56:04

I'm fully expecting to be forgotten on maternity leave grin Not so keen on the idea but I don't fancy badgering the life out of my work colleagues just to ensure I'm included in stuff. Just feel a little bit down about it.

DrRichardKimble Fri 17-Feb-17 18:00:39

YABU for feeling embarrassed, I'm sure that wasn't anyone's intention. I'm assuming the others knew you wouldn't be able to go and that's why you weren't told about it. I can see why you'd feel a bit left out though. For me, I'd be more annoyed that I COULDN'T go as it sounds like fun but I wouldn't be blaming that on anyone.

I think you're being slightly unreasonable, you wouldn't have gone anyway (or would you?!) So I don't understand that you wanted an invite anyway - just to turn it down. Saying that, I would probably be a bit put out but it would be more because I KNEW I couldn't go and it sounds like fun. I definitely wouldn't fe

DrRichardKimble Fri 17-Feb-17 18:01:45

Good God my message is up the left! Someone slap me.

DrRichardKimble Fri 17-Feb-17 18:02:17

Congrats on the baby though! flowers

Janey50 Fri 17-Feb-17 18:12:44

I don't think you ABU. It is good manners and common kindness to ask. I just love people who don't include you in an invitation for something,then when challenged,come out with a remark like 'I didn't think you would be interested' or something similar. I had this with my DM. She,and my brother and his girlfriend had been out with my DD and myself for several meals over the course of a year. Quite by accident (I can't remember how) I found out that DM,brother and gf had gone out for a meal the previous Saturday evening,but hadn't thought to invite DD and I. When I said to DM that it would have been nice to have been invited,she started blustering and said 'Oh you wouldn't have been able to afford it anyway!' Well thanks for that mum. I'll be the judge of my finances if you don't mind.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow Fri 17-Feb-17 18:15:49

I get you OP. I was once the only person on my team not to be invited to someone's wedding. She didn't think I'd be able to get a babysitter apparently - my babies were about six months old.

I was really upset. The fact that I didn't know everyone was invited until the day before the wedding shows that they all must have known I wasn't invited and kept it secret. That stung.

I don't think they're wrong to think you won't want to go, but it's nice to be asked anyway.

Gizlotsmum Fri 17-Feb-17 18:18:51

I guess they were trying to be sensitive. How hard would it be to be involved in all the planning conversations and not be able to go. Just really unfortunate timing. Could you maybe say that although you can't go you would like to be involved in the planning?

EveOnline2016 Fri 17-Feb-17 18:24:44

YANBU, it like they are micro managing you.

Who is to say you wouldn't have gone.

BonnyScotland Fri 17-Feb-17 19:07:32

whether you were able to go or not is besides the point... they made the decision for you without asking.. it's kinda rude...

Simonely11 Fri 17-Feb-17 21:57:52

That's what I think, rude and sneaky that all the planning etc has gone into it without a peep infront of me. smile

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