To call this football coach out, or ignore

[bookeatingboy]

I've written about this issue before but thought it had all gone away.

DS 9 plays for a local football team, 3 of his classmates play for another team in their league. These two team are always in the top three and there is some rivalry, but our manager remains respectful on match day, win or lose, (can't say the same for theirs though).

DS had some issues with these three boys excluding him at school, (had all previously been mates) amongst other things. Things came to a head when all three were very nasty to him and head got involved. DS now avoids these boys at school. Just for the record he is a very placid boy, very mature for his age and will walk away rather than get involved in conflict.

We played them last week and ds scored the winning goal, he's just come back from cub camp and said that one of the other boys from the other team told him that their manager said the following to him, "he didn't know how ds scored the goal because ds was a rubbish footballer"!

I get banter, I really do, but this constant drip drip towards ds is going to ruin his enjoyment of the game and frankly this manager should know better (if he said it).

WIBU to speak with the other manager and ask him directly what was said?

[bumsexatthebingo]

I would suspect that the manager didn't say it and that the boy from the other team was saying it to be nasty. I wouldn't question the manager based on hearsay from boys who you are aware are not very nice to your ds. What does your ds think? If it's upset him you could maybe ask the manager to reassure him that it's not true but I wouldn't question whether he said it.

[BoneyBackJefferson]

talk to the league organisers about their rules on sportsmanship. Then talk to the manager of the other team with the rules in hand about how his players should be conducting themselves off the pitch.

Also talk to the school if it is happening during school hours as its bullying and they should be having a word with the boys and the manager.

[bookeatingboy]

Yes, ds is upset and frankly the constant "banter" from these boys are beginning to dent his confidence which is really annoying me.

[Allthebestnamesareused]

I doubt the manager said it. The boys are just saying that as a way to get at your son.

Under the FA Respect Guidelines you should not be approaching the other team's manager anyway.

If you believe he really said it perhaps tell your son's manager. He will probably not raise it and just tell your son they're jealous because we won or similar.

The issue isn't really to do with the football anymore but the way the boys at school and cubs are treating him.

[BoneyBackJefferson]

Allthebestnamesareused

Of course its to do with football.

And the coach/manger has a job which is to prevent this from happening, if he is unable to prevent this abuse he should be removed from his position.

[bookeatingboy]

Regardless of who is to blame, and I agree that it is this manager (he does have a reputation, and not a good one) do you at least agree that this constant negative behaviour towards ds is unacceptable.

When I posted before quite a few posters said it was just banter (that word again) and part of growing up and it was my responsibility to show ds how to deal with these , and he uses their negative words to spur him on... I have been doing this BTW but it's not that he can't stand up for himself, he just doesn't do conflict and would rather walk away.

But my issue is why should he have to keep walking away, I'll speak with CT when they go back next week.

[Yabbadabbo2]

Sounds all wrong as their are no league tables at under 9 and 10? So how are they in the top 3? Sounds like the league and clubs are a joke and that is the crux of the problem for all

[bookeatingboy]

Yab no league table but there are cup matches throughout the year (as allowed) and these three teams are always in the running for the cup final at end of season.

Our league is run very well, and our coach is fab, as are the majority in our league. However there are one or two coaches that don't give (or receive) much respect as they aren't very nice men TBF.

Not relevant to ds's situation but just needed to clarify for you.

Think I probably posted in the wrong section as my concern is clearly not juicy enough to warrant replies or advice

[PebbleInTheMoonlight]

@bookeatingboy I'd speak with your coach.

This must be against the league rules, ours are really strict on acceptable behaviour and that everything U11 should be a positive experience win, lose or draw.

We had a fine one week in our league for cheering too loudly for our team (all positive cheers, nothing derogatory or nasty just "Come on Pebbles daughter's team" type things). Apparently it made the other team uncomfortable and we were asked told to be more genteel in our encouragement.

Name the coach and the players who are constantly needling your son. It's a poor reflection of the opposing team and the league itself. Make it clear you are happy to contact the league secretary but would like to give him the opportunity to see if he can find a resolution first.

Banter doesn't feel like bullying, it feels like a bit of fun that goes two ways. This certainly doesn't sound like fun or that it's ever returned.