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To think some people enjoy pointing out what other people have done wrong

(23 Posts)
ShastaBeast Wed 08-Feb-17 10:39:02

I'll start with the caveat that I absolutely hate being told off, like most people I guess. I'm very competent and aware but also anxious and have invisible mobility/pain issues - I can't always do things easily that people would expect me to so I pick my battles.

I've recently had strangers on five separate occasions point out something I've been doing 'wrong'. Two of them I knew about and had 'risk assessed' them as not a problem, one was because of my disability and the other two were nothing to do with me. I've had lots of other similar experiences. I got the impression the people pointing out these things enjoyed doing it. I'd never have pointed out the same things to other people, in fact I'd not have noticed or considered them a problem/assumed it was them. It's great when people are helpful - I've dropped something or my bag has opened itself, I've done this too, even getting the kids to pick up things and run after people as I can't - but this isn't the same.

Rugbyplayersarehot Wed 08-Feb-17 10:40:35

People can be wankers

BastardBernie Wed 08-Feb-17 10:43:40

Some people (more than you think) literally smirk with glee when pointing another persons mistake out; I love a bit of constructive criticism but the happiness a lot of people experience when you cock up is truly truly sad.

paxillin Wed 08-Feb-17 11:39:39

MN would be reduced to Baby Names and Home and Garden if people didn't enjoy pointing out what other people have done wrong.

TwitterQueen1 Wed 08-Feb-17 11:46:36

What are these things you're doing 'wrong' that people are pointing out OP?

Difficult to comment without knowing more.

sonjadog Wed 08-Feb-17 11:48:57

Depends who is pointing stuff out to you and what the situation is.

BarbarianMum Wed 08-Feb-17 11:49:28

You talk about having "risk assessed" some of these things, does that mean they are potentially dangerous or injurous? Because if so, I can see why people point them out.

boolifooli Wed 08-Feb-17 11:51:11

Can think of someone who is this and more. They know how to do everything the right way and never put a foot wrong.

GeekLove Wed 08-Feb-17 13:08:41

A bit like Alan Partridge - he will always point out others shortcomings but reacts furiously when his are called into question.

MrsTarzan1 Wed 08-Feb-17 13:10:15

Definitely! My colleague is like this. When she does something wrong she always finds someone else to blame but she is so quick to have a go at other people!

BadKnee Wed 08-Feb-17 13:10:41

paxillin - grin

ShastaBeast Wed 08-Feb-17 13:45:01

The above include leaving behind rubbish or having something in my pocket which apparently 'is going to fall out' but is attached to a larger item so I knew wasn't 'going to fall out' after 'risk assessing' it myself as an adult who understands the general laws of physics. In the past it's been the kids not being covered enough, my 'risk assessment' being rain and cold aren't going to harm children during a ten minute walk. Or the kid is too hot when they're having a tantrum after a cold apple juice in a beer garden.

ShastaBeast Wed 08-Feb-17 13:49:42

The rubbish wasn't mine but I'd never assume it was someone else's unless I saw them put it there.

WindwardCircle Wed 08-Feb-17 13:55:59

After reading your first post I was trying to think whether I tell people they've done something wrong, and I came to the conclusion that I do it when not pointing the mistake out would adversely affect them. So the thing sticking out of the pocket I would comment on, because I wouldn't know it was attached to something else and I wouldn't want the person I was talking to to lose it, and I'd hope someone would do the same for me. To me that's common courtesy not telling someone off.

BusterGonad Wed 08-Feb-17 14:02:05

Out of those two things you've mentioned I think you YABU, how was the person mentioning the rubbish suppose to know it wasn't yours? Maybe they were wrong to imply it was but I think they thought they were doing a good deed, and the thing hanging out of your pocket obviously looked like it was falling out.

ShastaBeast Wed 08-Feb-17 14:28:33

It was the way it was said, almost gleeful and not polite. If I saw similar and was worried I'd say 'it looks like it may fall out' not 'you're gonna lose that...' as if she knew for sure when she couldn't possibly. I wouldn't have minded a polite approach. Although I'd never say something, or notice, but would pick up an item (or get kids to) for someone and hand it to them. The rubbish was on gym machine and had been there a while, I used the machine for a couple of minutes, I had my own waterbottle and the guy was clearly peed off and had to back down when he saw this. It's like everyone is ready to point out problems when I'm actually a responsible adult who would like to be given the benefit of the doubt. I must give off stupid and selfish vibes inadvertently sob. I'd never assume others had left rubbish unless I was sure, it's lazy thinking to jump to that conclusion so I didn't accuse the person before me. I hate people leaving rubbish in places, it is rude and I can understand why people are annoyed.

Sirzy Wed 08-Feb-17 14:32:57

So he saw you walking away from a machine and the rubbish was there - not a tough conclusion for him to come to then and I think you are being unreasonable. TBH in that situation I would have taken the rubbish with me and chucked it in bin anyway rather than having left it behind with a "nowt to do with me" attitude.

misshelena Wed 08-Feb-17 14:46:08

YABVVU in both cases. It is very thougthful for someone to point out that something looks about to fall out of your pockets. OK, so you are genius at physics, maybe the person who pointed it out isn't as smart as you. The guy who told you about the rubbish had a great point. You should have taken the rubbish with you when you got off the machine! It's common courtesy. Just because the person who left it there was an ass doesn't mean that you have to be one too!

Also, if we all were to keep our mouths shut unless we were 100% sure that something wrong is going on, none of us would ever report a potential child abuse situation or a suspicious looking bag on the subway. In the NYC subway, we are constantly reminded to "See something, say something".

Also, there was no need for you to mention your "disability". It has zero impact on my judgment of the pp who pointed those things out to you.

WaitrosePigeon Wed 08-Feb-17 15:08:04

Because they are busy bodies. I know someone a cunt like this.

FannyFacial Wed 08-Feb-17 15:30:25

YABU. Give people a break.

MorrisZapp Wed 08-Feb-17 15:33:20

I've met people like you. 'Fuck off trying to help me' types. Ok, live in a world where nobody notices or helps anyone.

sonjadog Wed 08-Feb-17 18:02:13

Ok, judging from these two examples, then YABU. People aren´t mind readers.

ReginaGeorgeinSheepsClothing Wed 08-Feb-17 18:10:08

Did all these happen at once? It sounds like you're a bit frustrated in general! The terminology of 'risk assessment' in relation to something hanging out of your pocket and rain is a bit dramatic sorry!

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