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AIBU?

DP's recent behaviour - AIBU?

112 replies

EvaDescendingTheStair · 07/02/2017 14:36

Hello MN,

Lurker of several months, first time poster. I will try to keep this has brief as possible without drip feeding.

I've seen enough to know that I may be flamed but here goes...

I have been with my DP for over 7 years. We are both 29 and have lived together for 6 years, no children, one splendid furry emperor cat.

Our relationship has had its ups and downs but until about 4 years ago was generally pretty strong, all the couples we know envied our situation. Sadly I can't see anybody envying some of the scenes guests have witnessed at our house in recent months.

I have been signed off work with stress, depression and anxiety since September 2016 and spent a period in a mental health hospital last year. I am a recovering alcoholic and have not drunk since the 4th of November 2016.

When I first returned from hospital, my DP was lovely - he had cleared the house of alcohol, took two days off work to stay with me, offered to help out around the house (I generally wait on him hand and foot and he doesn't have to lift a finger) and was generally lovely particularly given my peculiar behaviour due to increased medication. This lasted about 10 days. Since then he has had his friends round here drinking with increasing frequency and has reverted to doing nothing, asking me for everything. He talks at me about things while I'm clearly doing something else (usually for him) then accuses me of rudeness and not paying attention because I'm not looking directly at him. Everything I do is either met with indifference (he generally forgets to utilise please and thank you) or picked to shreds.

I've realised over the last few days that I don't want to be around him, the stress makes me feel ill and I've been sick several times in recent weeks, usually when discussing or thinking about him come to think of it but it could just be coincidence.

The worst of it is, I have been subject to pretty unpleasant texts, phone calls and behaviour from him recently.

Mid January he came home from work around 5pm and found me asleep in bed (I have been sleeping a lot both at night and during the day since being on quite a high dosage of anti depressants but this is interspersed with extensive periods of being awake every few days - I'm talking 50 hours +, really need to sort out my sleep routine), he shouted at me to get up and sort out the kitchen (I hadn't eaten the night before, that morning or during the day so all washing up bar a couple of mugs and spoons had been generated by his eating, petty but true) and pulled the duvet off me. He then poured a whole pint of cold water over me as I lay in bed curled up in a ball (it was sitting by the bed as I'd refilled it about an hour beforehand to drink then fallen asleep). He then shouted some more and went away. The frostiness waned throughout the evening and I even ended up giving him sex that night (it's just not worth the hassle if I don't, he'll get his way sooner or later). By 'giving him sex' I mean having sex and acting a bit like a porn star purely for his benefit, I don't fancy him at the moment despite him being an extremely fine 6' 6" specimen, I'm sick of him.

On the 19th of January he came home from work and again I was sleeping. He shouted at me and pulled the duvet off, again I was lying on my side in a ball. He put his torso near my knees and was being a dick so naturally I assumed he was about to do something unpleasant and extended my arm to near my knees. He moved his face into my hand at the same time and claims I intentionally lashed out at his face. I was barely conscious as had been woken from a deep sleep by a shouting twat and in no way did I intentionally hit him. In return he landed two hard vertical punches on my side, one on my hip and one on the side of my stomach. Hard enough to hurt significantly and I have a pretty high pain threshold. I received the following text message later in the evening:

"You're a c*nt I can't believe you have the cheek to A. strike out at my face while I'm attempting to wake you and B. rot in bed all morning, afternoon an (it cuts off here because my phone's a dinosaur but the gist is clear)."

On the 1st of Feb I pressed a button on my phone that blocks his calls (childish, I know, and now I can't turn it off - have been economic with the truth and claimed I've done something to calls and don't know how to change it back, partially true) and received the following texts:

"YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE AIRING THE HOUSE OUT NOT FUCKING SLEEPING. GET OUT OF BED AND SORT THE HOUSE OUT INC WASHING THE BED LINEN. NOW. "

"IF YOU ARE STILL ASLEEP WHEN I GET BACK FROM WORK I AM GOING TO FLIP MY LID BIG TIME YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED."

Incidentally, I wasn't in bed at the time.

AIBU in thinking this is not a normal healthy relationship?

I feel he is holding me back with regards to mental health at the moment and would really like to ask him to stay somewhere else for a few weeks so we can both have some space but have a feeling he'll react badly to this suggestion. I fled a house from my previous partner though so am reluctant to be the one to stay elsewhere plus there is no way I am being parted from my cat and he loves living in our house, outside at the back is perfect for him (trees and bushes all the way down a big hill, rich in tasty rodents to disembowel and crunch up on my floor) and we're on a fairly quiet road. I can't just pick him up and drop him anywhere, my DM is desperate for him to 'stay' (she means end up living with) her, which I just can't allow, she's not having him. I can afford the rent and bills on this place on my own as long as I'm careful with money (I seem to have oodles now it's not disappearing on 3 bottles of wine a day though!) My DP's parents and at least one of his cousins have the space to put him up and he and his cousin are like brothers.

Any advice on The Crunch Talk?

Thank you xXx

Sorry for essay, argh

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DementedUnicorn · 07/02/2017 14:38

Don't talk. Leave