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Is my dad's gf being unreasonable.

(20 Posts)
malificent7 Mon 30-Jan-17 10:34:49

My dd and my dad's girl friend's granddaughter are about the same age. They are very close but they don't always get on. I am good mates with the other girls mum.

My child simetimes gets overwhelmed by the other girl and will refuse to play with her. My dad's gf and the mum take this VERY personally and make lots of snide comments about how mean dd is for not wanting to play. Often within earshot.

I am of the opinion that if they dont want to play then chuck them bith a colouring book or something and let them have time on their own untill they are ready to play. No biggie.

Dad's gf thi ks we should force them to play and thinks that my dd is playing up if she dosnt want to play.

Aibu to think that the gf is being hysterical and ti be annoyed with my dad for not sticking up for dd more. His iwn flesh and blood. He seems to be going along with with this enforced play time just for a quiet life. Poor man!

malificent7 Mon 30-Jan-17 10:37:31

I also suspect that they want enforced playtime as the other girl kicks off if dd want play... tantrums etc. I really do think that teaching kids to do their own thing and to respect the space of others is very important.

DearMrDilkington Mon 30-Jan-17 10:37:39

How old is your dd?

malificent7 Mon 30-Jan-17 10:38:04

Sorry... if dd dosnt want to play.

BlackeyedSusan Mon 30-Jan-17 10:40:05

should not force them to play. bad precedent.

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers Mon 30-Jan-17 10:40:53

What age? I hated my mum's friends daughter and we were forced to play together aged 3-7. Aged 4 I cut her pony tail off. She smashed eggs into my hair. Mum never listened to me about how we hated each other, so it always ended in bust ups.

WhereYouLeftIt Mon 30-Jan-17 10:41:23

I'd be pulling them up on this, especially the snide comments within earshot. I'd tell them that you're teaching her that she can say no and that you refuse to raise a daughter who will be vulnerable to manipulation by others. And to get a bloody grip. As for your dad - tell him you don't appreciate his spinelessness.

Allthebestnamesareused Mon 30-Jan-17 10:43:12

I assume they are very young if you are talking about using colouring books as a distraction. At that age you can't force it.

However when they are a bit older you can explain to a child that for the sake of keeping the peace and being polite to people you should try to get along and play together as it is for just a short time.

Bluntness100 Mon 30-Jan-17 10:44:09

Well I don't think you should be shoving uour father in the middle of this and I think you're all being very immature. Just speak to them and say sometimes uour daughter doesn't want to play, it's the way she is, she's the same with other kids and you need to give her time to come round. It really shouldn't be something adults argue about.

malificent7 Mon 30-Jan-17 10:47:55

They are 8. I have asked dd to pkag for the sake of the peace but she feels bullied. I have pulled themnup on this.
The mum made comments about how dd was refusing to play the day before. It was not true as i was there.

Dad's gf said that her dd wouldnt lie and things got heated. It is immature i rekon. I dont care so much if it was a lie or not.... it is the saying things infront of dd

HouseworkIsASin10 Mon 30-Jan-17 10:53:50

Stay away from them. You can't force the kids to be friends, just don't see them as much. Your dad's favouring his gf's grandaughter so tough on him if he doesn't see as much of his own grandaughter.

malificent7 Mon 30-Jan-17 10:58:23

We do stay away as much as poss. Its sad as me and this mum are good mates. I just dont think she's doing the girls any favours.

WhereYouLeftIt Mon 30-Jan-17 10:59:18

"However when they are a bit older you can explain to a child that for the sake of keeping the peace and being polite to people you should try to get along and play together as it is for just a short time."

I would seriously advise against that. Being taught to suppress their own preferences so as to not hurt other people's feelings - that is how young women find themselves in vulnerable situations, because they didn't tell the young man to bugger off and stop pestering them because that wouldn't have been polite. It's important we don't condition girls in this way, it really is.

malificent7 Mon 30-Jan-17 11:02:03

I agrre Whereyouleft... the other girl can be overbearing and tge adults are teaching her that its ok to strop if she dosnt get ger own way.

malificent7 Mon 30-Jan-17 11:02:40

Typos.. agggrrr!

RagamuffinAndFidget Mon 30-Jan-17 11:03:23

I agree Where - we need to start teaching children that saying no is OK, especially young girls but boys too.

OP just tell your Dad's GF to back off and leave your DD alone. Say that she'll play if she wants to but if she wants a bit of peace and quiet then that's fine too.

JanuaryMoods Mon 30-Jan-17 11:18:38

Your Dad should be looking out for his GD not the other girl. Keep them apart if he won't look out for her and tell him why.

WorraLiberty Mon 30-Jan-17 11:27:52

This depends I think.

I completely agree that kids shouldn't be forced to play together.

But having said that, I've witnessed a few kids (who because they know their refusal to play has 'become a thing' amongst the parents, and they know their Mum has taken their side), sometimes refuse to play just to wind the other child up.

With the 2 kids I'm thinking of in particular, it was almost like a control issue. You could see them side glancing their Mums and sometimes smirking.

If you're sure there's nothing like that going on, then YANBU to suggest they just play separately.

doctorboo Mon 30-Jan-17 11:38:21

I'd keep repeating that your DD doesn't want to play with her DD at that moment in time and when the other girl starts having a paddy to point out that isn't particularly nice behaviour and to give it a rest?

My eldest DS is 5 and that's what his teacher and the TA's go with (he was being forced to play by a boy who wasn't/isn't particularly kind and has form for kicking off when told "no"). I think it's helping - although I am having the deal with the mum separately as she thinks he does no wrong what a joke

BeingEB Mon 30-Jan-17 12:29:14

I'm not sure I'm understanding any of this, if your child (any child) is happily entertaining herself and does not want to interact with another child at that moment - why is this a problem? I can only assume the adults are placing the onus of entertaining the gf gd on your child because they don't want to be pestered themselves and can't be bothered to teach her to make her own entertainment.
Worra Passive-aggressive non-playing? The children who don't want to play don't have a control issue - they simply don't want to play. And if it's a 'thing' among other parents who think others' children need to be made to play with their kids, those parents are the ones with the control issue.

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