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to bloody hate long phone calls

(11 Posts)
lemondropcake Wed 25-Jan-17 18:46:54

I have a lovely friend who lives far away from me but she insists on long phone calls every other day. She always calls when I am busy and I feel terrible for ignoring her calls sometimes but I just don't have the time to sit and natter for half an hour at a time.
She always calls when I'm at work, I work five days a week and when I'm not working I'm always doing something like the school run, kids swim and gymnastics clubs, cooking, cleaning or shopping. When I actually get time to sit down I either want some peace to myself or spend time with dp as he is in from work at 7.30pm so not a lot of time together.
I also hate when dp is in ear shot of the conversation because she's always talking about guy trouble or some girly problem and I feel uncomfortable having a really good agony aunt style conversation while he is about.

I much prefer texting or Facebook messaging as I can reply when I have time or sit and relax whilst having a Facebook conversation. I have tried texting her a couple of times when I have missed her calls in hope she would get the hint that I prefer to text but she still rings.
I don't want to be rude and tell her to stop calling me all the time but I feel just as bad when I ignore the call because I'm busy.

I suppose Iabu but I just wondered if anyone feels the same way about phone calls?
I used to sit for ages on the phone to friends, even if I had saw them that day when I was younger, but working full time and having kids and everything to go with it, I just don't have the time anymore.

SomewhereNow Wed 25-Jan-17 18:50:23

Tell me about it, I'm gearing up for my weekly hour long chat with DM confused. She insists and would be devastated if I didn't call but sometimes it's bloody inconvenient!

TaliZorahVasNormandy Wed 25-Jan-17 18:59:20

I had a friend who seemed to always want my time when no one else was around. She'd always expect me to be on skype, whenever I wasnt, she'd call and tell me to go on skype. This was every bloody day. Then I got myself a hobby and she didnt like that all, because I spent time off skype.

We arent friends anymore because I was used as boredom relief, when her other friends were about, she didnt wanna know.

lemondropcake Wed 25-Jan-17 19:04:50

I think it's an age thing. Older generation like to sit and talk whilst younger generation like to use technology. My friend is still young mind you and doesn't have children yet but I think it's loneliness with her. She lives alone but when she visits parents for a few days, she doesn't call, so I think when she has company she doesn't bother. I have a full house though so I think it's more inconvienent for me to sit on the phone.

frazzlebedazzle Wed 25-Jan-17 19:11:58

I think some people are just talkers aren't they, and don't get that other people aren't... I am definitely a texter, personally I would be horrified if any one person was calling me every other night!

user1474439326 Wed 25-Jan-17 19:14:47

I totally get this and I think people don't understand that you don't have a spare hour! I text my friends and book calls in if we have missed each other's calls.
Like sorry love can't talk in with my parents I'll call you tomorrow morn if you're free etc

lemondropcake Wed 25-Jan-17 19:17:31

I think the worst part is when I ask her questions via text she responds with call you later. I can't have a friendship without the phone calls because she doesn't sit and have a text conversation. Which means if I have missed her calls and forget to ring back, we don't actually communicate.

user1474439326 Wed 25-Jan-17 19:32:15

I'd reply and be like won't have time to chat later I'm xxxxx can you do weds eve? Or whatever is suitable for you

BadKnee Wed 25-Jan-17 21:21:39

I used to love long calls. I'd curl up with wine or tea and chat and laugh. Once I had kids it was difficult as they were always there. I never had the time or the privacy and I got out of the habit.

It is a generational thing though to some extent I agree

melj1213 Wed 25-Jan-17 22:53:51

Can you gently explain to her that you love chatting with her but feel terrible because your schedule is so full that you can't really give her the time to chat too often?

Perhaps you can set up a couple of nights a week where you have a regular long chat and then restrict any intervening conversations to Messenger/text? That way, if it's regularly scheduled then you both can agree a time to suit yourselves and you don't have to feel stressed out about the constant calls, and if she calls outsideof your scheduled time, you don't have to feel bad about ignoring the call at 4pm Thursday as you will definitely speak to her at 9pm on Friday anyway

Oblomov17 Wed 25-Jan-17 22:58:14

I love long phone calls. I only get off after 60 minutes because it costs. I also use : text, WhatsApp, messenger and email my 2 closest friends aswell.

Maybe you aren't actually really good friends?

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