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Aibu or os DH

(22 Posts)
Justcurious000 Tue 24-Jan-17 16:22:29

DH does work long hours, I work but part time hours and look after our dd when not working. Every day he gets in from work which is usually 6:30, he walks into the lounge where me and DD are and doesn't say hello to me but just talks in baby voice to DD. I don't even get eye contact. I say hiya and I'll get an 'alright babe' if I'm lucky, but if he does say alright he won't look at me and say it, there's just no contact or communication towards me. I totally get he wants to see dd before she goes to bed, but is it too much to expect him to acknowledge me when he gets home? I look forward to him coming home on my days off and every time he does I wonder why I looked forward to it.

He does this in the morning too before he goes to work, on the days he goes in late which is 2 days a week. Well have half an hour in bed with dd who is wide awake and singing, chatting to us both. If I ask him a question such as 'are you going to the gym tonight?' He will totally ignore me and instead start talking to dd in this baby ga ga voice. I'll ask him again and he'll answer but it's a delayed response, never looks up and actually looks at me when he's talking. This is just ONE example and it happens all the time. I'm constantly repeating myself and asking stuff twice three times, or I give up and just get ignored.

We had a massive argument last night because he did the same yesterday morning and night. We wake up he brings dd in bed with us, he's talking to her playing etc which is lovely as I know he doesn't see as much of her as I do. But I ask him a question, are you working late tonight? Totally ignored. So I asked him again while he wasn't talking or playing, he paused for a few seconds and then proceeded to sing wind the bobbin up to our dd. I'm getting so fucking sick of it I really am.

Last night the same thing happened I said hoe I was looking forward to a day off together in march and he ignored me, I said 'babe I said I'm looking forward to that day off' and he ignored me again! I just flipped, all he says is how he's just tired and I don't understand how hard he works and he said 'it's my time with her, I never see her too wouldn't understand! About our dd. He shouts and is awful about it. He doesn't care that he regularly blanks me, he literally doesn't care or see is rude. He thinks he is entitled to do that.

Somerville Tue 24-Jan-17 16:24:41

He is the unreasonable one. Is he that rude to other adults of just his wife?

ImperialBlether Tue 24-Jan-17 16:26:59

He sounds really horrible - ignorant and rude.

What's he like when there are just the two of you in the room?

What's he like if you're with friends and family?

EverythingEverywhere1234 Tue 24-Jan-17 16:30:18

Well, he sounds awful. How does he react when you talk to him, calmly, away from your DD, about it?

AyeAmarok Tue 24-Jan-17 16:32:33

Do you ever have time together just the two of you? What's he like then?

He doesn't sound very nice, OP sad

LagunaBubbles Tue 24-Jan-17 16:34:29

He sounds very rude to me, do you ever communicate properly?

SquinkiesRule Tue 24-Jan-17 16:37:55

He's a horrible person, was he this way before Dd came along?

Chloe84 Tue 24-Jan-17 16:40:43

Could he be jealous because you work part time?

Irrational, but possible.

Willialwaysbelookeddownon Tue 24-Jan-17 16:45:57

I agree with Chloe84 it could be he's jealous.
Either you guys talk it out and find a solution but he can't ignore you like that it's wrong, wrong, wrong.
Being ignored makes me flip out on a whole new level entirely.
If he isn't willing to change that, maybe you should have a think about your relationship and if they're are enough pro's for you to stay flowers

BarbarianMum Tue 24-Jan-17 16:46:12

How does he treat you when your dd is in bed? Do you ever give them time together when you don't interrupt them? How are things at weekends?

Willialwaysbelookeddownon Tue 24-Jan-17 16:46:28

*there are. Sorry!

RebelRogue Tue 24-Jan-17 17:07:50

How are things when dd is in bed? Do you talk then,cuddle etc? Is there any intimacy and nice time spent together just the two of you?

He is unreasonable whatever the answer btw.

Ilovecaindingle Tue 24-Jan-17 17:10:13

Maybe talk to him in the same baby voice and see what he does? Say he has obviously forgotten how to communicate to an adult so you are getting down to his level. .

kissmethere Tue 24-Jan-17 17:15:25

That's awful. No communication at all and ignoring you? What is his problem? He sounds like someone you've just met. He's got a beef about something.

Squirmy65ghyg Tue 24-Jan-17 17:46:32

What a prick. He's ignoring you on purpose.

LucklessMonster Tue 24-Jan-17 18:34:01

The baby voice sounds irritating enough, even without ignoring you.

lelapaletute Tue 24-Jan-17 18:50:05

Does seem rude but how lovely that he is so attentive to your daughter - a lot of dads who work outside the home just want to crash when they get in and don't put as much into the relationship with their kids as they should. Good place to start from if you guys can work something out around it and he Dan acknowledge your feelings.

An idea - why don't you arrange to do something for you for a couple of hours (like go swimming or to meet friend etc) once he gets home on your days off - literally as he comes through the door, you hit the road with a 'bye love, see you soon!'

He can then spend quality alone time with his daughter without you feeling neglected, do her dinner bath bed routine, and then when you get home, he needs to give you attention and quality time, without the distraction of your daughter.

I guess you might think I'm ignoring his rudeness to you here, and I don't mean to - definitely you should explain calmly to him that this is not on and models a bad, disrespectful attitiude towards you to the daughter which is unacceptable.

But I can't help but think of the many threads I've seen on here where a a husband has complained that all the wife thinks about now is the children and he is being neglected - usually this will gain the response that only a man-child would resent the fact that his wife has reassessed her priorities and is more focused on her young children. Not saying you are, but setting yourself up in competition with your little girl for your partner's attention is a very bad idea for all of you imo.

Chloe84 Tue 24-Jan-17 22:47:29

Lol caindingle

'Ah coochi coo, DH! Why you so wanky? Why you schooo pricky? Who's my arsey DH? Yes, you are, yes you!'

clumsyduck Tue 24-Jan-17 22:52:05

There's a difference between going to dd first or being distracted though . This sounds like deliberate ignoring !

IMissGrannyW Tue 24-Jan-17 23:00:49

Sooooo many men seem to barely engage with their children, so the fact yours does I do think is fab.

However, he sounds like he's maybe angry with you??? And communicating that in a PA way?

If you can, take your irritation (justifiable or not) out of the equation and try and look at why he might feel that way and create opportunities to talk?

Like other PPs, I'm interested in whether you're intimate with each other. Not in a prying way, but do you kiss? cuddle? make love?

chitofftheshovel Tue 24-Jan-17 23:03:49

I'd agree with pp that it would be great if you could get out the house whilst he's there sometimes. But he also has all the responsibility of sorting out what needs done so don't leave prepared food, clothes out etc.
Even a walk by yourself in the morning by yourself might set you up for the day, if he breakfasts and actually parents instead of playing.
Sounds like a man child to me...

MissHemsworth Tue 24-Jan-17 23:28:35

My DH is like this. I've come to the conclusion that he has so little respect for me that he can't even be bothered to have a conversation with me. No communication in a marriage....what have you got left?

How long has he been like this for? Nice he's so attentive to your DD, mine can be like that too, but it's an avoidance tactic....which annoys me even further.

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