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To not go to these selling parties?

(38 Posts)
Treewall Tue 17-Jan-17 15:32:28

A mum of child in my dc's class at school has starting selling candles through a home party scheme.
We are part of a friendship group of mums and get along well.
Since she has been selling them, she has invited me to a "launch" party and a "new season preview" party at her home, via FB events. Each time I've politely declined as I think the products are very expensive and I really don't have any interest in buying them.
Now she is recruiting other mums to have parties and again, I've politely declined the invitations. The woman I am closest to in the group asked me in person to her party. I explained that I couldn't afford to buy anything so I wouldn't be going, but thanked her for thinking of me. Today another person in the group (not the selling person) asked me if I was going to have a party and I explained that no, I can't afford the products and am not really in to them anyway. She implied that I should be supporting our friends business by buying things from her and that I am BU by avoiding the parties. I kind of know I am not BU but it's really bothering me now.

justdontevenfuckingstart Tue 17-Jan-17 15:35:24

No, just no, say politely no thankyou. The host will know what they are 'hosting' stick to your guns.

KinkyAfro Tue 17-Jan-17 15:36:36

No, no, no, no, NO! Don't let them suck you in, they're like a cult. Run for the hills

DJBaggySmalls Tue 17-Jan-17 15:38:24

Urghh, Just say No!
I hate all this 'being unsupportive' bullshit the MLM bots spout, its emotionally manipulative.

welcometowonderland Tue 17-Jan-17 15:40:18

No no no no no. You shouldn't be pressured into purchasing stuff you don't want or cant afford.

Ignore her.

MWM Tue 17-Jan-17 15:40:26

You'll do well to stay away from this pyramid scheme op.

It won't be long till they have all sold to each other and they'll lose interest (and money, and friends)

KitKat1985 Tue 17-Jan-17 15:40:38

YANBU. I don't go to these things either.

Leeds2 Tue 17-Jan-17 15:41:31

Not unreasonable at all. Particularly if other mums are having these parties, as there would be no one left to come to yours!

I don't mind parties like this where you can buy something cheap that you would actually use (e.g. Phoenix Cards, Bodyshop) but I loathe the ones where you are expected to spend a lot of money on something like a candle.

VimFuego101 Tue 17-Jan-17 15:45:24

I'd go, drink all the wine, eat all the nibbles, rummage through her underwear drawers and ensure I never got invited back again smile

ALLthedinosaurs Tue 17-Jan-17 15:49:54

No, you are NOT being unreasonable. You don't "support" friends by buying shit you don't want.

You support them by being there when it all falls through and they realise it's bollocks.

skyblu Tue 17-Jan-17 15:49:57

I've been to many of these types of 'parties' over the years. Lots & lots of times, (infact, probably every time) not everybody buys something. A lot of the time, it's more social get together, chat & a glass of wine with friendship group & sometimes (quite often actually) meet new people. I've never experienced a feeling of the expectation being to definitely have to buy something, nor have I ever heard anyone being spoken badly of because they didn't buy.....that's just my experience.

Personally, if I'm not interested in the stuff myself, I see if there is anything I could buy as a Birthday/Xmas/Wedding etc gift for anyone. If not, or if not in budget, don't buy.

It's not up to you to keep buying to single handily keep her business afloat, but nice to look/support morally & socialise with your friends/circle...--& sometimes just make up the numbers so the room doesn't look soul destroyingly empty--

throwingpebbles Tue 17-Jan-17 15:50:21

Send her an invite to she'll soon stop inviting you grin

Nocabbageinmyeye Tue 17-Jan-17 15:51:01

Just say "So you want me to buy things I can't afford and don't like so she can afford to buy things she does like? confused eh no" then say "I wish her well and if i hear of anyone looking for x candles I will certainly recommend her, that is how i will support her business, through word of mouth promotion"

Kpo58 Tue 17-Jan-17 15:54:43

Obviously she doesn't have a viable business if she keeps needing local mum's hosting parties for her. I wonder if there is a polite way of asking her to stop trying to get charity off people for a non profitable "business".

Treewall Tue 17-Jan-17 16:00:25

I'm glad it's not me then. Thanks everyone.
I had thought about going to one just to socialise but there really does seem to be an expectation that you will buy something. They've all been described as "Xbrand candle party" 'come along and see the new ranges' "treat yourself to these pampering fragrances" that kind of thing. So I do think there is a certain pressure to buy which is why I avoid.

228agreenend Tue 17-Jan-17 16:04:59

If its the candles I'm thinking off, then they are expensive. I've been to a few and ended up buying stuff, and I'm not even a candle person. In have also been to,some parties where the host hasn't worried if people don't spend, and it's more of a getogether.

Fortunately now the dcs are in senior school, those types of invites have died off.

sweetheart Tue 17-Jan-17 16:12:52

My standard response to these things is immediately "I'm sorry I am busy that date"

roundandroundthehouses Tue 17-Jan-17 16:14:50

I particularly hate the whole pressure to be 'supportive' to friends when they take up these so-called 'businesses'. Of course, they rely on the guilt factor to sucker people in and take advantage of our better natures. I've known more than one friendship to cool down because of this crap.

And of course YADNBU to resist. If my best friend in the world opened up a fishing tackle shop, I would wish her all the best but she wouldn't get any custom from me, because I'm not interested in fishing. And I don't know anybody else who goes fishing, so I wouldn't even be recommending it. If she opened an independent bookshop, on the other hand, I would practically move in there with all my friends grin. Why should candles/makeup/health stuff be any different, if they're beyond your budget or you just aren't bloody interested?

Besides, if her business is viable, it won't need to be artificially propped up temporarily by guilty or unwilling support. You're paying her a compliment by not patronising her, in either sense of the word. Because all the people who are interested in her fabulous products will be flocking to her door! wink

ChuffMuffin Tue 17-Jan-17 16:15:33

So they're telling you you're being unsupportive. Ironic, considering them pressurising you in to buying things they know you can't afford is rather unsupportive in my book!

yellowpostitnote Tue 17-Jan-17 16:16:15

Check out timelessvie and send an invite as mentioned above...


yellowpostitnote Tue 17-Jan-17 16:17:44

It's not a business, it's multi level marketing aka pyramid selling, if that helps you avoid it like the plague any more than you are!

harderandharder2breathe Tue 17-Jan-17 16:23:33

Yanbu, and you wouldn't really even be supporting your friends, you'd be supporting the fat cat twat at the top of the pyramid

FuckOffLazyClickbaitJournos Tue 17-Jan-17 16:31:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

likewhatevs Tue 17-Jan-17 16:37:32

No YANBU. One of the mums is having one of these next week. I can't go due to other commitments, so its not an issue, but I have no interest in purchasing candles. From anyone.
Much as I'd like to 'support' her (especially as she has supported me, as I have a handmade items business) but I really, well, don't like candles.
I might have gone to the first one though just to be sociable and she is lovely.
You are certainly not being unreasonable by not going.

FlaviaAlbia Tue 17-Jan-17 16:43:38


I was out on my bike at the weekend and a car pulled out from a junction ahead of me with this candle selling branding on it. It was at least 20 meters away and I could smell the candles like someone had sprayed air freshener in my face. All the doors were shut and it was moving. The driver must have had no sense of smell at all of they'd have been knocked unconscious... It was unbelievable.

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