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To give up

(27 Posts)
Namechanger38 Fri 13-Jan-17 21:54:42

Hi

I had another driving test today and failed. Third. Been learning since Sep. Clocked up about 60 hrs of lessons now.

We live somewhere now where it is pretty imperative I drive. I am gutted I got myself into this situation, as the will to pass just isn't there despite the circumstances.

I was involved in a serious car accident when I was a child and have been working on my fear of driving...tbh I get very anxious still before driving and I feel stressed at thought of my kids in the car with me.

Today was an utter farce. 10 minors, two serious and one dangerous fault. Worst one yet. What pisses me off is everyone keeps pushing me on..my husband and family..."you've improved so much!" "More practice = more confidence!" Etc etc.

I think it is more complicated and deep rooted....essentially I never wanted to learn and am annoyed I am now in a situation where I have to. I don't enjoy it and I don't seem to be any less anxious.

My instructor says I am a good driver who gets nervous in exam conditions. I think I have ok days and totally shit days.

I'm now looking at rentals in another area. AIBU to say look, I gave it my best but I'm done? I feel it's not worth the mental stress any more.

notsurehowtodothis Fri 13-Jan-17 21:58:44

YANBU.

If you feel it isn't working, it isn't magically going to happen for you and it sounds deep-rooted like you say. Instead of lessons, use the cash to have some hypnotherapy or something if you think it'd help your anxiety. Or put it towards the move and just let everyone else have to accept your decision.

Good luck x

Monkendrunky Fri 13-Jan-17 22:00:33

I passed on my sixth. Only after going to a hypnotherapist for my nerves, the 5th one my legs were shaking so much I kept stalling the car. I'd see someone/do something about the nerves but don't give up!

littleoysterslittleoysters Fri 13-Jan-17 22:03:13

I passed 4th time! With the instructor in the back. Driving is very liberating. You can do it! Hypnosis is a good idea.

Ihopeyouhadthetimeofyourlife Fri 13-Jan-17 22:05:28

It took me 4 attempts to pass my driving test for similar reasons to you. I didn't want to learn to drive but had to for work. I have been driving for 15 years now and have driven 27000 miles since March this year. I'm still not a big fan of driving but I still have to do it for work and it's fine.

Not sure exactly what my point is but I think it's that if you have to enough that that it makes you kind of want to then you'll get there eventually. Give yourself the time you need and don't put too much pressure on yourself

Pineappletastic Fri 13-Jan-17 22:13:33

I passed on my 2nd attempt but I clocked up about 100 hours of lessons and took a year. A girl I knew at uni passed on her 12th go.

Maybe some sort of therapy for the accident issues? A friend of mine absolutely hated driving until about 6 months after she passed, I think often practice = confidence, but it can take a lot longer than the time taken to pass the test.

justdontevenfuckingstart Fri 13-Jan-17 22:17:00

My DD failed 3 quite badly, changed instructor and passed last week with a clean sheet. She said as soon as she changed instructors it worked. Is that an option?

19lottie82 Fri 13-Jan-17 22:25:59

I passed on my fourth attempt.

Would it be worth trying again but a different instructor? Look for someone who specialises in teaching nervous drivers.

goldface Fri 13-Jan-17 22:27:48

I passed on my sixth after a course of hypnotherapy. I swear I would still be failing them now if I hadn't had the hypnotherapy x

TaggieRR Fri 13-Jan-17 22:27:56

Would an automatic be worth a try? I know that can help some people as less to think about.

BravoPanda Fri 13-Jan-17 22:48:24

Most people take over 100+ hours of lessons before taking their test. 1 or 2 hrs a week for 12-18months is the norm. The basic driving is the easy bit. It's road/driver common sense you have to learn which is where you're failing by the sounds of it with so many minors. Why are you going for your test so many times when you're clearly not ready? confused

Namechanger38 Fri 13-Jan-17 23:18:37

Thanks ladies. Argh. Poor DH been on the receiving end of floods of tears all night.

Yes. I think maybe counselling is worth a go...CBT maybe? It would be painful I'm sure as I've tried to block out memories which permanently injured a family member. Maybe that's the root cause.

My instructor is the 3rd one I've had and is a good guy but recommended another 10 lessons...maybe I should have listened to him. Still a wake up call to address more than technical ability may be no bad thing..

Namechanger38 Fri 13-Jan-17 23:21:10

Oh to answer the question about why so many tests...currently my DH is taking kids to school miles away (only place we could get in) before a long commute and I want to do that as it's affecting his day.

QuiltedAloeVera Fri 13-Jan-17 23:26:59

I passed on fourth attempt and haven't ever had an accident in the 16 years since.
Don't give up. Being able to drive is so freeing.
Don't be hard on yourself. Loads of people fail driving tests, it doesn't mean anything.

Having been learning since September isn't very long at all. Leave it at least three months minimum - maybe six - before you retake. Take the pressure off.

Ankleswingers Fri 13-Jan-17 23:34:40

My friend failed her test 9 times in a manual car.

She then learnt in an automatic car and passed 3rd time.

Don't give up op. CBT definitely sounds a way forward.

You will get there flowers

SugarMiceInTheRain Fri 13-Jan-17 23:54:36

It took me 6 attempts despite being 'test ready' according to my instructor - and 2 examiners who failed me hmm Haven't had an accident in 18 years of driving, so 3 fails doesn't mean you can't succeed at this.

karmacoma1 Sat 14-Jan-17 13:03:18

Don't give up!!!

3 years of off and on lessons, 5 tests and I did it.

That was 3.5 years ago, no points or accidents either.

I had so many tears and breakdowns over it, but I'm so glad I did it. You can't put a price on freedom.

You will get there flowers

TheSnowFairy Sat 14-Jan-17 13:38:08

QuiltedAloeVera

'I passed on fourth attempt and haven't ever had an accident in the 16 years since.'

Me - passed first time and wrote off a car 3 weeks after I'd passed my test blush

Tootsiepops Sat 14-Jan-17 13:42:48

I have my test coming up next week. My instructor says if you have debilitating nerves, your gp will prescribe propranolol to help you stay calm. Is that worth trying?

memyselfandaye Sat 14-Jan-17 13:45:53

Do you mean you have only been learning since September 2016, 4 months? If so that's no time at all, don't put yourself under so much pressure.

Even if it was September 2015 it's still not that long, it will happen just try and stop thinking you MUST pass your test and quickly, it won't help.

It took me a year and I passed on the 2nd attempt, the 2nd test I had the mindset that I would probably fail again so I think I was a lot more relaxed, I did pass though and that was eleven years ago.

Mari50 Sat 14-Jan-17 13:48:57

If nerves are your problem then address this. I was prescribed propranolol by my gp when I was doing professional exams, the difference they made was amazing.

dangermouseisace Sat 14-Jan-17 13:52:22

my mum passed on her 5th go after learning on and off for the best part of 15 years. She is an excellent driver who was like you- bundle of nerves on test day who would cock it up in spectacular fashion. I remember her telling me about the examiner slamming the brakes on in the one before the one she passed. My father passed first time and he is a complete liability.

Don't give up. You've put in the work doing the lessons, you CAN do it. I hate driving and would happily never drive again, but it is a very useful thing to be able to do. Book your test for during rush hour- it helps.

KondosSecretJunkRoom Sat 14-Jan-17 13:55:26

Keep going. It's a skill for the rest of your life - so fuck if it takes a while to master. When you get your license it doesn't say how many lessons it took to pass and when you get insurance they don't ask how many times you failed.

dontbesillyhenry Sat 14-Jan-17 13:57:54

Do you have a car you can practise in daily? Thats what made the difference for me- oh that and beta blockers! Some people just cannot drive- no matter how hard they try. But if you can and feel its nerves holding you back then I would urge you to address that instead of giving up or you will keep thinking 'what if i'd perservered?'

magicstar1 Sat 14-Jan-17 14:01:23

I had a motorbike accident and was panicking and sick every time I tried to back out on it. Hypnotherapy worked wonders, and instead I felt confident and happy going out instead. Could be worth trying.

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