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AIBU?

To make him do his homework?

14 replies

MoleculeEmoji · 13/01/2017 17:19

I know homework is controversial but it is set and we signed the home school agreement to ensure it is done, so here we are.

It is assigned Friday to hand in on Thursday. Ds puts it off and off. It's always I will do it tomorrow. Or he loses it. Or doesn't hand it in. Every time we do it, it is a battle. He screams and carries on, growling and yelling and flinging himself across the table or floor.

I have tried to let him manage his own time and it doesn't get done. Or gets done Friday morning in a rush. There appears to be no sanctions to not doing it so there is no motivation there from the schools side.

When it does get done finally, it is often wrong. I have taken the tack of just sending it in, but no follow up is done. If I write a note saying he can't do it it is 50/50 whether he gets a catch up lesson/goes over it with the TA. I have seen his books at school and he can do it so now I have no idea whether he is just arsing about as he doesn't want to do it or genuinely can't.

So, having previously thought that the school should know he can't do it,hence sending it in as it is, I am now tacking my husbands tack of making him redo it and explaining and teaching him until he gets it.

I also, due to the above, want it done on the same day he gets it so it is over and done, he has the week free and sets up good habits for high school next year. Plus he has clubs after school at the start of the week and I work early evenings so we run out of time.

I give them half anhour to have a snack and relax then get pencils, erasers and sit with them.

Tonight was a massive pain in the arse and I ended up saying don't do it then, but no screens until it is done. WW3.

After being sent upstairs he ended up Dominguez down and doing it no problems (as I had explained it earlier). But the maths is wrong. Really really wrong. I have said ok, take a break and we will revisit it, but he has kicked off again.

so AIBU? -

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Lilaclily · 13/01/2017 17:21

How old is he ?

It's Friday, they've been on all day, he's probably shattered

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AllTheLight · 13/01/2017 17:22

How old is he? Assuming no SN I think YANBU

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Ilovecaindingle · 13/01/2017 17:25

Maybe suggest a home timetable.
Include mealtimes, TV time, tech time, homework, reading, etc
When he sees how much 'free time' he has maybe fitting in the hw won't seem so bad...

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MoleculeEmoji · 13/01/2017 17:25

I agree he is probably shattered. But I work tonight, tomorrow night and all day Sunday, plus he has clubs after school so this is one of the only times I can give it the attention he needs. Plus I work events next week as well.

So SEN.

Year six.

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EweAreHere · 13/01/2017 17:26

How old is your son?

I hate homework, and I work in a primary school with a home/school agreement as well. (Which is silly, since most of the children are a captive audience in our school catchment areas anyways. There really isn't any 'choice' about which school children will attend in most areas.)

Anyway, I think what you've described is quite common in a lot of primary school aged children, especially through about Year 3 or 4.

There should be 'time' limits on the homework, allowing them to stop after a certain amount of time (30 minutes per piece) no matter how far they've gotten, provided the effort was genuine. If it wasn't, I would also make them re-do it.

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MoleculeEmoji · 13/01/2017 17:27

And should I send it in wrong? Given there is little follow up?

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EweAreHere · 13/01/2017 17:28

AH, Year 6, Then they're probably working them very hard at school in preparation for the SATs they'll be sitting this summer.

It is a long, boring slog of a year for a lot of them, going over and over things in preparation, and many children have extra intervention groups, after school groups, etc on top of it because they need it.

It is a tough year. But it is also about setting good habits, which he will need when he starts secondary.

I think you have to make him do the work and do it properly.

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AllotmentyPlenty · 13/01/2017 17:28

What follow up are you hoping for? It may be if several children get it wrong the topic is revisited in class?

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MoleculeEmoji · 13/01/2017 17:29

Xpost,

Timetable might work but more likely to go tits up with two SEN siblings!

We can even reach the two minute mark without the screaming! It doesn't take him long st all once he sets his mind to it.

Last year the teacher realizes the issues we were having so said he needed to go to homework club. But he wasn't attending and again, no one made him Andy as I am not there at lunchtime I can't make him either or he would lie and say I think was done at club but it wasn't.

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EweAreHere · 13/01/2017 17:30

If it's wrong because he doesn't understand it, yes, send it in wrong with a note. Unless you can help him understand it. Don't if you're not sure how to help; that could make it worse.

If it's wrong because he can't be bothered, then I'd make him re-do it, or pull an after-school club off of him during the week and ask the school if he can do his homework under their supervision. A lot of schools have homework clubs, especially for Year 6 students.

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Lilaclily · 13/01/2017 17:31

The thing is your reasons are a lot about what works for you , that you're working etc , but Friday night is still Friday night and he's not doubt sick of being told what to do at school , could you cut back on his clubs if there is really no other time ?

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notsurehowtodothis · 13/01/2017 17:32

What worked for me (as in, when I was at school) was I got in through the door from school, sat straight down at the dining table and did my homework until it was complete. I wasn't allowed to turn on so much as the radio until I was done, as my parents logic was as soon as I relaxed, it would be ten times harder to find the mojo, so do it while still in school 'mode'.

If I whinged, one of my parents would sit with me until I did it. Once finished, I could pretty much do what I wanted with my evening.

Worked a treat.

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MoleculeEmoji · 13/01/2017 17:32

Yes re follow up we were told, the TA would go through it again, but then he has no issues with it in school? Maybe revisit, yes, if necessary if a few children don't get it.

He is slightly behind so that is important too, we need to get him up to speed. But is 'making expected progress' even if the parents are not meant to realise that expected progress on the reports doesn't mean they will reach ARE just that they are moving forwards

And making him do it the day he gets it is ok, right?

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MoleculeEmoji · 13/01/2017 17:34

Lilac, I do realise that. But I want to be around to help him if he needs it, if it isn't being followed up at school then how will he learn it? I want to support him and he needs my support!