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AIBU?

To worry about 2 year olds' use of dummy

17 replies

user1469302797 · 13/01/2017 17:00

DS has just turned two and he is using his dummy excessively. He used to only 'need' it for sleep and if he became tired in the day. It seems since Xmas he has increased his use and I don't really understand why. Baby #2 is due in a few weeks and he understands this as much as he can for his age. I wanted to get rid of dummy before baby comes but I'm so tired both physically and mentally that I don't have the energy. I feel like such a crap mum at the moment. Today the TV has been on a lot and I'm so tired. Hubby has come home but he's tired too. I'm worried about his excessive dummy use. Can anyone please reassure me? I know the best way to get rid is cold turkey but I just don't feel ready to deal with the upset.

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GreatFuckability · 13/01/2017 17:03

would he understand the concept of giving his dummies to the baby?
personally i would cut it back and just for bed/naps. how excessive are we talking?

Soubriquet · 13/01/2017 17:04

Don't panic

Don't take it away yet either. He's about to get a big shock with a new sibling so will need all the comfort he can get.

Weaning is better than cold turkey

We tried cold turkey and Dd suffered so terribly we had to give it back after two weeks

Start by limiting it to bedtime only.

When he's happy with that, then you can talk about swapping it for a toy or something he wants

cowbag1 · 13/01/2017 17:08

Ooh I'm in a similar position so I'm watching with interest. Ds1 is 2.1 and ds2 is 3mo. Ds1 only has his dummy for sleep and nap times but we have to be very strict as he would have it all day! I would love to get rid of it as I'm worried it's affecting his teeth and he does have a bit of a lisp (although his talking is excellent as I've been strict about him having it in the day since he turned 1). I've chickened out of getting rid of it so far as I'm worried it will affect his night time sleep or he will drop his afternoon nap and I couldn't cope with either plus ds2's sleep issues at the minute!

Strangely, he's not at all botheted when he sees ds2's dummy, doesn't try to use it himself and will give it to him when he's crying. So that's something.

Ilovecaindingle · 13/01/2017 17:09

My ds 2.4yo has been poor over Xmas do dummy has been over used. .
Yesterday I left it in his bedroom when he got up and told him he could have it when he went to bed.
It's usually on the mantlepiece and he asks for it throughout the day.
He never once asked for it when he knew it wasn't in sight. Or today even when he had a bump on the head this morning then a sleep later on. Out of sight out of mind it seemed. Maybe worth a try. Oh and it's his last one - all the others he chewed and we binned so he knows when this one goes there isn't anymore!! See how that goes!!

MusterTheRohirim · 13/01/2017 17:11

My DD is 2, when we went to the dentist recently he asked about it and I admitted to using it for bedtime and naptime and he wasn't concerned - said it's far better than a thumb and not to worry yet as long as it's not all the time.

cowbag1 · 13/01/2017 17:11

Should have added, we wanted to wait until ds2 arrived as in case he found the arrival of his brother upsetting. We've also bought a book called Bea Gives Up Her Dummy, that we're going to start reading to prepare him.

user1469302797 · 13/01/2017 17:18

He would have it all day if we let him. I just feel so tired and in pain from pelvic problems. Hubby is playing with him now and has taken it out. He just needs constant distraction from it and I have no energy. He hardly uses it at nursery. He's been up since 3 so we're all just tired.

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user1469302797 · 13/01/2017 17:18

Thanks for your replies so far....keep them coming in.

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GreatFuckability · 13/01/2017 17:21

i totally feel your pain for being tired and not up to dealing with the demands. do you think you'll feel more/less able to do that once the baby is here?
I wouldn't overly stress, just try and keep it to as little as possible for now, and then tackle it in say 3 months once you're feeling more yourself/baby is settled, a few months realistically isn't going to make a massive difference.

user1469302797 · 13/01/2017 17:31

That's what my mum has told me. She said I used a dummy till nearly 3 and nothing terrible happened!

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Allthebestnamesareused · 13/01/2017 17:35

I wouldn't try to take it away now with a new baby coming (or give it to the baby as that might cause resentment). I think I would go along the lines that he is the big brother and reinforce a sleep time (whether nap or night) only thing for big boys.

We then left DS's out for Santa actually just after he turned 3 to take away for poor babies and he never asked for them back again. So maybe sleeptime for now and get rid later.

Don't try to tie it in with new baby in anyway.

QuiteChic · 13/01/2017 17:47

Don't worry - that's the first thing - you've never seen an 11 year old with one ! (Well maybe there is somewhere in the world - but in general). As an 'old' timer - kids 22 and 24; I've come to realise that the dummy stage is just that. At the point that they are ready to give it up, they will ( with a bit of coaxing). We accidently (on purpose) left it at Grandmas one weekend when DS was about 2 and 1/2. He forgot about it.

Don't beat yourself up - you have so much on your plate right now and if there's any 'judgey pants' "mine never wanted a dummy" mummies in your circle blank 'em. Karma is a wonderful thing and it will bite them !

Brokenme · 13/01/2017 17:54

DS had a dummy until the term he went to school at 4. I was totally anti-dummies before DS and would totally have judged someone else! But it gave him a lot of comfort (he only had it at night in later years and mainly to fall asleep) We bribed him, threatened him, cold turkeyed him but nothing worked. When he finally gave up it was because he decided he didn't want it. He's a well adjusted seven year old with no dental or speech issues. They are so small for such a short time so long as he isn't using it all day to inhibit speech I wouldn't worry too much

AllTheLight · 13/01/2017 17:58

DS2 had a dummy till nearly 4, so I totally sympathise with you being tired and not wanting to face the battle of not taking it away from him. However, I have to tell you that he needed speech therapy when he was 6 and the therapist did tell me it was probably due to too much dummy (because the sounds he had trouble with were all 'front of mouth' sounds). Sorry

Brokenme · 13/01/2017 17:58

Threatened sounds ominous. I just meant as in 'big boys don't have dummies' type way

downwardfacingdog · 13/01/2017 18:34

One of my DDs was absolutely addicted to her dummy at 2. We took it off her aged 3 and she was fine. We always made her take it out to speak though. We just said we couldn't understand if she tried to talk around it. It's not the end of the world, I would leave it for now with the new arrival the big brother or sister often want to be reassured that they are still your baby so wouldn't be a good time to try and lose the dummy.

sjd84 · 13/01/2017 18:39

My little boy had a dummy until he was 2 years and 3 months, he had it for naps and night-time, but also to sooth during the day. We talked to him about taking it away, which I dreaded, but we got him to put them in a box for "the babies" and he asked for it a few times and then forgot about it. They won't have them forever.

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