Aibu to think there is something wrong with me?

[IncrediblySparklyFairy]

Ever since I can remember, certain noises/smells/textures have upset me to the point of tears. I remember having to go past a dog food factory as a child, en route to visit relatives. I would climb into the footwell of the car and cry until we got past. Yet I'm ok with horse poo! Another thing was when my mum used to twist bits of tissue in order to dab at a cut knee or something - the sound would make my teeth hurt and I'd start heaving. I remember getting a smack for the "silly behaviour", but I genuinely couldn't help it. It was like q red mist coming down, only not of anger, of totally unfounded disgust and desperation to escape from that thing

As a teenager, I was always getting in trouble for "rudeness" because I'd sneak out of family events to go and hide in a toilet. This was usually because of a noise that was making me anxious to the point of hyperventilation, and it was either that or full blown panic attack. Nobody ever seemed to understand though- it was assumed I was being a silly drama queen

As an adult, it isn't so bad, probably because I now have control over where I go and for how long. However when I'm stressed it flares up again. DD was whining today, I could feel myself tensing up. She went upstairs and dropped the toothbrush mug in the bath- it was an accident, but the noise absolutely ruined me. This sounds awful, but in order to calm myself when this happens, I pinch myself or twist a handful of hair. The feeling grounds me. Anyway I was doubled over, twisting my hair and breathing because I felt like the alternative was curling up on the floor and sobbing uncontrollably. DD saw none of this by the way, she was upstairs. DH came in and asked what was wrong, I said "the noise"(he knows how unsettled I get)

After I'd got myself back together, he said he'd been thinking about it and he wondered if I maybe had some form of phobia to sound.

If I'm honest, I presumed everyone had tjis- nails down a blackboard, right? But DH says they really don't.

I know I sound like a drama queen and probably a horrible mother, but DD doesn't see this side of me and it wasn't that I was angry at the sound. when it happens, it feels like a punch in the gut, plus total panic, nausea and desperation and it's taken me a long time to have it under control.

[iklboo]

It sounds like possible misophonia

here

[Squirmy65ghyg]

Think DH is right, maybe a wee trip to the doctor might help? Some sort of sensory processing issue or something. Sounds horrid OP.

[DailyFail1]

I agree you need professional advice here.

[Bluntness100]

Sweetie, this is so not normal. Your partner is right, you need to get help. Your daughter smashes a mug upstairs and you're bent over double self harming as an alternate to lying down crying. The feelings you get in relation to this is not normal.

You need to get medical help.

[IncrediblySparklyFairy]

I have been to the doctor before, as I have anxiety and was medicated for it.

This isn't all the time, it's usually when I'm unusually stressed or going through a period of change. I was back to work this week, a few other things have happened, and I was on edge.

Self harming sounds extreme...I wouldn't call it that,more "pinch yourself to wake up" type thing.

I do see that it's not normal though. The older I get the more I don't seem to fit in with the world at all

[JsOtherHalf]

Do you have any other sensory issues or autistic traits?

It might be worth looking into?

[AppleAndBlackberry]

My friend's DD is very sensitive to noise and also things like certain clothes. She has been diagnosed with SPD (sensory processing disorder) and Asperger's syndrome. Could you have this?

[IncrediblySparklyFairy]

I'm not sure really. I was the seriously weird kid in school, and not in a good way. Then as I got to my teens I started to realise that all I needed to do was act in a certain way until I knew people well enough, then I could be myself and they'd think it was cool and quirky instead of weird.

I have a really fantastic group of friends who look to me as the sensible one who has it all together - I'm renowned in work for organisation and confidence. I've practised all that though, it's not me naturally but as a result of training myself out of bad habits. Or else not understanding what the fuss is (hilarious coming from noise crazy woman eh)

Realistically, I need to carefully monitor my time/socialising to ensure that I have enough time on my own, or else I get very very stressed and anxious.

[mrstomriddle]

I suffer from misophonia and it's miserable. It's a phobia of certain sounds, for me it's, eating sounds, gulping, forks etc on teeth and even tooth brushing sometimes. Luckily my husband is very understanding and totally gets it's not my fault or within my control.

What you need to do is work out ways to manage your situation. So for me, I have the radio on when we eat, I remove myself from certain situations and I even just put my fingers in my ears (subtlety I promise!!). I had to reach a point of understanding that I can't always control it and just have to cope. It's horrible but you can get help and you have to work through how to manage it. I get physical reactions too, it's hard. But like I said, with coping strategies you can manage it.

[Richteadipped2]

Im calling Sensory Processing Disorder and possibly ASD.

Women present differently. Have a read around and see if anything resonates for you.

[jenniferjane21]

I agree with other posters who have suggested sensory processing disorder, which is often but not always part of autistic spectrum disorder.

Read up on both areas and see what you think? The book "Too loud, too bright, too fast, too tight" is a very good read on sensory processing disorders.

[Titsalinabumsquash]

I have severe misophonia and I have mild asd. Some noises can have me throwing up and crying where as some don't bother m, I'm also quite sensitive to touch and textures.

[FaithAgain]

From your brief synopsis, I agree with pp who suggest sensory processing disorder and possibly ASD. I was diagnosed with ASD last year at 34. I'd always known I was somewhat different from most people. My sensory issues are related to smells and noises in part, my biggest issues are with textures so I can't wear some clothes or clothes with scratchy labels. Being diagnosed has really helped me. I've had support at work, counselling tailored to meet my needs and most importantly, I understand myself better so I'm happier in myself. Have a look at this link about ASD in women by an expert in ASD, Tania Marshall to see if it sounds familiar.