To not do anything for LO's birthday?

[LuluLovesFruitcakes]

It's DS' 4th birthday in February, but I'm testifying in court in the week beforehand and then we're both going on a sort of holiday straight after. (properly out myself there!)

My family expect me to hold a party for DS, but I really don't have the energy to cope with a party, or with a string of guests. So I won't be doing that. But really, I don't want to do anything at all.

Would it be totally unreasonable and out of order if I just set aside some money, take him to a toyshop (or sit on the laptop at home) and let him pick whatever he likes to then be wrapped up - bake a cake together, ice it together and just do a small thing just the two of us with no one else around because I don't have the energy to put up with anyone ?

[FeliciaJollygoodfellow]

If hey expect it, they can host it.

[Aeroflotgirl]

No you don't have to host anything. A fami,y day out or something. If they want a party, they can host it!

[FeelingSmurfy]

Doesn't need a party or get together but I would either buy presents you think he would like or use the money to take him out, maybe while you are away, rather than have him choose his own presents then wrap them up

If you can't think straight to work out what he would like then you could ask on here, just say the sort of things he likes doing/watching

[Muddlingthroughtoo]

Does he want a party? If he does then I'd say you're being a bit mean. Part of being a grown up and a parent is doing things that you done times don't want to do. Sometimes I don't want to haul my butt to rugby on a cold Sunday morning when I'm ill, I'll still do it though.
If he doesn't, then maybe you could take him out for a meal, trip to the zoo, at least do something a bit special to mark his birthday.

[FooFighter99]

My mum has pressured me into holding birthday parties for my DD's 4th and 5th birthdays.... But as she insisted, she paid for them!

There is however, absolutely no need to have a party every year (or ever for that matter) and my DD would have been just as happy with a family meal.

Do what makes you happy and don't be made to feel like it isn't good enough, because it is!

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

If members of your family went to come to you to drop off a present and wish him Happy Birthday, then that's not an unreasonable request. Perhaps tell them you won't be having a party but they're welcome to pop in?

If your son has a close friend then perhaps he could have them over for tea and cake on his birthday? That won't be too much trouble for you. My children always loved having a friend over so that could be his treat?

You don't have to organise a huge do for his birthday to be special.

[LuluLovesFruitcakes]

I haven't asked him if he wants a party - he has absolutely no concept of time so if he decides "yes I want a party" in his mind that's a party right now, not in a months time if that makes sense?

We'll be away (staying with my aunty who he adores) on his actual birthday and she's planning to bake him a cake and make his actual day special. We won't be able to take presents with us as we'll be flying.

I kind of feel obliged to do something while we're here?

FeelingSmurfy that's exactly how I am right now - I can't think straight to think of what he would even want...and we've just had Christmas.

[TheThingsWeAdmitOnMN]

Tell them to sod off. He will have a lovely day on his birthday & that's all that matters. Just buy something very small you can take with you (a couple of cars & a book or something) for him to unwrap. 4 year olds have no concept of cheap/expensive presents so are happy to just have a present to unwrap. Job done.

I hope it goes ok in court & you can enjoy your time at your Aunts.

[DailyFail1]

A small kitchen party at home (your aunt's then yours) is more than enough.

[BIgBagofJelly]

Could you not explain to your family that it'll be a really hectic time so it'd be great if they hosted the party. Other than that depends what your DS would like, if he would like a party could you not do a low key thing? You just need a few balloons and pop into Tesco and pick up some sausage rolls, crips, pizzas and a cheap birthday cake, text a few family members to invite them. If he doesn't want a party buy him a couple of pressies, wrap them, and take him our for the day.

[Crumbs1]

A four year old won't even realise they can have a party. Sounds like a lovely day.

[allowlsthinkalot]

I think you should take presents with you, they don't have to be big or heavy. But YANBU not to have a party.

[Treaclex]

He doesn't need a party and considering your going away whilst it's his birthday surely that's part of the treat for his big day ? Could you perhaps buy his gifts online and get them delivered to your aunts ?
Good luck in court can tell it's stressful times so tell your family to bog off

[Dutch1e]

YANBU. It's probably the last year you can get away with such a low key (and, honestly, lovely-sounding) birthday before your little boy starts wanting to invite friends and classmates.

Your family is welcome to throw him a bash at their own expense/planning if they're so invested in the idea.

Do it exactly as you've planned and enjoy it.

[LuluLovesFruitcakes]

Thank you all

My family live quite far away so there will be no party-throwing from them. (Am just going to ignore my family mother when the sulking about my selfishness starts!)
He gave me some ideas of presents today. I'll be doing his birthday nearly a month early so I can be sure to give him a nice day before court stuff kicks off :)

Thanks again!