Apologies for the rambling. I'm 40 and am in a relationship with a man who has children, but I don't. Although we don't live together, I am very happy with him, have a wonderful relationship with my parents, and adore my niece and nephew (who live abroad). I also have a sort of older woman mentor with whom I talk on a regular basis, whom I love very much (and I know she feels similarly about me). I'm intelligent, educated, and I think that a nice and kind person overall.
The thing is, I've always had problems making friends. I was very badly bullied in school and was very close to my parents, so was always happiest with them. My parents are not terribly social people either, and I'm rather introverted, so I never really had a very good idea of what being friends with people is like, or how you go about making them.
I have made acquaintances over the years - in university and graduate school, and through my work - and like some of the people I know very much, but most of them are not near me now, and in any case I don't feel we have been close enough or have the kind of shared experiences to be described as friends.
At risk of sounding morbid, since I turned 40 I have been thinking that if I died now very few people would come to my funeral or be sad. It's not only a matter of feeling alone - it's also a matter of knowing that your life has impact on others, that others care for you. When my maternal grandmother died, so many people came to the hospital and to her funeral, because they cared for her and liked her. My paternal grandmother, who was a narcissistic bitch, died alone - not even the daughter who lived with her would bother to spend the night with her. I'm terrified of something like that happening to me. I worry that all the people I love will be gone before me, and I'll die alone, with no one near me.
I'm not looking for particularly intense relationships. But I would like to get to know interesting people with whom I get along, for whom I care and who care for me.
I would be very grateful for any advice or comments if anyone has been in a similar situation. Thanks in advance!
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Difficulty making connections
3 replies
DistanceCall · 01/01/2017 20:51
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