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Loud sex

(24 Posts)
spicyelephant Wed 16-Nov-16 22:08:46

Really, really loud sex.

I just want a bit of a vent really, I'm sat catching up on the missing and my neighbour (downstairs flat) is making an outrageous amount of noise. Her (definitely put on?!) moans combined with what sounds like furniture being thrown around has made me turn the volume up twice!!

For context, the walls really aren't that thin. I can't hear the general activities of upstairs of downstairs neighbour usually but for the last week I feel I'm actively involved in downstairs neighbours sex life.

I really don't consider myself a prude but this is just ridiculous. I think she's been watching too much porn

spicyelephant Wed 16-Nov-16 22:09:49

So please - has anyone ever confronted neighbours over loud vigorous midnight yoga???? Please make me laugh to drown out the screams.

gillybeanz Wed 16-Nov-16 22:13:47

No, I'm usually said neighbour grin
Can you not go into another room/ move T.v etc.
I know you shouldn't have to, but you'll get some peace.
Is it a new fella and likely to pipe down in a few weeks?

QuoteMeYouFuckers Wed 16-Nov-16 22:14:11

I don't know what to say in regards to offering advice but when I lived in a bedsit the walls, ceiling and floors were so thin I could hear everything. I usually just got on with my life, often with the aid of ear plugs and complaining to the landlord when the downstairs neighbours put their music up to eat splitting levels, but when them upstairs started shagging really noisily I did shout up a few times to tell them to be a bit quieter or to hurry up and get there 'cos I was watching telly. For some reason it was a noise that I just couldn't ignore for some reason and made me feel really uncomfortable - more invasive in many ways than the loud music.

hotdiggedy Wed 16-Nov-16 22:15:13

Its horrible and I would be thumping on the floor by now.

travellinglighter Thu 17-Nov-16 01:35:52

I used to live next door to a bloke who had three different regular partners. I could literally tell them apart by the sounds they made when having sex. I gave them nicknames. Tourette's syndrome(fuck, ooh fuuuccck, FUUUUCCCCKKK), The religious one(oh god, oh god, oh my god, ooohhh god) and monkey noises. I was called out to work one night and could hear bodies slapping together.

Given that I was getting none at all, it was ever so slightly annoying. Never met the bloke at all.

BoopTheSnoot Thu 17-Nov-16 02:16:32

Oh dear. Maybe they don't realise how thin the partitions are? Just thump on your floor/their ceiling really loudly to make them realise that such bangs are very clearly audible wink

Bloopbleep Thu 17-Nov-16 02:19:34

Can you thump on the floor out of time with their shagging. That would be extremely offputting. I also maintain Handel's Messiah chorus for the finale works wonders. Point speakers to floor and turn up. You might as well have some fun.

Mummyme1987 Thu 17-Nov-16 02:20:02

Shout scores each time!

AutumnalLeaves38 Thu 17-Nov-16 03:02:13


This note for her door? wink

spicyelephant Thu 17-Nov-16 19:15:36

Haha, all excellent suggestions!! Thanks for the cheer up everyone... I feel armed and ready for the inevitable procreation tonight.

Coffeethrowtrampbitch Thu 17-Nov-16 19:19:40

Every time it happens you should put 'Lets get it on' at high volume and play for the duration of the disturbance.

Start to applaud afterwards if you think her acting merits it.

ForalltheSaints Thu 17-Nov-16 20:11:58

Humour would be the best option, though Handel's Messiah amused me.

SorenaJ Thu 17-Nov-16 20:30:04

Put on "the bad touch" by bloodhound gang really loud.

SaltyBitch Thu 17-Nov-16 20:38:06

Note through the door is the only way.

Flossiesmummy Thu 17-Nov-16 20:43:02

Copy each moan equally loudly grin

spicyelephant Thu 17-Nov-16 22:57:43

We're already on round two of this evening... I've decided to start hoovering every time it happens. Hopefully this will drown it out and also they will make the connection and get the hint. We will see if eventually I can condition them to associate the hoover with 'time for sex' and I will be a domestic goddess with a dust free kitchen and no longer have to put up with the moans!!

This is getting old quickly, who the bloody hell has this much vigorous sex?? Her poor fanjo.

SaltyBitch Thu 17-Nov-16 23:04:38

Good for them I suppose?

JustWantToBeDorisAgain Thu 17-Nov-16 23:10:43

Buy her some cream for her poor fanjo with a note suggesting it's probably getting a bit sore now grin ( oh and can she tone the noise level a little!)

WankingMonkey Sat 19-Nov-16 13:09:42

Ahaha before my mum moved back in with my dad she had her own place and the neighbour was very much like this. It was obviously put on..for reasons unknown. I'm sure people cannot find literal screaming at the top of someones voice sexy? At times it honestly sounded like she was being murdered and we got a bit worried, but then she would yell 'JUST LIKE THAT, HARDER BITCH!' then go back to screeching. It was odd...

My mum solved it by having a cup of coffee out in her garden one morning and when neighbour appeared my mum said to her 'sounded like you had a great night last night' with a purposely pervy looking wink, while I nearly peed myself trying not to laugh in the kitchen.

Oddly enough, neighbour learnt how not to squeal from that day on. Still sounded like she enjoyed herself though, but normal sex noises are fine and expected really. Thinking a randomer is taking a machete to a piglets nipples is not...

Trifleorbust Sat 19-Nov-16 13:17:26

Note through door. "Sex noises are really loud and I'm trying to watch Bake Off. For the love of God, knock it on the head."

roseteapot101 Sat 19-Nov-16 13:21:22

post them a note

We hear everything =/

SausageSoda Sat 19-Nov-16 13:25:17

Years ago when I lived in a different house, and after a night of being kept awake due to prolonged fake sex noises, I did stick a note through the door asking them to keep the noise down next time.

Cheerybigbottom Sat 19-Nov-16 13:34:47

I have this problem with a neighbour. We had to speak to her face-face about it because although we live in a terraced house we could hear her shenanigans in every room of our house. Over the tv and noise of a 3 year old too. Our DS started asking what the noises were and guests left because they felt uncomfortable.

We had a reduction in volume for a while, it sadly didn't last and I'm sick of it again. I turn our tv up loudly, or open & close and rummage in our fitted wardrobe (she's on other side of wall) and put the hairdryer on. I'm convinced they enjoy screaming and banging like porn stars and get off on the neighbours being forced to listen.

It may seem funny at first reading but i sympathise with what is a very serious noise nuisance. envy

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