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Best friend is now in a serious relationship with my ex's best friend

(8 Posts)
Trying321 Sun 13-Nov-16 19:34:03

Not a problem in itself. Ex and I split up ages ago (7 years). We were together for 4 years. Both now have new partners. Ex didn't treat me well, I dumped him, he wanted to get married and played the victim that I had dumped him. The reality was he was a borderline alcoholic who threw things at me when he was drunk and was a general liability who was always fighting. There was also some suspected infidelity, controlling behaviour, jealousy, financial abuse. My friend knows this. Her boyfriend won't and anyway the ex would deny all this. Anyway...

My best friend is now in a serious relationship with his best friend. His friend is fine no problem with him at all. It's just that now my friend is always double dating with ex and his new partner and I'm getting invited to fewer things. Eg. Friend is hosting a big party and her boyfriend wants to invite his friend so I don't get invited.

I would be fine with being at the same events as my ex and his new girlfriend but apparently she isn't ok with it. I'm sure myself and ex could be civil. AIBU to feel like I'm being frozen out?

Arfarfanarf Sun 13-Nov-16 19:37:11

Not at all.
I'd feel very let down by my so called best friend.

MissVictoria Sun 13-Nov-16 19:38:27

Not unreasonable no, but there has to be some compromise. Your friend and her partner might not be comfortable having both of you (and his new partner) at their house together, as especially if alcohol is involved, they could be worried about anything from general awkwardness to full on arguing.
You could let your friend know you feel left out, and offer the suggestion they alternate between you and your ex when inviting people to events, but you may just have to accept her partner won't refuse inviting his best friend, and if she doesn't insist on you getting invited instead sometimes (assuming you and her are as close as he is with your ex) then you will inevitably be the one "left out" of things they organise. You can always try organising more yourself?

Rainydayspending Sun 13-Nov-16 19:43:09

I'd be clear with the friend that you miss sharing time with them. In terms of why that is happening, there may be some compromise - ultimately none of you belong to any of you. Ask your friend to make more time for you, perhaps to even give you the choice to parties if friend/ new partner are just avoiding it because of you.
Ultimately if they want to spend more time with an abusive alcoholic then they're probably better to wind down the friendship with.

Rainydayspending Sun 13-Nov-16 19:46:22

Who isn't ok? Your friend, the best friend? the ex? Or the ex's new partner?
If it's your friend - your friendshio seems over. If it's the new partner, I'd have a talk and do the standard being there for a friend with a controlling partner. If it's the ex's new partner I'd point out that as it is a serious relationship the only way for new person to grt used to you all would actually to spend time with you all. Probably been fed lies though (I'd bet you are painted as the alcoholic).

IceIceIce Sun 13-Nov-16 20:00:36

I'd be absolutely livid, devastated and I'd feel betrayed quite frankly. Your friend should be ashamed of herself.

I really want to give you a hug but cakeflowers will have to do x

IceIceIce Sun 13-Nov-16 20:09:43

Also since you're the one willing and happy to be civil and him/his girlfriend is the one who isnt happy to be at the same events then it SHOULD be them who aren't invited since they're the problem

Whocansay Sun 13-Nov-16 20:20:32

That's really shitty behaviour by them, but she's made a choice. You are being phased out. She is no friend of yours. There is nothing you can do about it. You have to let it go.
flowers

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