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To wonder why women put up with these 'friends'

(13 Posts)
1wokeuplikethis Tue 08-Nov-16 17:48:48

You know exactly which one I'm talking about; always has to be the best at everything, makes jibes and puts others down but does it in a sickly sweet way so that you're left feeling lacking after you've seen them. Give you the runaround, pick you up and drop you an that you never feel quite 'good enough' compared to.

I've met plenty and have, in the words of Negan, shut that shit down. They can piss off and I will drop them like a hot potato. Started when I was 12 and now my friends are just people I like and who make me feel happy.

But I have a dear friend who has a friend like this who puts her down and makes her feel bad about herself. She knows this friend does it but still stays friends with her.

Why do people put up with that shit?

Euphemia Tue 08-Nov-16 17:51:20

Better than sitting home alone?

Lilaclily Tue 08-Nov-16 17:53:23

Because people feel lonely and don't think they can do any better

Ditto all the crap marriages around

singleandfabulous Tue 08-Nov-16 17:57:57

^ This ^

TheNaze73 Tue 08-Nov-16 18:03:20

Get them out the house

TheNaze73 Tue 08-Nov-16 18:05:32

Posted too soon.

Gets them out the house, maybe loneliness

Kinraddie Tue 08-Nov-16 18:36:13

I'm pretty sure I've got one of these friends. Been friends since school, have never really felt as if I was on an equal footing with her. On a one to one basis, she's fine, friendly, interested, kind to others. But when I'm in a group situation with her, I usually feel a bit ignored, inferior, and rarely come away feeling good or happy. But there's not a particular thing I could say she does. Just the feeling that I come away with.

luckylucky24 Tue 08-Nov-16 18:38:55

Because they have few other friends?

DH has some terrible friends. Really terrible. Mine are pretty flippant.

Neither us have many at all so we accept the poor treatment as otherwise we would only have each other.

1wokeuplikethis Tue 08-Nov-16 18:43:30

Oh. That has made me feel a bit sad.

Surely though, it's better to be alone and only have one friend - as in your OH - than be made to feel like crap so you don't feel alone? Which isn't a jibe; I simply don't understand why you would accept it.

mumofthemonsters808 Tue 08-Nov-16 18:47:59

Because some people have very little self confidence, they feel worthless and have no sense of identity. They cling on to people, even though they are treated very badly because it's better than being alone.Their options are usually limited because there may be no strong family ties or a shit Husband in the equation, so the bad friend is sometimes the only friend.Like an abusive husband, there will be times when the bad friend is nice and the friendship is enjoyable, so the person convinces themselves that the good outweighs the bad and accepts this poor behaviour is just package and parcel of their friendship. They do little to stand up for themselves or detach themselves from the destructive relationship because it still serves a purpose for them.The bad friend can almost smell this vulnerability and uses it to their full advantage.

It's awful Op watching a friend being treated badly, but there's only her who can solve the problem and at least she has you, which is more than most.

Talking aside, I saw an advert for MIND the other day and the heading just said "Some People Have No one" and a few peoples stories appeared, I think we forget how alone in this life some people are.I couldn't stop thinking about it all night.

CaspoFungin Tue 08-Nov-16 18:50:55

But I've got a friend who has friends that treat her badly, her sister does too and she has loads of friends so isn't worry about being lonely!

Our boss also takes advantage of her.

Slippydippysoap Tue 08-Nov-16 18:52:39

I think they sometimes do it to stay in the 'in' crowd. I am not in this crowd because I cannot stand the bullshit but I know women who put up with it and I do not know why!

miraflores81 Tue 08-Nov-16 19:12:04

I had to comment as going through a situation exactly like this with my sister. I'm slowly coming to the realisation I have to cut her out of my life, as she is just toxic. The only thing stopping me is my little niece and nephewsad

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