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AIBU to miss my abusive mother?

(9 Posts)
WoopWoop200 Tue 25-Oct-16 23:41:04

I am pregnant with my 2nd DC. My mother was involved when we had our 1st.

She was basically abusive to me my entire life. I went NC 2 years ago as i just couldn't do it anymore and it was affecting mt family. Since then i have done a lot of research and think she has Narcissitic Persinality Disorder (obviously i am not a doctor but i just need to know why she is the way she is)

Well DH and I have been TTC for over 2 years and it has finally happened. I am approx. 8 weeks.. I have my 1st midwife appointment tomorrow morning. We are so happy and excited to tell DS.

But tonight I am lying in bed crying because I can't tell my mum. I don't even want to tell her. I want nothing to do with her. But i just wish I had a mum to tell.

Am i crazy? Is it the hormones?!!!

WorraLiberty Wed 26-Oct-16 00:10:52

I don't know if it's hormones or not but it's natural imo to want to share such fantastic news with your Mum.

My Mum died 3 weeks after I found out I was pregnant with my DS3 and as much as it hurts that she never met him, I'm so happy I got the chance to see the smile on her face when I told her the news.

I think I'd feel a lot worse in your position though but at the same time, I'd try to take comfort from all the positive people you have in your life.

Apart from your DH and DS, do you have anyone else you're close to who will be excited and supportive?

Congratulations btw thanks

JellyBelli Wed 26-Oct-16 00:14:01

Congratuolations on your good news flowers
Of course YANBU to want a Mum!

TheCatsMother99 Wed 26-Oct-16 00:15:47

You're not crazy, I can completely understand why you feel how you do.

I don't feel best to offer advice (as I'm no good at it) but wanted to send you flowers and say congratulations.

Inyournightdress Wed 26-Oct-16 00:17:45

flowers oh op it is entirely normal for people who've been abused to feel this way about the abuser especially when it's a family member. Human beings are complicated and what you went through wasn't simple. Don't feel guilty about your feelings. You're going through a very emotional time you are bound to feel something.

WoopWoop200 Wed 26-Oct-16 09:39:37

Thank you everyone. I normally feel relieved i don't have to deal with her, but DH is so excited to tell his parents (I don't blame him at all) and i have none to tell. Think it hit a hormone and all came out last night.

WorraLiberty I am sorry to hear about your mum. Hope you're as ok as you can be.

Thank you everyonw for yiur kind words. They are really appreciated. I am about to go meet the midwife. I am very excited (even if i have been sick all morning) grin

MsVestibule Wed 26-Oct-16 09:51:26

I have only a reasonably good relationship with my mum, and I couldn't wait to tell her I was pregnant, although the circumstances were 'far from ideal' as my dad put it. She was also the one I was desperate to show off my firstborn to.

It's completely natural to want to share this sort of news with your mother, and I'm sorry you can't. Do you have good friends who will be excited for you?

user1471434605 Wed 26-Oct-16 09:54:25

I have finally gone NC with both my parents. They were physically and mentally abusive when I was a child and the mental abuse continued when I left home. I put up with it for 25 bloody years and I finally had enough after a truly horrendous weekend of constant abuse aimed at me, my DH and our children. I still cried like they had died but I am seeing a therapist and things are getting better. I really would advise you to do the same thing, it would really help to have a third party to help you sort your thoughts, especially when hormones are buffeting you. Good luck.

FlyingElbows Wed 26-Oct-16 10:28:19

You're not crazy, I understand. I'm 8 years "clean" of my mother now. For me it's not that I don't have my mother but that I don't have any mother. It's not easy. flowers

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