Not to reply to my colleague on Facebook whilst off sick?

[ashamedtoask]

I've been signed off work by my GP after being admitted to hospital. My colleagues know I was taken in as I stupidly said publicly on Facebook if colleagues were free (I work in the hospital) I'd appreciate a friendly face . Not the wisest thing to do but I was drugged up to the eyeballs, no prospect of a visit from anyone else and was feeling a bit alone.

I spoke a bit to a couple of colleagues on Facebook privately, both know in a bit of detail what was happening , one less than the other. I trust both of them not to spread my business around.

I'm home from hospital but exhausted, sore, on regular pain relief and not managing much - went for a 10 minute short walk earlier with the dog and felt faint when I came in.

My GP has signed me off work until Wednesday and says in likelihood I'll be off another week or two yet. This isn't the first abscence related to this illness and I'm due to be off again for surgery. I've to start treatment with risks of difficult side effects and having outpatient investigations over the next fortnight or so.

I have spoken to the senior nurses at work - when I was admitted, when I knew I was staying and when I got home - but haven't been able to talk to my line manager due to her working hours. I am hoping to email her tomorrow. I'm off strongest pain relief so can make a coherent conversation and remember what was said.

Anyway, a colleague that I don't know well out of work has just messaged me asking if I feel better yet. She could be just concerned but I'm worried she's just wanting to know when I am coming back in. I know I have left work short this weekend and have been in floods of tears over the mess.

I really don't want to message her back tonight. At least until I have talked to my boss. I've logged out of Facebook, messenger etc and I haven't viewed her message so to speak, just saw the 'preview' on messenger.

My thinking is if I text her back whatever I say will go straight to management and I don't want that at all, I don't want anything interpreted wrongly and I feel anything should go between me and management only. I feel I owe my manager the courtesy of talking to her first surely.

She's a really nice person, but I don't want to cause myself problems at work by saying the wrong thing.

Am I being paranoid or rude by ignoring the message?

[BolivarAtasco]

Nope. You are sick. Ignore it.

Hope you recover soon.

[Wonderflonium]

You could be non-committal:-
"Aww thanks for checking how I'm doing. I'm off the strongest pain killers now, so that's good. Can't wait until I'm back!" sort of thing.
But there's nothing wrong with not responding!

[CocoLoco87]

YANBU

By all means reply back thanking them for the message etc, but do this after speaking to your line manager.

[FrogTime]

If it doesn't even show as read on her side then as far as she's concerned you're in bed resting with your phone on silent. Don't worry about it and definately talk to management first - this nosy colleague can wait!

I hope you're feeling good again soon OP,

[pooh2]

Aww this sounds really difficult no, you're not being rude at all. I find office politics difficult at the best of times so I really do see where you're coming from; but as an outsider I think the previous post suggesting a non-commital respomse (if indeed you respond at all, and you don't have to) is probably the best bed. Wishing you a speedy recovery. Xx

[mineofuselessinformation]

When you feel like it, reply 'not really feeling up to replying, hope to see you when I'm back at work'.
Totally non-committal, and a 'mind your own business' politely put.

[pooh2]

*best bet, even! D'oh.

[couldntlovethebearmore]

As polite as possible- you are overthinking this! You have been signed off- deemed not well enough to work by a doctor. Whether you reply to someone or not won't change that!

[FinderofNeedles]

If you feel you absolutely have to reply, mineofuseless has it spot on. I wouldn't bother though. You can thank her in person when you are back at work.

And YY to speaking to your line manager first.

[WorraLiberty]

You're not obliged to reply.

But if you don't know her very well, what is she doing on your friend list?

These problems often come up for people who add people from work, when they really don't need to.

[Cel982]

Of course you don't have to reply. But it's quite likely she's just being nice and showing concern for you. Honestly, don't overthink all this. You've been legitimately signed off sick and your employer will just have to make other arrangements. Concentrate on resting and getting yourself well again.

[WeAllHaveWings]

Personally I would assume she was genuine and asking how I was doing, but I'd give a non commital "thanks for asking, taking one day at a time just now"

[Cherrysoup]

This is why I don't have colleagues on Facebook. Don't respond, she's either being nosy or reporting to management.

[Judydreamsofhorses]

I don't have Facebook, but to me the long and the short of it is that you've been deemed medically unfit to work by a doctor. That situation won't change whether you reply to the message or not, and your manager will know this. I totally understand the anxiety about leaving work in the lurch though - I'm a teacher and the hassle it causes (and therefore the pressure to work through) makes everyone feel so guilty about being off sick.

Take care and get well soon!

[JoJoSM2]

I's reply politely but as it has been suggested - I'd make it non-committal and not engage into much correspondence.

[Josieannathe2nd]

But because you made it public knowledge by sharing on fb, from a 'being a nice person' perspective your colleagues might think they seem uncaring if they don't ask how you are doing? I think you can be vague in your reply but don't overthink it too much! Maybe they like you more than you realise :-)

[BumWad]

Defo over thinking this.

Just ignore it.

[Headofthehive55]

Id message a colleague who I didn't know that well. My thoughts would only to send my best wishes knowing that it might give someone a momentary lift, but not expecting any reply.

[Wdigin2this]

Ignore it...simple!

[Damselindestress]

I doubt she has an agenda since you put it on Facebook that you were unwell and would appreciate visitors, she is probably just responding to that. Maybe she was unable to visit but still wants to show you she is thinking of you so sent a message. You are under no obligation to reply but remember she could be showing genuine concern, not having a dig at you for being off. Either ignore it or just say something non committal.

[BowieFan]

You probably are overthinking but equally I understand your reasoning. When I was signed off work due to having a relapse when the manufacturer of my medication stopped making it I had some lovely messages from colleagues but I just ignored them. With my issue being mental health and the profession I'm in, I tend to avoid too much detail because if it got into the wrong hands it could be a career-ender for me.

And it doesn't have to be malicious. Your friend could tell someone something meaning well but it could be used against you in the future.

So yes, best to just ignore it and try to enjoy your rest and recovery time.

[Memoires]

Just because someone has sent you a message, doesn't mean you are obligated to reply. You don't have to log out of fb either, unless you want to. You really don't owe her an immediate response.

[ForalltheSaints]

Ignore and hope you are better soon.

[YelloDraw]

You invited contact form coleuges so it isn't surprising they have contacted yu - just reply in a non-commital way "thanks for the message hun, been a rough few days. Looking forward to seeing everyone when I'm well enough to be back in work."

[ashamedtoask]

I probably am overthinking it

I'm just a bit concerned as we have strict policies on Facebook and sick leave - and on telling colleagues things before telling your manager. My manager knows I'm signed off until Wednesday, they don't know as yet that GP thinks that will extend to mid November depending on what happens over next few weeks. I haven't replied but when I do I'll just send something like what you've all said to :)

I'm trying to find the courage to phone my manager to discuss all this - stupidly get worried when discussing sick leave, as I know I'm letting everyone down.