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To think this wasn't being kind and supportive

(11 Posts)
butterfliesandzebras Mon 17-Oct-16 12:02:46

I have a had a medical problem with my leg. The doctor has told me to try to keep the leg moving (ie tap my foot if I'm sat at a desk, get up and walk frequently etc).

I try to do this, but obviously it's easy to forget (get engrossed in a task and my leg stops moving). Hence I don't mind at all when friends or family say 'oi butterflies, move your foot!' if they notice I've stopped to remind me.

Today I was feeling unwell and flopped on the sofa. My husband walked through and said in a nasty sarcastic tone 'so do you EVER jiggle your leg like your supposed to?'

I ignored this. But he repeatedly made comments till I told him I thought he was being unnecessarily nasty and I didn't want to talk to him right now.

He then said he could be as nasty as he liked as it was for my health. So I told him if the new rule in our marriage was that we could be nasty to each other then he could fuck right off, arsehole. (Not very mature of me, admittedly).

He is insisting that I only got angry because I was feeling guilty for not moving my foot, but I feel his aggressive tone and claiming I didn't ever do it (when we both know I do!) was what pissed me off.

I feel there were tons of ways he could have reminded me without being horrible if he actually cared about my foot. AIBU?

Thatwaslulu Mon 17-Oct-16 12:06:22

No, I think he is being unfair. He may have had good intentions initially but gone about it in a clumsy way, but it sounds as though by carrying on the argument he is feeling defensive because he knows he was a little unkind but won't back down.

mouldycheesefan Mon 17-Oct-16 12:09:50

Set a timer on your phone to remind you to jiggle . It may be that's it's become wearing to others that they have to constantly remind you when you don't remember yourself. It sounds like your husband was trying to be supportive. If you had a different way of remembering such as an alarm that may make life easier all round.

ArmySal Mon 17-Oct-16 12:12:17

I don't know, it sounds like he's doing it for your own good to me?

EdmundCleverClogs Mon 17-Oct-16 12:15:26

It depends, does he often have to remind you? I've often become sarcastic with my partner, when they continuously forget to do something that's specifically for 'them'. No, it's not nice but frustration often comes over as rude.

pyjamasalways Mon 17-Oct-16 12:17:33

Idk my DH has recently had an op on his back and thinks he doesn't have to listen to medical advice hmm. He's not meant to bend but keeps trying to put washing in and empty the dishwasher as I don't do housework at lightning speed like he does.
So yes it's annoying to have to keep reminding someone to do something that's for their own good.
Like someone else suggested set a timer or something. Hope you recover soon x

butterfliesandzebras Mon 17-Oct-16 12:20:08

I do have a reminder on my phone! It's still not possible for me to remember every single waking moment of my day, so there will be times when I'm not moving it (I do think I remember 'enough' of the time though, I suspect my husband thinks I don't).

Other people don't have to remind me, I've never asked anyone to, I was just explaining I don't mind people saying it in general.

mouldycheesefan Mon 17-Oct-16 12:29:16

Well it does sounds like he is fed up of reminding you. Just say to him and all others nicely that you have set lots of reminders so thankfully won't need people to remind you to jiggle your foot. Then it won't be a point of contention any more.
Happy jiggling hope it gets better.

Imnotaslimjim Mon 17-Oct-16 12:33:34

This sounds like there is possibly more to it. Is he regularly rude or verbally aggressive towards you? I can understand him getting frustrated if he never sees you do it but there was no need for him to be nasty about it

tofutti Mon 17-Oct-16 12:44:28

I think he's using this as an excuse/opportunity to be nasty to you and he thinks you shouldn't retaliate because he is supposedly doing it for your own good.

Tell him you don't need his reminders anymore.

butterfliesandzebras Mon 17-Oct-16 14:53:05

So I've tried to talk to him to see if he's getting frustrated about reminding me as people have suggested, to let him know I think I'm doing enough and that he doesn't have to remind me.

He is insisting that's not the issue, he says there was nothing wrong with what he said, and that I'm taking it the wrong way? (I really don't see a nice way of reading his comment?) He says that whatever I say he 'knows' I'm not doing enough for my health generally, and I should be 'pushing' myself to do more exercise etc.

I've come out of hospital a few moths ago not even capable of walking, I feel like I've made huge improvements since then, and the doctors had been telling me I've been doing well, I am 'pushing' myself, but I'm still very unwell, and progress is slow.

Everyday feels like a huge uphill struggle, and now I feel the person who is supposed to be supporting me through this is just criticising me for not doing enough instead sad.

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