I've been with my DH for 15 years, we have two DCs together and I have one from a previous marriage. Since DH and I got together, FIL has made it clear, through subtle digs, ignoring me and generally being an arse to me that he doesn't like me (MIL died before I met DH btw so she is not around to speak to about it). I have finally had enough of his behaviour and have said to DH that I am having nothing more to do with FIL. DH has spoken to FIL in the past about his attitude towards me and I always 'answer him back' for want of a better phrase but he always puts my reaction down towards me being oversensitive or 'not knowing how to take him'.
He is often very cunning in how he says things to me; he will usually ignore me in front of DH and just pointedly ask how DH is and talk about the children but never asks me how I am. Then when DH is not here or is not in the room he will say things like he hopes I am grateful that DH works so hard to support us all (I work too; we earn pretty much the same!!), or gets a dig out of something or other. Until a few years ago I was a fitness instructor and he was always talking about how when he goes the gym he takes no notice of the instructors as they're all 'stupid little girls who know nothing', which was aimed at me.
If I ever tell him anything about the kids he just ignores me and harps on about how bright SIL was as a child and how amazing SIL's kids are.
Also I am non contact with my parents due to them abusing me as a child and various other abusive things they've done in recent years (including my dad hitting me a few years ago in front of my children), and FIL goes on and on about how 'they're still you're parents' and telling me I should talk to them!
At the weekend it came to a bit of a head; he phoned up whilst DH was at work on Saturday and was incredibly rude to me, starting with 'Is he there????' in a demanding voice as soon as I answered the phone. I then said that DH was at work and FIL launched into 'Oh, POOR MAN, having to work on a Saturday to support you all'. He was rude in several other ways and I was polite but then I came off the phone and thought 'Fuck you, I'm having nothing more to do with you'
I have told DH that I am having nothing more to do with FIL and that I am happy if he and the DCs want to see him but I will not be engaging with him anymore and if he comes round here I will not speak to him and will go out. DH has agreed but I can tell he thinks I'm being a bit dramatic about it all.
AIBU to cut FIL off?
AIBU?
To refuse to have anything further to do with FIL?
QueenOfThePhone · 10/10/2016 13:28
You are absolutely right OP. I liberated myself from my DH's family after over 2 decades of them being rude to me and about me, and them slagging me off behind my back to my teenage daughter, which in turn has detrimentally affected my relationship with her (nearly 2 decades of subtle and not so subtle poison drip fed). Your FIL sounds like mine, an arrogant bully, where everyone tiptoes around them. He bullied my daughter so much that she became clinically depressed, we didn't realise this because it happened when she saw them on her own, and she felt embarrassed and hid it from us.
It all came to a head this time last year when my DH told him that we had had enough of his behaviour, SHTF and they ranted and raved for months, especially my equally toxic BIL who accused my husband of shortening his parents' lives by daring to challenge.
I saw them once briefly earlier this year at a funeral, I refuse to go to their house or invite them to ours. I don't need constantly being told how fat/ugly/hairy/drab/wrong I am, how women are stupid etc, etc.
My DH finds this situation very difficult but now sees them separately, he is a lovely and gentle man but is caught in the FOG (fear, obligation, guilt) trap.
Go NC, life is too short and you will hopefully find it liberating too 
God you're really cutting off your nose here when you can have so much fun 
Twat FIL: 'Isn't it awful that dh is working on a Saturday to support you all'
You: 'yeah, it's amazing! I've just finishing blowing the milkman and then I'm going to eat 4 eclairs before I buy some shit on eBay I don't need'
Then hang up.
Too often we're (women) expected to take endless shit with no response. By all means choose no contact but just give yourself a wee option to bite back. It might be more satisfying 
And he might never do it again.
Not at all unreasonable. And to answer the 'still your parents' it's bollocks to suppose that gives anyone rights to your time and energy (let alone anything owed to abusers). Stick to it, you're not being dramatic at all. Good boundaries are an excellent example to your dc. your h could probably learn something about boundaries through this too.
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
YANBU. It took my mum thirty years and untold digs to cut out my horrible grandmother - she even continued visiting her when my dad didn't and after the split up. It took an insult about my mum's mum to make her say she'd had enough, and I don't blame her one bit. She's a toxic witch and my mum is lovely - I'm glad you have done it in half the time it took my mum!
Sounds like a complete bastard..like others have said, Life is too short for crap like that..I went years putting up with my older sister behaving like a total nightmare, (usually when alcohol involved) but kept making excuses for her..in the end enough was enough, NC and I've never looked back..Good luck op, I would hope your DH is supportive enough to actually make sure his father keeps away from your home. You shouldn't have to go out of your own house because of him.
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