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(14 Posts)
robotrobot Thu 06-Oct-16 18:24:46

I've agonised for a while about asking but I need some opinions especially from people who have or experience depression.

I'm struggling with my husbands decision to come of his anti-depressants, he had his dose upped and it didn't immediately help, the drs told him to stick with it as it would take time, but he has decided they aren't for him. He came off them without discussing it with anyone, has been a couple of weeks and he is still struggling loads. (Is a big issue but that's another thread)

I am struggling because I've been on medicine since I was 15 for epilepsy, it sucks, I have had some incredibly tough times, I have had to be weened on and off several different things over the years, i remember always having the frame of mind of I have this-so I need this to make me better. Everyone else around me has the same view point especially during the times I've been crying in pain in a dark room because it's not working-my husband has been by my side in these moments.

So why does he get to have a different view point on himself and medication? He has said he doesn't want to be on medication for the rest of his life and that it's just not something he is willing to do-when he talks about it he always stops himself and says he doesn't want to talk to ME about it.

So AIBU to be insulted by this?

SaucyJack Thu 06-Oct-16 18:29:34

You what?

This post sounds very me, me, me.

Have you phrased it badly?

DesignedForLife Thu 06-Oct-16 18:41:01

YABU to be insulted, it's not personal. YWNBU to be annoyed.

robotrobot Thu 06-Oct-16 18:45:12

Sorry yes it does sound very me me me, it's hard to phrase. I'm aware of the support that he needs but I'm trying to separate out that, to just focus on the one issue that I'm insulted by.

I'm also aware I may be being unreasonable.

e1y1 Thu 06-Oct-16 18:48:32

Don't think you should feel insulted - even your own husband does not have to discuss his health/medication concerns with you.

YANBU to be annoyed though.

snapcrap Thu 06-Oct-16 18:57:50

I don't think you sound selfish OP. I understand exactly what you are saying. He needs medication for his depression and he's not helping himself - it's also extremely ill advised to just stop taking it!

phillipp Thu 06-Oct-16 19:03:49

Yanbu to be annoyed and concerned that he has just stopped his medication.

Yanbu to turn it round and make it about yourself though.

snapcrap Thu 06-Oct-16 19:05:11

She's not making it about herself, she's drawing a reasonable comparison to her own situation. Wow so much compassion on here. What does he say when you talk to him OP?

SaucyJack Thu 06-Oct-16 19:22:07

It's not necessarily a reasonable comparison tho. Depression and epilepsy are different conditions. It doesn't at all follow that because the OP needs to take lifelong meds to manage her epilepsy, that her husband therefore needs to take medication to manage his depression. Especially as they didn't seem to be helping him anyway.

What is he doing to get help robot (if anything)? If he's just laying in bed all day leaving everything to you then that's not on, obv.

SaucyJack Thu 06-Oct-16 19:25:35

I'm not trying to be uncompassionate btw.

It just seems like you're comparing apples and pears, basically.

robotrobot Thu 06-Oct-16 19:31:55

This is why I didn't want to go into detail about him (and why it comes across selfish) because the depression has derailed him totally and he is being unreasonable in a day to day sense, but that isn't my issue (well not here it isn't)

If I were to say it was too much and I didn't want to take medicine it would be huge, I wouldn't be supported in this decision by anybody including him.

He has always said he won't try therapy because he hates talking about his problems. So different medicines was his only option. After 4 months he has given up completely.

Feels like it's one rule for me and another for him.

ipswichwitch Thu 06-Oct-16 19:42:25

Is it that you feel like you are doing everything possible to help yourself and your condition, but feel that he is doing nothing to help himself? He's refusing therapy and now refusing medication without really giving it a chance (4 months is no time at all, and it can take trying several different ones before you find the right one for you).

robotrobot Thu 06-Oct-16 19:59:17


I'm very aware of the pros and cons and feel like I could be a big support in that sense.

When I talk to him, it's sort of like he knows he is saying insulting things so he stops the conversation dead and always storms out. In saying anything negative about living a life dependent on medicines and all the uncertainty that comes with it, it can start to feel really personal really fast.

helpimitchy Thu 06-Oct-16 20:07:52

I agree with you.

My dh desperately needs something for his anxiety, but point blank refuses. I'm on antidepressants, partly to help me cope with his difficulties, to be able to keep the house running and go to work (I'm the breadwinner and he can't work due to his anxiety).

I feel as though I'm medicated for the both of us hmm

Men don't seem to like taking medication. Nobody likes to, but sometimes it's essential and depression is a condition that affects the whole family.

Your dh should try a different med if he's not happy with the one he's been taking.

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