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'It could be worse'

(9 Posts)
felineways Wed 05-Oct-16 18:54:59

Recent conversation with my mum 'how are you coping?' 'Me a bit sad but doing ok' mum 'don't dwell it could've been worse'.

I'm currently in the middle of an eptopic pregnancy. I'm incredibly lucky that it seems to resolving without need for intervention ( my body is absorbing the pregnancy). I'm also very lucky to have a child already.

But despite knowing how much worse it could be im still upset. This is my third miscarriage and each pregnancy has taken a long time to conceive. I think being sad about not having a hoped for child is totally natural.

I'm not making a big deal of feeling sad life is going on pretty much as normal. In all honesty I wouldn't have told family but my husband was away and I needed emergency child care while I went to hospital at the start.

It's a slow process and it's now a month since I found out. Im still going to hospital twice a week for monitoring so it's not 'over' yet.

It's not just my mum, my inlaws are the same. I m not really talking about it much but when asked I tell the truth, 'I'm finding waiting for it to end hard and I'm sad not to be having a baby'. In return I get annoyed pep talks about 'it could have been worse'.

Aibu not to pretend it's all fine.

mum2Bomg Wed 05-Oct-16 18:58:35

Not unreasonable at all. flowers I think she probably didn't know what else to say/was trying the Mum 'thing' of 'chin up'! Bloody annoying anyway. I hope you've someone else to talk to as it must be really difficult. X

butterfly990 Wed 05-Oct-16 19:29:31

YANBU you are in the process of bereavement. Loss of the potential child and the joys of pregnancy.

Let yourself heal at your own rate. I think that their responses have been out of ignorance rather than malice.

Are the hospital offering any support, referals?

Sending hugs xx

oleoleoleole Wed 05-Oct-16 19:45:58

I've experienced similar. In the end when I was asked how I was my response was "do you want to hear that I'm ok or shall I tell you the truth". That made them think about their question and puts you back in control xx

Tiptoethr0ughthetulips Wed 05-Oct-16 20:12:40

You are definitely not being unreasonable. I'm sorry for your loss and also that you're not receiving the emotional support you need. flowers for you Op.

CwtchMeQuick Wed 05-Oct-16 20:19:18

Yanbu.

Of course it's not fine. It's totally normal to be sad about the loss of a pregnancy, no matter the circumstances.

I think people say these things to try to be helpful, but without really thinking about what it is they're saying. When I miscarried I had similar comments and looking back I wish I'd told people how it made me feel.

Take as much time as you need to feel whatever it is you need to feel flowers

felineways Wed 05-Oct-16 20:55:57

Thank you for your kind words. Not having much space to say I'm sad out loud is making doubt myself. Dh is home now so it should be easier.

ole your so right I wish people won't ask unless they actually want to know!

Notsure1234 Wed 05-Oct-16 21:01:26

I found my ectopic extremely difficult to cope with and I often thought to myself I was lucky as it could have been worse. People don't think though when they make these comments, they usually think they're being helpful. Hope things improve for you soon. It's shit all the dragging on an ectopic entails flowers

justdontevenfuckingstart Wed 05-Oct-16 21:05:56

It's not fine it's bloody shit. Worse things happen in the world but it doesn't lessen your feelings. It's ok to say I don't care about other stuff this is hurting me!

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