Aibu to feel DH is taking his 'shedding' too far?

[Ladyonashortfuse]

Need to rant a little bit...We are staying at my PIL's for a week or so. It's a fairly big house, in a very rural area. But there are often lots of other family members coming and going so we're rarely alone as such. Yesterday DH disappeared to chainsaw logs outside at around 11, leaving me in the house with our 3 DC (aged 3, 2 and 3m), 2 other cousins under 5, and his DM who isn't well. He didn't come in again until 5. Today he has gone to do the same thing again. Last time we came down here he spent much of the weekend doing the same thing. To be clear, he is doing this mostly for pleasure; there is no shortage of other people able to handle a chainsaw round here.

AIBU to expect him to spend some time with the rest of us, when we're supposed to be having a family break, so to speak? Or am I being mean for resenting him spending time doing things he likes to do during that time? At the moment I feel like there are three people in our marriage: him, me and the effing woodshed.

[Peppapogstillonaloop]

No yanbu at all! When does he spend time with you? When do you have time do do what you enjoy without the children?

[TondelayaDellaVentamiglia]

it's a man thing....

dh is obsessed with his chainsaw, and cutting logs and chopping wood, getting it stacked up

I just roll my eyes, and eat cake..but he tends to do it on odd days off and not at weekends so I'd be mad at being abandoned for the weekend!

[LadyConstanceDeCoverlet]

YA definitely NBU. With five small children and an unwell parent around, it's totally inconsiderate to put all the responsibility and work on your shoulders while he goes to play with boys' toys.

[timeforabrewnow]

YANBU - leaving you with 3 kids under 3 and his unwell mother - he is quite clearly taking the piss.

I would make that very clear to him. Or perhaps send the kids down to the shed with him to 'help' with the stacking of logs

[RaspberryIce]

YANBU!!! Please leave him to care for the children tomorrow. If you are bf the 3 m old and can't leave her then take her with you and leave the rest, but you need to stop him buggering off and leaving you with the real donkey work.
The annoying thing is you'll probably get back and find some other poor woman is caring for the kids while he's reading the paper or something

[timeforabrewnow]

Oops - and two cousins under 5 ? Where are their parents? In the shed as well?

[eddielizzard]

FIVE kids and a sick mil. fuck that. why are you looking after the extra kids? tell your in laws you need help, you can't do it. tell dh you're fucking fed up and he's responsible for everyone while you go out for an hour.

[neveradullmoment99]

Its not on. But i would wonder why he was choosing this rather than spending time with his family. It may be, he needs to get away from his sick parent as he finds it stressfull? I think communication is at the heart of this. You need to talk to him and ask why. If he wont open up then you need to tell him how you feel. It isn't fair.

[VioletBam]

Do you just let him do that? Don't you go out after a while and ask him to come and help you?

[PigletJohn]

he may be feeling the heavy responsibility of an adult son to look after his aged and unwell parent. This is not uncommon.

[clam]

I'd be snatching that chainsaw off him and wielding it like a madwoman, if I were you.
YANBU, he is. Get down to that shed and get him back in the house to help. Nobody needs that many logs.

[rhiaaaaaaaannon]

Yanbu of course. I'd stop going, it sounds like harder work than being at home. What does he do when he's finished chopping?

[FeliciaJollygoodfellow]

He might be Piglet but not sure that gives him carte blanche to just foist the responsibility to his wife without any conversation?

[NovemberInDailyFailLand]

Hmm. Is there something in the woodshed, here? :)

[ImperialBlether]

He's enjoying himself Piglet; he's nowhere near his mum!

[ImperialBlether]

I was thinking that, November! Is the OP at Cold Comfort Farm?

[TheHiphopopotamus]

But i would wonder why he was choosing this rather than spending time with his family. It may be, he needs to get away from his sick parent as he finds it stressful

So he just get to fuck off to the shed leaving the OP to it, plus five kids?

[TheHiphopopotamus]

Yanbu OP, I should add. My DH has form for this too.

[LimpidPools]

And we don't know what's wrong with his mum. She may just have a nasty cold, rather than being on her deathbed.

(Given the ages of the OP's kids, she might not even be 50!)

[Longlost10]

Maybe the wood needs cutting, and he is helping out in the most productive way?

[Longlost10]

sorry, but 6 hours chopping wood doesn't sound to me like skivving at all. maybe suggest you swap roles for a couple of hours? If you think he is getting all the fun? Maybe he would be delighted for you to offer.

[Duckafuck]

Get up early and go out tomorrow leave him a note wishing him a lovely day with all kids.

Seriously this 'children are women's work' attitude really boils my piss.

[pinkyredrose]

He's taking the fucking piss!!!! 6 hours a day to fucking cut wood while you look after 5 kids? When was the last time he had 5 kids while you fucked off for 6 hours? I'd take all the kids to where he is, dump them and run, go and sit somewhere or go for a walk. Never ceases to amaze me how many men think they can opt out of parenthood.

[clam]

he may be feeling the heavy responsibility of an adult son to look after his aged and unwell parent. This is not uncommon.

Not uncommon amongst people who need to grow up, perhaps. And what "responsibility" is he shouldering by running off down to his playhouse shed and letting his wife deal with it? My parents are elderly and ill - I wouldn't dream of leaving it to my dh to sort out.

[PragmaticWench]

Longlost he had a chainsaw, it's not like he was using an axe or a hand saw. I'd LOVE to dump the children and spend hours doing something like that, perhaps the OP would like the option too. It's much, much easier than looking after a pack of young children almost on your own.