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To not know how I feel about my pregnancy yet?

(20 Posts)
Cynthesizer Wed 21-Sep-16 21:53:17

Today a coworker asked me nicely "Are you excited?" and I just blanked. I don't know if I am or not. I'm not enjoying my pregnancy very much, I'm 22 weeks in and I haven't really felt any better. I am happy to be a parent, but it wasn't planned and I don't particularly get excited about babies. I know that I always wanted a family and in the abstract I am glad that I will get to be a mother.

Then she said in a worried tone (I guess my face looked pretty odd) "Aren't you looking forward to meeting the baby?"

And I didn't know that either....! I suppose I must be! Surely anyone would! But I guess it doesn't feel real... it's starting to feel a little more real now, with the kicks and everything, but I don't think I'm actually looking forward to labor etc.

I must have reacted really oddly. She seemed odd/concerned all day and couldn't seem to believe I wasn't really excited to go shopping for the baby stuff, or picking out names, or just getting hyped in general. She's more excited than I am... I wish I was that excited, I just feel ill!

But I've mostly been worried and ill, I guess I forgot to be excited... and I guess that must be a little weird for people. The first trimester was so awful that I just wanted to be DONE, I think I'm pretty proud of myself for still being pregnant and going into work, let alone being happy and excited about it!

But if I'm being unreasonable, I'll genuinely try to shake off this feeling and start trying to get into it. Sometimes I feel like this around Christmas etc., everyone around me will seem really festive but I just don't get into the spirit until I start really trying.

... When do I start getting excited? Should I be already? sad

Yorkieheaven Wed 21-Sep-16 21:56:27

You should feel how you feel op.

Your co worker isn't upduffed. So she has no idea.

It's completely normal to feel all emotions and none when pregnant. Don't worry.

DerekSprechenZeDick Wed 21-Sep-16 21:57:08

Some people just aren't excited. I didn't find out Til 27 week, I'm 38 week now and still not excited.

I accept the congratulations and smile and nod though so people in RL have no idea how I really feel

Everyone is excited about this pregnancy but me.

You are not unreasonable. It's a perfectly normal response. I felt the same as you Til I asked here.

Scroobius Wed 21-Sep-16 21:58:12

I genuinely just got excited at the thought of not being pregnant anymore towards the end. I'm not much of a baby person either so the bit that I'd have gotten excited about (toddlerdom) just seemed a long way off and the shopping just stressed me out. You feel how you feel, when the baby arrives it'll usually either all for into place or take a little while, for now just don't worry about how other people think you should feel.

TheHubblesWindscreenWipers Wed 21-Sep-16 21:59:22

I had hyperemesis and spd really badly. I vomited and hobbled my way through. I don't think I was excited do much as enduring It to be honest. I certainly never partook in any excited nesting/cooing over babies, etc. I had a tough pregnancy with serious complications and I was worried.

It's perfectly ok not to be gushing with emotion. When I finally met ds I was really happy and the sense of love and bonding grew and grew over the weeks and months.

It's ok smile

reallyreallyreallytired Wed 21-Sep-16 21:59:31

don't worry. It was all abstract for me until I had my baby and even then it felt unreal for a few weeks.....then it sunk in. I started buying stuff right at the end because I felt I should and literally the week before I was due I had a "nesting" panic and bought the Moses basket etc. but it didn't feel real until she arrived.....I have 3 now! the next 2 felt real earlier on. I suppose because I knew what it was going to be like. Don't put too much pressure on your self. You will feel more settled soon

ollieplimsoles Wed 21-Sep-16 22:01:44

But I've mostly been worried and ill, I guess I forgot to be excited... and I guess that must be a little weird for people. The first trimester was so awful that I just wanted to be DONE, I think I'm pretty proud of myself for still being pregnant and going into work, let alone being happy and excited about it!

This is exactly how I felt at your stage of pregnancy op, and mine was planned, longed for it fact.

I felt bad because I wasn't really 'getting into it' I had friends who went to pregnancy yoga, pregnancy massage, and would bond with their bumps every day. I just wasn't like that at all and I felt lucky every day I was still pregnant. I was also worried about the birth and seemed anxious most of the time.

Then dd came along and it was more than I could have dreamed it would be. You are excited, its just a complex mix of emotions at this time and everyone expresses it differently.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

auberginefrog Wed 21-Sep-16 22:02:27

My friend has just told me she's pregnant and she's the same gestation as me - both just had our scans and so our messages coincided.... I'm waaaaayyyyy more excited about her being pregnant than my being pregnant - for other people it's good news for you it's just months of feeling like shite to be honest. I didn't get excited about my first until she was about 6 months old and now obviously she is the best thing ever and I'm worried baby number 2 will not be as good... As someone else said just let yourself feel how you feel and screw what other people think

Ilikegin Wed 21-Sep-16 22:03:17

Don't you worry, it might not change until the baby arrives, I had a terrible pregnancy and felt the same as you but you will be fine! I think due to my pregnancy issues I may have had slight depression, but I've now got a beautiful little baby and definitely feel better although it brings other challenges!

Not everyone gets super excited and bouncy, everyone handles their emotions differently, plus the hormone changes you go through play a massive part and remember its a life changing event which can be very daunting.

Just relax and try to enjoy what you can, it will be over before you know it!

abigwideworld Wed 21-Sep-16 22:07:16

I think this is more common than you would think. I'm 35 weeks and so excited to not be pregnant any more but can't really imagine there being a baby at the end of it!

Crispyturtle Wed 21-Sep-16 22:09:48

I felt pretty much the same. The idea of actually having a baby at the end of the pregnancy didn't seem real, so I didn't feel excited. I didn't really buy baby clothes til DD was born, partly because we didn't know what we were having and partly because I just didn't want to. You just feel how you feel, and there's no point worrying about it. You'll love your baby, you'll be happy you had them (most of the time grin) and your colleague will be a dim and distant memory while you're living it up on mat leave.

melibu84 Wed 21-Sep-16 22:13:42

I hated it when people asked me that too. I've always wanted kids, but DS was an accident and I found out I was pregnant after we had only been together for 10 months. We had talked about kids, but the plan was to try in 2 or 3 years after buying a house! So I was mostly terrified and worried, and I couldn't get excited. I don't think I ever really did, but seeing his face for the first time was amazing.

Oysterbabe Wed 21-Sep-16 22:17:35

I was sort of similar. I'm just not an emotional, gushy sort of person (my DH says I'm dead inside) and being pregnant was such an alien concept it was difficult to feel excited. It was still surreal for a few weeks after her birth. She's 8 months now and I love her with a frightening intensity, I literally tear up every time she laughs.

I wouldn't worry too much, what you're feeling isn't unusual.

Crispspsps Wed 21-Sep-16 22:31:45

I get this. Had ante-natal depression, I think, with my DS2. Triggered possibly by PND from DS1 6 years earlier (all linked in with my father dying during pregnancy). Hated pregnancy with DS2, even though he was so longed for. I also don't really get on well with the newborn stage, and find it really hard. You are NOT abnormal to feel like this. Hang in there honey and don't let anyone tell you what to think or feel

BabooshkaKate Wed 21-Sep-16 22:48:48

If this woman, or others, pester you about this again a good response would be to say "it's hard to muster up enthusiasm when I've been asked the same question 100 times"

canary1 Wed 21-Sep-16 22:49:05

Totally felt like that too, you will be fine, but if you are like me, it will take actually having the baby to feel real. So you are getting through it, one step at a time, and don't worry- of course it will all come together for you when you meet him/ her

Mysterycat23 Wed 21-Sep-16 23:23:29

Coworkers come out with all sorts of random questions and comments. I like to nod and smile sweetly even though inside I might be thinking things like "what a prize twat" or "what a hurtful thing to say". Don't waste any more time thinking about it, comments from random people who happen to exist in your workplace are totally irrelevant. Our male receptionist commented on my bump last week. "You're not very big for someone who's halfway through" confused what does that even mean?! I just smiled and carried on!

Sceptimum Thu 22-Sep-16 03:07:18

I have seen people glow with joy - my friend adored being pregnant. Other people - like me - don't, and prefer to try and get on with things as normal. I feel really ambivalent and annoyed when people tell me what to feel, which doesn't help!
You feel what you feel, op, it's all good. I hated being pregnant and worried when I wasn't trying to forget about it and get on with things, but my child (now 3) is brilliant and I adore her. I found the newborn stage super easy as I was so relieved not to be pregnant anymore! Just wish the one in my uterus would stop kicking me in the bladder...

Cynthesizer Thu 22-Sep-16 11:50:26

Thanks everyone,

I read all your responses and appreciate them all.

I appreciated Crispspsps and Ilikegin mentioning the possibility of depression, I guess I had been avoiding thinking about that. I didn't think I could be depressed because I don't have negative feelings. I feel like I'm literally just enduring it, trying to get through the day (can't even face the thought of getting through the WEEK let alone the end of the pregnancy) and I don't have room for feelings, either negative or positive.

But written out like that, it does sound like it could possibly be related to depression, so I will ask my midwife about it next week just in case.

DerekSprechenZeDick you mention you posted about this before, did anything in particular seem to help? I don't particularly like how I feel right now so if there was a MN thread that really helped I'd be grateful to read it...

DerekSprechenZeDick Thu 22-Sep-16 11:52:20

derek it got deleted for personal reasons but the support from everyone was amazing. It was been told that it's ok to feel however you feel that helped.

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