Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

AIBU?

to be a bit worried/ jealous/ suspicious?

20 replies

user1471548678 · 10/09/2016 22:40

A regular lurker, but hardly ever post.
In a fairly new relationship, 6 months together, after my marriage went wrong a few years ago. Have been together 6 months and all good so far. Don't live together and both have kids. Live about 40 miles apart.
I knew my boyfriend was on good terms with his ex ( not his kids mother) and she is coincidentally someone I used to work with 20 years ago.
But now I'm a bit concerned about their friendship and I hate that I'm feeling weird about it.
These are my worrying niggles:

They text each other a lot.
They live geographically close to each other and their kids are all friends so they meet up for birthdays and outings.
He never tells me when he's seeing her until after they've met up.
When he told her we were together she went silent and changed the subject.
I suspect he sees her more often than this but have no proof.
He's not suggested I meet her, although we already know each other slightly.

I have a sixth sense that there's more to this friendship, but no proof and he told me he ended the relationship about 6 months before we met.
So should I just relax about it and accept they are just friends or be concerned.
Any ideas or opinions are welcome!

OP posts:

Report

Birdsgottafly · 10/09/2016 22:44

How do you know what her reaction was when he told her about you two?

user1471548678 · 10/09/2016 22:45

Birds
He told me that she'd acted like that and he seemed surprised and confused by her reaction.

OP posts:

PNGirl · 10/09/2016 22:47

Who dumped who?

If he did, she may still like him and he naively thinks she just wants to be friends.

If she did, she might regret it.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 10/09/2016 22:48

How do you know they text a lot? It sounds like he is feeding you a lot of this info and i'd wonder why.

PNGirl · 10/09/2016 22:49

Apologies, just seen you specifically said he ended it not they ended it.

Do you know why he did it?

user1471548678 · 10/09/2016 22:49

He ended the relationship apparently.
Also forgot to say he has her kids to sleepover sometimes.

OP posts:

user1471548678 · 10/09/2016 22:49

He said he wasn't in love with her.

OP posts:

user1471548678 · 10/09/2016 22:52

He tells me sometimes when his phone pings that's it's her.
Also, tells me things about her doing On line dating.

OP posts:

PNGirl · 10/09/2016 22:58

Hmm. Well, it sounds like not much has changed between them other than them not sleeping together if they still go out on family outings, text all the time, and are as close as they sound.

Honestly, when my first boyfriend broke up with me I was determined to make him see my awesomeness by insisting on being "friends" and showing how cool and ok with it all I was. We got back together after about 4 months of hanging out as friends.

If you hadn't said she changed the subject when he mentioned having a girlfriend then maybe I'd give her the benefit of the doubt. I bet she doesn't have a new partner?

PaulAnkaTheDog · 10/09/2016 23:01

I think you sound a bit overbearing to be honest with you.

user1471548678 · 10/09/2016 23:04

Thanks for the replies.
Yes, it does seem like they see each other quite a lot!
She's had a number of relationships since I've know about her. In the last four months a longer relationship has ended and she's been seeing a few other people. At least that's what I've been told.
I just don't whether I should be worried or not.

OP posts:

Birdsgottafly · 10/09/2016 23:04

It's like he wanted you to analyse what her reaction meant.

How often are you seeing each other?

I think that there's a big connection between them and if you and him did continue, he comes with complications, that if you can avoid, you should.

I'm dating again (at 48) and I've vowed that if it isn't fun, needs overthinking, I'm going to end it.

If you're treating it as a bit of fun and not making decisions based on you possibly being with him long term, then that's different.

user1471548678 · 10/09/2016 23:10

Thanks for your replies birds and PN girl.
We are quite serious and have talked about the future quite a lot. Led more by him than me I'd say.

When he told me about her reaction to him being in a new relationship, I suggested that she either still liked him or was unhappy with her relationship and so felt a bit crap about hearing he'd met someone.

OP posts:

user1471548678 · 10/09/2016 23:11

Oh and good luck birds... Dating in our 40's seems quite complex at times!

OP posts:

PNGirl · 10/09/2016 23:14

I don't understand why he was confused though - he ended it, yet she still sees him all the time which makes it hard to get over someone, and then he announces he's with someone new. A woman she actually knows. It's possible she thought they might work it out until then.

All speculation of course!

Snowflakes1122 · 10/09/2016 23:15

I'm wondering if he is trying to make you jealous? It certainly seems he could be using this friendship to keep you on your toes.

user1471548678 · 10/09/2016 23:20

Thanks. I'm glad people understand and I'm not being completely unreasonable in feeling a bit weird about it.
Yes, I do wonder if he wants to make me jealous?
We see each other twice a week usually.

OP posts:

user1471548678 · 10/09/2016 23:24

He did seem genuinely confused about her reaction to our relationship. He said he thought their friendship was all fine.
A bit baffling to me!

OP posts:

JohnCheese · 10/09/2016 23:25

Why don't you ask to meet her? That might clarify things a bit.

user1471548678 · 10/09/2016 23:33

John
Yes that's a good idea.
Will suggest that.

OP posts:

Flip

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.