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AIBU?

To not know what the right decision is - DH and job offer..

20 replies

Titsywoo · 07/09/2016 22:22

DH has been working for the same company for several years. He has done very well and now earns very well and is one of the directors. This last year the company has been going through some changes and he has become more and more disheartened with the whole thing (bad communications between depts, broken promises, not enough money being spent in the right areas etc). He has been vaguely looking at other jobs but there is a lot about his job that he loves too so he hasn't been focused on other jobs. He has been headhunted twice in the last year by very big companies but since they involved relocating overseas we turned them down. Now he has been headhunted again. It is a bit more money but mainly it is a bigger and better company which is more secure and he will have good opportunities and can get some new and exciting challenges which he doesn't really have any more (at the top of his game in this job). We will lose a good sized bonus because of the time when he would leave but figured we could swallow that as a one off by cutting back a lot.

After several interviews and meetings and a good package offered (as I say only a bit more money so not really a main reason to move) he decided he wanted to go for it. He hasn't accepted yet but was about to and wanted to talk to his boss first. His current company do not want to lose him. They are offering to match the new offer plus another 10k and they have told him that the incentive he is signed up for is going to go through in the next 2 years and we will get a 5 to 6 figure sum paid out. Plus they want to talk about how they can improve things etc etc

We have to decide soon really and have no idea what to do - he could stay at the old company and none of these things work out or he could leave and possibly be happier (although who knows!) but if that incentive happens (which is about 80-90% likely) then we are walking away from something which would make our lives a lot easier.

Argh - help WWYD?

OP posts:

Report

lastqueenofscotland · 07/09/2016 22:28

I'm currently in the process of leaving a well paid job I detest for a bit less money but a much better work life balance and I can't wait.

Life is too short to dread going in every day

wowfudge · 07/09/2016 22:37

It all depends on whether his employers can actually improve things. If the way things are being managed means things are on the slide, is the bonus actually going to materialise? You've said moving is about the money, but if they really want him and it's a bigger company can he not negotiate a better package?

wowfudge · 07/09/2016 22:37

Moving is not about the money

MoonStar07 · 07/09/2016 22:44

The conversation I guess he has with an offer in his hand should have been had with his current employer before going for other jobs. Then he could have been much securer in seeking alternative employment. Putting that to one side personally working in his current company what will really change? If you get extra money will that really change all the other issues the reasons he's really leaving for? So personally if it was me I would leave. His current employer can't just throw money at him and make promises. Why wasn't this done before? I think move. There is more to this than money it seems. Good luck

RubbleBubble00 · 07/09/2016 22:48

I'd say nothing will probably change in his current job so if he can stick it for the extra money then stay. Has he gone back to the other firm no told them what his current firm is offering?

Misselthwaite · 07/09/2016 22:50

Why not stick with current place for a couple of years to get the money? Unless he's earning boat loads a 5 to 6 figure sum is a lot and worth sticking around for. He's not overly happy where he is but it doesn't sound as if he's miserable and new place could be pants anyway.

KingofnightvisionKingofinsight · 07/09/2016 22:50

Can he negotiate with the new employer for a sign-on bonus to make up for what he is leaving on the table? My DH did that when he switched jobs. Companies are often much more willing to give a one-time payment to secure a candidate than a salary rise or recurring bonus that they have to stick to year after year. It's worth a shot. If he goes about it appropriately, it's not going to risk the original offer even if they won't play ball.

ForeverFaithless · 07/09/2016 23:03

And what about you Titsywoo? How do you feel about the changes and impact on your life? Will it require relocating?

Potatofish · 08/09/2016 00:21

What Forever said, You are talking as if it's only your DH's unilateral decision - what do you think? How do you feel about relocation? My DH has just quit a highly-paid, prestigious job with my active support because it just wasn't working for the family.

Asuitablemum · 08/09/2016 00:24

Unless he is very unhappy there I would stay. He can always look for another job and move on in a couple of years.

KittensDoNotLikeFluffyBlankets · 08/09/2016 00:51

It's always possible prospective firm will raise their offer too.

Would the incentive bonus do something substantial for you both? I mean something like pay off mortgage/allow a child to go to Uni with no loans/enable you to retire a couple of years earlier? If you can think of something that means enough to take a couple of years of gritted teeth, then there's your answer. But only if it is genuinely worth it for you both.

On the other hand, if there are serious problems at his workplace, serious enough it is having an impact on his health/mental well being, don't even think about him staying. Putting up with somewhere you have a few gripes about is different than somewhere that causes you actual harm/distress.

A friend (former colleague) said her husband grumbled about his old job for years and she never took it that seriously. Then his boss committed suicide and she realised his grumbling wasn't just normal letting off steam about work. They moved halfway across the country as soon as he found something else (a few months later).

So find out how deep the problems are. If they are serious, no amount of money is worth it. If they are manageable, work out if the money is enough to achieve a major life goal and therefore be worth the hassle.

Titsywoo · 08/09/2016 10:49

Thanks ladies. Sorry to be clear this job doesn't involve relocation like the previous offers did. I feel like I need my husband not to be stressed and pissed off all the time. But I guess neither option guarantees that! The money would potentially be enough to do the extension we need to do to stay here and pay off a big chunk of our mortgage. Anyway dh has gone in to see his boss and try and get something better than a dangled carrot out of him. Since he is so highly valued i think he needs more say and input in what is going on in the company. He's pretty good at getting what he wants so fingers crossed. I know it sounds stupid but I feel bad for this other company. I know they came to him but they are so keen and I don't want to let people down. Sounds stupid I know

OP posts:

heron98 · 08/09/2016 11:27

it sounds like your DH is a pretty high earner anyway so he should just do what makes him happy.

Titsywoo · 08/09/2016 11:30

Yeah he earns pretty well so you're right he should. Hopefully he can decide what that is as the offer is valid until tomorrow. First world problem I know!

OP posts:

CustardLover · 08/09/2016 11:34

A first world problem but nevertheless a big, family-affecting decision. Is he going to allow the new company to potentially revise their offer, perhaps with a sign-on bonus, as a pp suggested?

I am going through something similar at the moment, taking a pay and bonus cut as well as forgoing a big payoff in order to be happy. I can't wait.

sofato5miles · 08/09/2016 11:42

I'd take the new job in a heartbeat and never look back. The old job dissatisfaction isn't about money, it's about culture.

Our good friend died at 43, heart attack. He was fit and healthy but very stressed.

Move on and don't look back.

Titsywoo · 08/09/2016 13:01

He's just come back saying they have offered him the parish plus a higher bonus plus a good sum of money to employ a manager to take off the bit of his job he really hates so he can concentrate on the bit he is good at. He will of course go back to the other company after he has finished today. Nice to be so wanted! I've never even been offered a payrise in my crappy jobs . We'll have to talk it through again tonight.

OP posts:

Titsywoo · 08/09/2016 13:02

Parish? He's not a vicar . I meant payrise!

OP posts:

sofato5miles · 08/09/2016 20:44

Don't do it. Seriously. If money is the motivator he would have been happy before.

crje · 08/09/2016 20:49

I would prefer my Dh to move jobs than stay in a depressing work environment.

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