AIBU to be sad that I won't have any more children

[WarwickDavisAsPlates]

I probably am being unreasonable bit here it goes.

I have a 3 yr old DD who I love with all my heart, she is clever, funny and very sweet. So based on that alone I'm sure I'm just being silly.

I never really wanted another child until quite recently, it could be because DD is starting school, but practically having another child just won't happen.

We barely earn enough money to pay the mortgage/ bills at the moment on top of the nursery fees. So once DD goes to school we might finally be able to save something. Right now we are at the point where if something breaks we just have to go without it.

So realistically there will be no more babies for us. I just feel a little sad as although I didn't actually want another baby until recently I don't think I was ever really ready to rule it out entirely.

I'd just like someone to tell me that I'm not being a complete idiot to get sad about this and maybe someone else felt the same way but then it's actually not too bad?

[Soubriquet]

I think everyone goes through this

It's that finality that is hard.

Big difference between never having another child and maybe having one in a few years

[WarwickDavisAsPlates]

Ah that does remind me, the reason I feel like it probably won't happen
If I wait a few years (say 3+ years) is because all the women in my family have hit menopause very early and I've been told it's likely I will as well as it seems to be a pattern in my family.

Also DH has said many times that he doesn't want any more children after he reaches a certain age (which is rapidly approaching) his father was an older dad when he had him and I think this has clouded his view a little.

[totalrecall1]

[SatsukiKusakabe]

We have two, and though we feel very fortunate, we had envisioned having one more. For financial reasons it is not really possible, but I had not yet closed that door in my mind; after all things can change! and all the while there was still a 'maybe someday' I was quite happy thinking I wouldn't have another and that we could start to build other things around our existing children and move onto the next phase and just generally counting my blessings.

However, having had a bad run of health related issues, which I thought I was moving past but may be long term, it has made it clear that, for me and the family as a whole, I really shouldn't have another. It has made me feel very sad, though rationally I know I already have all I could want.

I think it's natural. Be kind to yourself

[WhooooAmI24601]

It's a hard thing to come to terms with, definitely. And as daft as it sounds, when I was told we couldn't have any more (defective fandango on my part; two DCs already) it was almost like a muted sort of grief where I would cry over babies and pregnant women for a few weeks because it hit me I'd never experience it again.

[Wetcappuccino]

Completely understandable. We have 1 DC and it is almost certain we will not have any more due to health issues. Notice I say "almost certain" because I have not quite accepted it yet! We had issues conceiving too (5 years+) so I know we should be grateful to have a child at all. However, it does still make me sad sometimes and it would not have been our choice. I just try to count my blessings as I know others who have not been able to conceive at all. I'm hoping with time I will better accept it and move on. We really are both so lucky to have the DC that we have and better for them to grow up in a stable and financially secure environment. All that being said, you might win the lottery or come into money so never say never!

[NoncommittalToSparkleMotion]

I don't think it's unreasonable at all. I feel the same.

I have a 4yo DD, love her more than anything on earth, but I'd love another baby. As it is, I have a variety of health issues that prevent this at the moment.

I am happy with the one child I have, and have been reminded constantly not to forget that, but it doesn't change how I feel.

[OhPuddleducks]

I'm with you OP. I have two and am so grateful and happy with them.... But I always thought I'd have three kids. We can't afford it though and in a practical sense I know it's the right decision. But everywhere I go friends are announcing their third pregnancies, or having their third babies, or I'm just seeing families with three kids everywhere and it feels like a kick in the teeth. Irrational but true. And very hard to get past. Hugs to you. X

[Narnia72]

Finality is definitely hard. You're not an idiot. I am lucky enough to have 3, the youngest has just started school. I'm really sad that I won't have another little baby and those days are gone for ever. However, I'm a bit different to you in that I don't actually want anymore children, just nostalgic for what's gone.

How old are you? Are you at the point where it's definitely never, or if finances/jobs changed would you still have time in a few years? I wouldn't sell everything off, put it in the loft and wait for a bit.

I know people with big age gaps that have loved it, so don't be put off.