To fucking LOVE time out?!

[RavioliOnToast]

I have 2 Dd's, 4 and 1.5, and I have recently started doing timeout as part of the eldests routine. If she hits her sister or throws things etc. She goes on time out to think about what she's done. If she talks while on time out its another minute.

Earlier this morning I sat the 18mo on the timeout step for throwing a giant Barbie car at her sister and then smacking her on the face. She was only on for 20 seconds but was devastated and apologised to older DD when she came back in.

Timeout it spectacular! Anyone else love it?

[candykane25]

No.

Isolating a 18mth old?

My DD is able to dal with her emotions and tantrums without time outs.

I will quiet things disown and sit with her quietly, and then have a quick chat afterwards about what happened or I will let her cry it out noisily and then discuss it afterward. No time out required.

[RavioliOnToast]

She wasn't isolated. I could literally see her, she was sat about 3 feet away I'm not that stupid and nasty fgs.

[RavioliOnToast]

Dd2 has MASSIVE temper tantrums and doesn't calm down easily. Today she did. She screams and kicks and rolls around and distracting her doesn't work, its not as though I haven't tried either. This just worked so much better.

[MrsMurf]

Well you're lucky that works for your child candykane. It wouldnt for mine. They're all different, and we all need to do what works best for our own children.

Timeout works brilliantly for my 2 year old. It helps him calm down enough to discuss things reasonably. If I tried to sit him down & discuss things beforehand there's absolutely no way he would listen, and would just get more & more wound up & upset.

[MrsMurf]

Ditto ravioli

[AugustMoon]

I have started time out recently with my 4 year old headstrong DS. His behaviour has become very challenging, hitting his brothers, screaming at the top of his lungs (screaming not crying) and throwing things, even smashed plates on 2 occassions. Anyway, he has to sit still on a sofa (not in the living room, separate area), and be quiet for 3 minutes which i time. Its a challenge in itself, i add an extra minute too for screaming, getting up etc (tbh i pretend to add time if it gets silly - i wont expect him to be sat there for more than 5 minutes) I sit there too and wait with him, sometimes say to look out at the garden, think about why he's im time out, try to bring him down from the rage. He acts up but omg when the alarm goes off he's a different child. Says sorry to me or his brothers, has a cuddle, knows what he's done wrong and that there are consequences to his actions. So yes im with you OP. Time out is not about isolation.

[frequentlyhappy]

Yes time out is effective for us especially with dc1. dc2 has the tendency to get up and walk around but we are working on that. It's a non-shaming way for parents to make a point and gives the dc a chance to snap out of their over excited or unhelpful attitudes and moods. Recently dc1 was all over the shop not listening to a thing, moaning, demanding and being generally very rude. We were out and about with my cousin who is a nit older and has no dc. I gave dc1 time-out where I asked her to sit down on a tree branch a few steps away from the rest of the family. My cousin was completely shocked and asked thought we had abandoned the poor child. She asked if she was allowed to wave at her hell no and I think she felt really bad for my child.

Funnily dc1 totally snapped out of her strop and happily engaged with the rest of the family activity and dcousin admitted it must have worked .

It might not work for everyone but is great for us.
We always cuddle at the end of time out and briefly empathise and set expectations for behaviour.

[RavioliOnToast]

I half heartedly used it when dd1 was little but I never really needed to on a lot of occasions so never really implemented it on a daily basis, dd1 was easily distracted too, every child is different I guess.

[WhooooAmI24601]

Time out worked for DS1, he just needed a little minute to cool his jets when he lost it. For DS2 it's never worked. I think you go with what your child needs; if we persevered with DS2 it would have made things worse because when he lost his temper I found talking it through worked better than cooling off alone. I never used a set amount of time for time out though; it was just "sit and chill out til you're calmer" and DS1 still takes himself off when he gets worked up.

On holiday recently I walked past DS2 and knocked him into the pool accidentally. He put me in time out. 35 minute of silence on a sunbed was awesome.

[HeCantBeSerious]

I wonder whether the proportion of parents of single children that find time out "works" is higher or lower than the parents of 2 or more children.

[DollyBarton]

I'm with you OP. My 20mth old was killing my 3yr old over everything (he got digs in when possible so no angel) and his face was covered in scratches etc. Couldn't let that continue. I put both of them out of the room immediately either incitement of violence (taunting, grabbing things, passive aggressive standing in each other's way) or actual violence occurs. It was an exhausting non stop stream of toddlers in and out of the room as they roared crying behind the glass at the 'injustice' of it but I can tell you there is not a lot more kindness and restraint between them as a result. They may be little but they need to know NOW that disrespect of other people, even your sibling, will not be tolerated.

Isolating an 18mth old is cruel? I completely disagree. When they are not yet speaking it's an excellent and clear way to communicate they are doing something that makes it impossible to have them stay in the room with us.

[DollyBarton]

There IS a lot more kindness....lol, typo!

[Iwasjustabouttosaythat]

If you're "communicating" to your child that it's "impossible to have them stay in the room" with you, what they're learning is that you won't be there for them when they need you and that your love is only available on your terms. Pretty scary for a small child.

I certainly wouldn't be proud of making a child feel "devastated".

Maybe you could just talk to your kids? Seems to sort stuff out around here.

[RavioliOnToast]

I'm not showing her hag I'm not there for her, I'm showing her that violence is unacceptable and I will not stand for it. She was cuddled and kissed when she came back in and is far from scarred from the ordeal.

[DollyBarton]

I am always there for them when they need me. Every trip, bump, nightmare, request for food or drink, cuddle on the sofa, game with dolly, wander in the garden to be amazed at a blade of grass, standing nearby in the playground, stepping in when she is treated unfairly (by big brother too), holding her hand when she's shy in a new place.

She also knows that hurting someone else and actively goading them isn't tolerated and she will need to spend time alone if that's how she treats people. She cries because she's furious, maybe a little ashamed.

But she's not stupid, she knows the difference between an indifferent mum and one who loves her and supports her but won't tolerate her attacking other people.

[frequentlyhappy]

"If you're "communicating" to your child that it's "impossible to have them stay in the room" with you, what they're learning is that you won't be there for them when they need you and that your love is only available on your terms. Pretty scary for a small child."

I think it depends on how time-out is done. If the parent is aggressive, shouty and not in control of their own emotions then a child might feel confused and intimidated. But if you calmly send them or take them to time-out (which isn't necessarily in another room of the house) the dc learns that there are boundaries, which is important and that certain behaviour will not be tolerated in the family unit.

Rather than scaring the child it can be reassuring because boundaries are incredibly important for children, they provide a sense of security. There is a difference between authoritative and. authoritarian parenting. But in the end of the day children are all different and some will respond better to lots of talking, whereas others benefit from some time out of the situation that has gone out of control.

[frequentlyhappy]

*oh just to add dc1 would not be able to respond to lots of talking about why something is worn when thing are out of control i.e. sibling battles, not listening, general manicness etc., what we say would go in one ear and out the other. Much better for us to talk after time out.

[AugustMoon]

Talk to the children, doh of course why didn't i think of that first... oh wait i did. Nothing changed. Kids who misbehave need a strategy to manage it. And boundaries are good.

[Soubriquet]

I've started time out with 3 year old Dd and the effectiveness is already wearing off. She used to get upset but apologise immediately once she was let off but she's now sulkily saying sorry

I wouldn't dream of doing it with my almost 18 month old yet though. He doesn't really understand

[NoncommittalToSparkleMotion]

Time out is great.

I'm not sorry I do it on occasion. It's either that or lose my shit some days.

[ReActiv]

Time out never worked for my daughter. She used to love it as it 'gave her peace from me' so would do things on purpose to get sent to the 'thinking step'.

Glad to hear it's working for you though!

[HeCantBeSerious]

It's either that or lose my shit some days.

Perhaps you need some time out!

[NoncommittalToSparkleMotion]

HeCant

Exactly.

I raise my daughter on my own with no childcare or family help. So when my daughter is being difficult, my temper becomes short.

So I walk away and we give each other space.

She's safe in her room at home.

Thanks for your feedback though