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AIBU?

To ask EX to have our DC for the weekend?

27 replies

NaNaNaNaNaNaBatman · 24/08/2016 20:54

Me and EX have 2DC together, he sees them usually one a week for the day and that's it; We haven't got a contact order in place, we sorted everything out ourselves and that's how it's been for 4 years since our break up.

Over the school holidays he has seen our DC 2 days, he had them to sleep last weekend and before that he was away for 4 weeks so didn't see them at all. He said he can't see them this weekend either as he is away again.

I've got the opportunity to go away for the weekend with a friend 2 nights, sounds blissful but I haven't got anyone who can have the DC for the weekend for me so I've asked my EX if he will have them to sleep both nights and drop them back on the Sunday night next weekend.

I've never asked for this before and I'm sure that he'll say no but my family are making out as if I've asked a lot of him at do that and have said that it's strange for me to want to be away from my DC for the whole weekend; he's had them overnight before and they enjoy going so there are no concerns there.

Was IBU? I'm waiting for a reply and listening to other people's opinions have made me question myself.

OP posts:

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Mycatsabastard · 24/08/2016 20:58

So it's strange that their mother can be away from them for a whole two days but it's fine for the their father to fuck off for four weeks with no contact? I'd suggest your family keep out of it!! What a load of shit.

No you are not unreasonable at all to ask. You can't make him though. It must be nice to just drop all your responsibilities and just be a parent once a week when it's convenient.

I do hope you are claiming CMS from him as well.

donajimena · 24/08/2016 21:01

Er. No.
can't believe you are even thinking its unreasonable. I'm hoping he says yes. My ex has never had them overnight.

SharonfromEON · 24/08/2016 21:05

YANBU...

Many couples go on breaks and leave there kids with g.parents..

You know the kids will be safe and happy ..

Ignore the family... LP = not entitled to any life at all for some ignore.

Blondieblondie · 24/08/2016 21:08

YANBU. Of course you deserve time for yourself. Why was he away for 4 weeks? Why does he only see them one day per week? I'm holding back on calling him a poor excuse for a dad until you fill me in.

Lucyccfc · 24/08/2016 21:08

YANBU.

When we went through mediation, we had already agreed that our DS would go to his DF's every other weekend no they see each other in the week if they go to football.

He pulled a face at school holidays, until the mediator pointed out that there were 13 weeks holidays and he was responsible for half of them. His face was a bloody picture. He takes 2 weeks off work now with DS and pays for child minding for the other 4.5.

You need to sit down and come to a proper agreement and take no notice of what anyone else says.

AlpacaLypse · 24/08/2016 21:12

Give him a call and ask. It's more than likely that he's already made genuine plans this weekend, but if you don't ask you'll never get.

Your family have bugger all to do with your relationship with the father of your children.

NaNaNaNaNaNaBatman · 24/08/2016 21:18

Thank you for your replies.

I haven't contacted CSA as he's always told me how much I'm entitled to. He cut back he's maintenance payments by £200 a month in January as he quit his job to go back into education.

He has them one day a week as he is at university Monday-Friday, he also owns a house with lodgers in so he can't have them sleep there so he has to ask his parents if he's able to have them overnight at that time as he has no where else to sleep them.

He's said no because he doesn't think that his parents will be happy with it. I'm a bit gutted to be honest but there's nothing I can do about it like you say.

OP posts:

Wallywobbles · 24/08/2016 21:25

Of course you can do something about it. Get a court order in place for every other weekend. Useless man

pluck · 24/08/2016 21:28

Was that your family's way of telling you that "having the children" is such an inconvenience - even for their nearest and dearest - so you'd better not even dream of asking your family, either?

Blondieblondie · 24/08/2016 21:36

That's a really shit situation. So according to him, the grandparents aren't happy to have them stay over for two nights, giving him decent time with them and giving you a break? Either they're as shit as him or he's lying.

If he can't afford his mortgage without having to take in lodgers and therefore not have his kids overnight, he shouldn't have chucked his job to go back to education. That can wait. time with your kids can't.

What about the four weeks away, what's that for?

heyday · 24/08/2016 21:37

Can you not ask the grandparents if they could have them for the weekend; make it clear that it's just a one-off special occasion.

TheRealKimmySchmidt63 · 24/08/2016 21:39

He can go away for 4 weeks nc - but not have his kids for the weekend???

I know you shouldn't have to but as you are desperate to go and am sure you could do with the break and the housing is the issue- could you ask him to stay at yours to look after them?

Blondieblondie · 24/08/2016 21:41

Suggest he has them at yours - problem solved. If he comes up with an excuse, he's just an arse

RealityCheque · 24/08/2016 21:42

wally lol.

Don't talk shite - you cannot force someone to have their children with a court order. You DO know that, right?

Missgraeme · 24/08/2016 21:44

Csa about the money.
And court for proper contact.
And his parents should want to see their gc ffs!!
Miserable buggers!!
If he has long term lodgers ask him to suggest dbs checks then the kids can stay!

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 24/08/2016 21:47

Could he have them one night and your parents have them the other?

Wallywobbles · 25/08/2016 06:09

Yes I Do know that. But there should be a court order in place anyway. Feeling powerless is utter bollocks. And then at least the nonsense from family would be shown for what it is.

ClopySow · 25/08/2016 06:23

Don't go to csa about the money. Unless things have changed, non resident parents in ft education don't have to pay a penny. I found that one out 3 years ago.

Bettydownthehall · 25/08/2016 06:31

A court order wouldn't make any difference if he's not interested. A court order can't force contact.

I'd say mediation is your best bet though.

NaNaNaNaNaNaBatman · 25/08/2016 07:51

I told him that I feel he is being unfair due to the time he has off, I said that I've always been lenient with our contact arrangements and if we went through court contact would be solely down to him and not on his parents. I said I didn't want it to get to that point but it may have to if this carries on.

He's said that he spoke to his parents and they have agreed to a one off which is Saturday-Sunday but they're not happy about it, he's asked me to stick to the contact order we agreed with and not change anything in future.

OP posts:

greathat · 25/08/2016 07:56

He sounds like someone you'd be better off not seeing g at all. And what the fuck is wrong with his parents. Not wanting to see their grandchildren!

Muskateersmummy · 25/08/2016 07:57

We'll surely the not changing the arrangements works both ways then and he shouldn't be taking 4 weeks off and this weekend off as well either?!

Strikes me the arrangement is only allowed to be flexible when it suits him. Can certainly see why he is your exh!

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Penfold007 · 25/08/2016 08:00

I'd know feel really uncomfortable sending my children to somewhere where they are unwelcome. What a horrible thing for him to say.

What would happen if you stopped contact, would he complain or just opt out of parenting? I'm not suggesting you try this just curious what his reaction would be.

NaNaNaNaNaNaBatman · 25/08/2016 11:02

It's always been this way, arrangements can be made when it suits him but not the other way around. I'm getting tired of it now though.

He wouldn't fight to see his children, I know that for a fact as in the past he has said that seeing them once a week even messes up his weekend as he can't go out on Saturday nights, I suggested every other weekend for the whole weekend so he has a weekend free but he said his parents said that's too frequent for the DC to stay at their house. He never asks about them, not even when he picks them up after not seeing them for a while.

His parents have never liked me, I wasn't good enough for him at all but whilst we were together they were so overbearing about seeing our DC and now it's like they've turned into an inconvenience for them.

I have thought about court but I'm not sure what they would do about it nor what the outcome would be because he is adamant that he can't see them more frequently.

OP posts:

Merrymumoftwo · 25/08/2016 11:33

YANBU and he is a bad excuse for a parent. Seems he has forgotten that he is their dad and sees it as an inconvenience that they are around. He insists everything is on his terms my suggestion is if you don't already get his terms in writing including why he can not see them more often. It will help if you do go to court especially when he changes goal posts like going away for four weeks and not having the one day a week he insisted in his terms.

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