So, I had my younger cousin come for the day the other day. She's been having a tough time lately so the visit was to cheer her up which is why I haven't properly tackled this yet, just been mulling it over.
One of the things she is upset about is that she feels her siblings have been mean to her. One has a 2-year old the other a baby under 1. And they call her harsh and strict. They do it in a jokey way but now that both of them are saying it she is not finding it funny.
I sympathized with her and said it's not fair but I can also see why they might be doing it by seeing her interact with my toddler. She is constantly telling my toddler off. She expects what I would consider above the age of her and when she doesn't get it she tells her off. For example my toddler is teething and therefore everything goes in her mouth but my cousin was constantly saying no and taking everything that went I her mouth off her. Including teether toys. By the end of the visit there were a line of toys along the windowsill she had removed and placed out of reach.
I believe that you shouldn't undermine a fellow adult by contradicting them in front of the child, unless abusive, so I didn't say anything directly but did try to say that she is teething and it's normal to chew and put things in their mouths and that it's ok to chew things that won't be dangerous. But she carried on.
This is just one example of many reasons my cousin was finding to tell her off. Plus also whenever I did feel the need and step in to stop a behaviour she would chip in as well and give her a second telling off. I think her siblings are probably trying to deal with this in a jokey manner, trying too point out that she is being too strict and should stop but not wanting to upset her by saying it directly. This is typical of her family.
I'm wondering if I could tackle it with her. It needs to be gentle but also quite direct as she doesn't read in to things said to her. But I'm worried that a) I've now left it too late and need to wait till I see her again and b) maybe it's nothing to do with that and they are just winding her up which is also typical of her siblings and that maybe I am being pfb over my child.
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AIBU?
aibu over my cousin and wwyd?
21 replies
Rosae · 15/08/2016 21:35
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