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To not allow stbex to put dc on a coach alone to visit aunt

(22 Posts)
notagainnellie Mon 15-Aug-16 10:51:41

I know I can't really stop him but not happy about this plan at all.

The dc are 9 & 7 and he wants to put them on a coach alone for a journey of about an hour. His aunt will meet them at the other end and keep them overnight. I think it's a ridiculous plan. She doesn't drive but really wants to have them overnight for some reason. They have never stayed with her before and only see her a couple of times a year. Tbf, I'm sure they would have a lovely time, but I don't see why she can't get the coach to collect them or ex drops them off.

I'm not worried about abduction or anything like that, more that it is a very big first step towards independence and not an appropriate starting point imo. Ds1 goes to the local shop alone and sometimes (rarely) they go to the park, but this is a huge leap from that. They don't like the idea and I think they would just sit there feeling tense and nervous. Ex thinks they 'could be persuaded' but why should they be?

Ok, an hour isn't too long and they would just be on the coach, but if it got stuck in traffic or broke down it could be a lot longer and become quite unpleasant for them I think. Also, although it's unlikely, what if his aunt got delayed/had an accident on her way to meet them? Then they would be stuck in a strange city with no one on hand. It's just not necessary.

But, IABU apparently as his sister has said that when she was 5 she travelled from the Midlands to Devon alone by train and that was fine. I say that's bollocks, and if it is true, it doesn't mean I'm going to do something equally (nearly) as stupid with my dc.


ElbowArse Mon 15-Aug-16 11:01:04

They wouldn't be allowed to travel without an adult, you have to be st least 14 to travel unaccompanied

ElbowArse Mon 15-Aug-16 11:02:01

CoraPirbright Mon 15-Aug-16 11:04:56

5 yrs old from Midlands to Devon? What utter nonsense. And if is is true then its stupid.

I would not be happy at all - not only for the coach journey but also staying overnight with someone who is little more than a stranger (they see her a couple of times a year!!). 9 and 7 is still quite little.

No way would I be letting this happen.

CoraPirbright Mon 15-Aug-16 11:06:43

Ah well, ElbowArse has brilliantly handed you a perfect get-out!!

celtiethree Mon 15-Aug-16 11:06:50

Why would you have to be 14, children younger than that travel unaccompanied all the time. It will depend on the coach company, some will allow it, some not.

Missgraeme Mon 15-Aug-16 11:07:44

Just sat looking at my dc same age - and no bloody way!

exexpat Mon 15-Aug-16 11:08:26

I agree with elbow - that idea is a complete non-starter. The coach driver will not let them on board without an adult. Has your ex not thought to check?

notagainnellie Mon 15-Aug-16 11:13:37

What a relief smile. I will double check it with National Express, but if it's true will save me an exhausting argument! It never occurred to me as I was too busy burning with indignation at the very idea smile.

Loyly Mon 15-Aug-16 11:18:21

Even if the company did allow children to travel alone, you said 'they don't like the idea' and I think that's the reason they shouldn't go.

SandyY2K Mon 15-Aug-16 11:20:00

I would not be comfortable with that at all

Choceeclair123 Mon 15-Aug-16 11:36:00

Not a chance would I let children that age travel unaccompanied. So, the 9 year old is responsible for the 7 year old?!

harderandharder2breathe Mon 15-Aug-16 11:59:32

The children aren't happy with it which should be reason enough not to do it as it's supposed to be for their benefit

And while coach drivers would probably allow a couple of 12 or 13 year olds to travel alone at their discretion, I can't imagine they'd allow a 7 and 9 year old without an adult

mrsfuzzy Mon 15-Aug-16 12:04:47

it's a no from me, hardly a close relationship and why can't dad drive them if it's only an hour ? if the 5 yo travelling alone story is actually true, i would class that as neglect on all accounts. be prepared for a fight with this one.

mrsfuzzy Mon 15-Aug-16 12:06:56

meant to say no wonder he is stbex if he thinks this is responsible parenting.

mrsfuzzy Mon 15-Aug-16 12:09:11

sorry am hogging bit, but wtf does they could be persuaded mean ??

Aeroflotgirl Mon 15-Aug-16 12:09:50

No absolutely not. No way,what if Aunt is held up, or is not there. What if they make a stop and get off to use the toilet. Too young to do this journey alone.

Aeroflotgirl Mon 15-Aug-16 12:10:41

If the children are not happy and your not, it ain't going to happen.

bloodyteenagers Mon 15-Aug-16 12:10:50

Depends when the sister was born. I was often sent on the coach or train when I was in infants and primary school. Train was horrible, coach wasn't bad as there was always another member of staff on board other than the driver, who sold snacks. Would sit near her. No it wasn't right, but it did happen with a lot of kids.
Would I let my kids do it? Not a chance.

sashh Mon 15-Aug-16 12:12:35

Why would you have to be 14, children younger than that travel unaccompanied all the time. It will depend on the coach company, some will allow it, some not.

With National Express it is because they pull in to service stations for comfort breaks, if the passenger isn't back on time the coach gives them 5 mins then leaves.

a 14 year old can be expected to contact someone at the service station, 9 year old might not not or might hitch a lift or 100 other things.

Surely aunt can get the coach to the children then go back?

I used to work with someone whose grandfather would be put on a train in Russia to travel to England at 8 - wouldn't happen now.

WorraLiberty Mon 15-Aug-16 12:13:43

I wouldn't allow this.

My main worry, would be that one (or both) of them might be sick and what then? Who would help them cope/clean up?

Also, I'm pretty sure National Express aren't the only coach company who say no under 14s, to travel alone.

quasibex Mon 15-Aug-16 13:06:01

YANBU my dad is an ex-coach driver and would always refuse to take responsibility of minors on a coach. As he rightfully stated each time, he was responsible for driving a large vehicle with at least 48 people on board. The last thing anyone needed was for the coach driver to be distracted by two small children if they became unwell or behaved badly.

He never got in trouble for it.

There's also the possibility of an accident, vehicle breakdown, the chance that the aunty is delayed for meeting them. Who does your ex actually expect to be responsible for two young children in those events?

He's a prat. Stand your ground.

Also is he seriously considering putting them through this journey twice (how will they get back to him)?

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